HELP!!. What do you think of this?

Question

Jamie is a 26 year old woman who is very beautiful. Although she's Mexican, she isn't the average woman of this country because of her blonde hair, she looks more like an european or an american girl. Perhaps this is the result of her heritage: her american mother comes from Missouri and some of her mother's ancestors were Czech and by her father's side, they came from Cataluña (Spain). This bombshell heritage created a nearly perfect woman.

Jamie has a very long dark blonde hair that brights with the sunshine light and her very pretty face has two amazing green eyes. These eyes bright like emeralds when there's some light and shine with her body: She has a slender body which is very tall and is crowned by two big natural b*****s.

Because she lives in Jalisco, where she can take the sun all the year, her skin is lightly tanned and juts out more the beauty of this mexican goddess.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION? Give me an answer, please!!!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!

Answer 1

The heritage part is a little too long winded and blunt. The other descriptions like "slender body which is very tall" isn't exactly poetry either.

Answer 2

She sounds very much like a goddess, and you've done a good job with the description, except for one thing. When you wrote that her body was "crowned with two... b*****s," I pictured her b*****s on top of her head, like a crown. I do hope you weren't trying to get your readers to relate to her, because she doesn't sound like anyone I know personally.  

Answer 3

wow I can bassically picture this person in my head, very descriptive, Great, great, great. ;)

maybe add a metaphor or synonym to kinda make it more poetic. And the family history doesnt exactly fit into this paragrph, maybe you should metion that earlier on in the book / story. Other than that quite good.

Answer 4

very impressive! maybe add that her skin glows

Answer 5

Im kinda like her!

All my family is mexican!

But my mom's dad and my dad's dad are white.

No one in my family has blonde hair except me and my twin and we dont tan.

We get really bad sunburns. So if she can tan, that is not true... I can assure you that

Answer 6

its not something i would think is from a pro writer, but ur on the right track