HELP My girlfriend want to break up because my fantisising!?

Question

i have a problem.

ok for the first i was almost cheating 3times in the past but luckily it didnt come to any kisses,or s*x. and i have been very sorry for this afterwards.

it has gone 2years and she still mistrust me.

i cant even have many musicvideos with beautiful women on youtube like shakira and russian,romanian musicvideos because they are making her feel bad because they are offensive and because i fantisise about them.

i was wery angry when i had to take them off and she was totally over nasty and said many horrible things but i quess i acceppted that anyway.

but now she is saying that im not welcome to talk with her anymore before i stop fantisising about women in city in musicvideos so on because its "cheating in the mind" and im not respecting her.

she dont want to understand that men are "genetically stupid" and are looking at beautiful women and it doesnt make me go and cheat on her.

unfortunately i cant change that im a "stupid" man and i dont want to promise something i cant hold and i dont want to leave her so this is a big problem.

even sexual advisors say its totally normal to fantisise because its not real just fantasy and it can even be good to fantisise.

i dont want any comment on my cheating attempt,i was just a young man that havent been with anyone else so i wanted to feel something else and i cant change the past its how it is.

and yeah i thought her relative was s**y when she showed me a pic and said that im going to like how she looks.

and i was fantisisng about my working friends and some others before and thats why shes extra angry because i was stupid and fantising about her relative.

'ok it may be stupid but im still not going and cheating for fantisisng.

and im allowed to look at porno videos but not fantisise about anything else a person or a video because im "basically cheating"on her if i do that hmm.

is there a man(that is not jehovas witness or smht)that can really hold a promise like that??

how many men is there that can be without looking(or women?)at nice men/women or never fantisise???

Answer 1

You're right when you say that some s*x therapists say fantasy is actually healthy for a relationship.  But I've also heard the one of the great ones (Dr. Ruth Westheimer) go on to say that this is because no one knows what's in your mind but you.  So exactly how is your girlfriend finding out that you fantasize unless you're telling her that.  This might be one case where telling the exact truth when asked "What are you thinking" is not a good idea.  If you can't figure out how to slip in a little white lie about your thoughts while keeping your hands, lips and other parts faithful to your girl then maybe you are the "stupid male" you called yourself.

Answer 2

I think you better run and go get a taste of the real life instead of fantasizing.You have not tried new adventures yet and if you don't before you get tied down it just won't work. You always will be wondering.

Answer 3

Sounds like she wants total commitment from you.  If your not willing then let her go.  

Answer 4

Okay, let's see... you ALMOST cheat on her 3 times and you can't understand why she doesn't trust you?  Even stupid men are smart enough to know not to check out other women right in front of their girl friends.  It's not because it's cheating but because it hurts her feelings and makes her feel less pretty... not to mention it shows your lack of respect for her feelings.  You two obviously don't get along and should break up.  

Just some advice for your next relationship, don't "almost" cheat on them a bunch of times and keep your fantasies about their relatives to yourself.  If you can't see that would lead to distrust than you're right about one thing, you really are a stupid man.

Answer 5

so i wanted to feel something else

This is what you said and she knows that you are thinking about other women so you could "feel something else" which makes her feel not good enough for you.  She does not want to compete with other girls because of how it makes her feel about herself.  She may be insecure because you are making her feel like she just doesn't do it for you and you have to get aroused by thinking of other girls.  This can really mess with her self esteem.  I think it shows a lot of respect when a man does not look at other women and does not let his mind wonder away from his girlfriend.  

Think about it, would you want her fantisizing about other men.  Would you mind if she was drooling over some hot ripped guy constantly.  If she had pictures of them or was looking up pics and videos cause they were so s**y.  And she just wanted to feel something else.  Would that make you feel like you weren't doing it for her and she had to seek fantisising else where.  And what if just looking and fantisising just didn't do it for her no more and she slowly started graduating to cheating, that is prolly what she is thinking you are going to do.  

Answer 6

If she is so insecure with herself that she can't handle the possibility of her man fantasizing for what ever reason, then I think you need to let her leave. There are women out there who like to fantasize and understand that men and women need to have their fantasies for a healthy s*x life. The fact that you are/have/almost cheated on her should be a sign to you that you aren't into her as much as you want to be either. The fact that she won't allow you to look at videos or tv because of the women and you possibly fantasizing about them later on is borderline abusive. Do you tell her she can't do those thing because of good looking guys? Not from what you said. You aren't doing yourself any good by continuing you stay with her and letting her control how you are supposed to think. Why would you want to stay with her if she want you to promise to completely change who you are? If there is a change to be made you should be the one to want it, not be forced into something that might not be right for you.

Answer 7

Sounds to me like she is VERY insecure and possesive. Fantasizing is a normal part of life and she needs to deal with it, or be a very LONELY OLD LADY. She is never going to find someone that she can CONTROL completely, right down to their thoughts. It is time for you to move on and be with someone who wants to be with you, NOT OWN AND CONTROL YOU!

Answer 8

Your girlfriend needs to be your EX girlfriend. She is being entirely unrealistic and ridiculous.

Fantasizing is a normal thing that all people (male and female) do. It does not mean that you are cheating, nor does it mean that you intend to cheat. It means that you are normal and that you appreciate beauty. It means that sometimes that beauty can stimulate you sexually IN YOUR MIND.

And don't you think that 2 years of punishment for something that didn't actually happen is quite enough? Not to mention, she has no right whatsoever to tell you what you can and cannot look at online or elsewhere. Get out of this mentally abusive relationship as soon as you can.