HELP! My just turned 4 yr old HATES Pre-K?

Question

This is doing more than breaking my heart. I am a SAHM to 4 and this year my youngest son, 3rd child) just started pre-k. He is having a hard time, each day getting worse. Granted we just started school this week. And he is the 2nd of my children who actually went to pre-k. My oldest son, now 11, lasted 2 weeks in pre-k when I pulled him out. He behaved the same way. Crying uncontrollably, but I pulled him out more so because of the language barrier of the teacher (from India and the assistant talked so ghetto) Throw in their two European grandmothers equals a language barrier confunsion. But he (the 11 yr old) ended up having to repeat kinderdarten twice, as did my 8 yr old because I didn't even do pre-k with him, other than at home. I don't want the same to befall my 4yr old and I have a 2 1/2 yr old following right behind in 2 yrs.

Anyway, my main concern is how can I help my child understand that school is good and he will have fun and make him want to go. Also, I want him to learn to be independant. He is very smart for his age as well. We are particiapting in the GA pre-K and he is fortunate to be in the school where his 2 older brothers are. It's a great school, but boy do I feel terrible for his teacher this week.

TYIA

Answer 1

If you are a SAHM why send him to preK?  If he is not emotionally ready to be seperated then maybe another option would be a mother's day out(MDO)--only twice a week or a drop in day care that you could do once a week so he can get accumstomed to being apart from mom.  Many churches have lower cost MDO programs and will help you work with your child on seperation anxiety. If you really feel the school is the best thing then get the teachers to coach you on how to prep your child for the exciting world of learning.  If you chose to pull him out then you can do many things that would help him get ready for school--read aloud to him--lots of books and don't just do picture books--work into chapter books too.  Find out the list of goals for the school and do them at home!  Watch educational shows like Word World, Sesame Street, and Reading Between the Lions that you would find on PBS and go to PBS.org and find the websites with the color pages for letters and numbers and such and help your child get some of the basics he would be learning in preK.  Your 2 year old will also benefit from any work you do with the 4 year old.

Answer 2

Be firm and quit trying to "convince and beg" a four year old.  The more you beg and whine, the more he figures it is negotiable and will act up.  The sooner you make it a point that he is going and that is that, the better off you will all be.

Answer 3

if you really want him to go then stop making it a choice........for both of you.  you've already set your mind in motion that after a month you'll pull him out.  if you really want him to go then commit yourself to it.  change your attitude with him and he'll get past this.  be firm, kind but no nonsense.  tell him 'you have to go to school, i'll be back at 330 to pick you up and i love you'.  then walk him inside, kiss him goodbye and walk out.  don't linger, don't beg, don't make deals.  leave immediately and let the professionals do what they're paid to do.  let him know that this is what he's going to be doing.

i know all this is tough but he really is picking up his que from you.  ask the teacher if he can bring a treat to share with the class.  a box of cookies or crackers or a bag of fruit.  whatever HE wants to go to the store to pick out.  make him feel special and that he has a purpose to school.  he will get passed this.  

Answer 4

Settling in can take a long time-sometimes two or three weeks depending on how often they attend.

It can depend because if he cries and you take him home then he'll learn that all he has to do is cry! Some methods that have helped children in my preschool settle are:

1) Dont talk too much about it-the mo you talk the more anxious he may feel as he'd think that its a big thing if you are explaining it all. Just the night before say "bedtime school tomorrow" and then in the morning get him ready and say "off to school now".

2) When you get there choose one of two options: one is you stay for a few minutes till he is settled playing then give a kiss and go....or two is to walk in get his stuff hung up and say bye and leave! Either way keep to the decision so a routine can be created!

3) Ask the setting to call you once he's settled OR call them in 10 mins and ask how is he what he's doing etc.

4) Start by taking him for an hour then collecting him, then hour and a half, then two hours etc and gradually over couple of weeks ease him in....this is if 2 and 3 arent helping.

Speak to the teacher as he/she should be experienced and should be able to help and together come to an agreement!

Answer 5

I have to agree with the others.  Do not give him a choice.  Obviously if you are sending him then you need him to be in care while you are working.  If you feel like this preschool is a safe environment, then there shouldn't be any problems.  Have you talked to the teacher?  Ask them how he is after you leave, and how long it takes for him to calm down.  Is there an inconspicuous place that you could hang out at, where you can see him but he can't see you?  This way you can see how long he is upset, or what his teachers are doing to help calm him down (offering him a fun activity, telling him the fun activities they have lined up for the day).

In my experience, it is harder when a parent is dropping of their child, and the parent themselves are crying, or apologizing, or hanging around too long.  Giving your son a hug and telling him that you will come back at the end of the day, should be enough.  Then you can walk out and then start crying in your car :-)

You are not doing any harm to your child.  He will learn to grow out of this, you just have to stay positive and keep doing it.  Pulling him out every time he has problems, will only teach him that if he cries and gets upset, that you will take him out of the school and his plan has worked.

At the end of the day on the ride home, talk about the fun things he did at school.  And ask him questions!  When he is going home, he won't be upset like he is in the morning.  Maybe then he will explain to you what is making him so upset, or why he doesn't go to school.  It may be something as simple as the color chair he has to sit in, or he doesn't like doing art.  

Good luck!

Answer 6

it takes time for him to get use to it just be patient let him go to school every when he goes tel him when u came back from school and the teacher well tel me that u did good u get to by a treat or we play a game that u love else... its going to take him at least a month t get use to it and don't give u hard time ...Good luck