HELP! a family/ horse question needs answering now! i dont know what to do!

Question

my mum brought me and my sister a 15.2 tb mare around 2 1/2 years ago ( i love my mum very much and im sooooo grateful so please dont say that im spoilt etc!) but me and our mare didnt really hit off to a great start (i had previously tried out a race horse rejecty and it galloped off down the field with me where i bailed out and landed on the bottom of my neck, i was very shaken up and so i was abit nervous when we went to try out Gem- our mare- as she was a race horse until she was 8 yrs old! she picked up on my nerves and took advantage of it and took off with me around the menage- i blanked out- i could have easily have stopped her but i was just so scared of falling off again... i pulled her up eventually and i didnt want to buy her... but thankfully my mum and dad did anyway!) so me and my sister used to go out together but it nearly always ended in us arguing which wasnt good for Gem or us. about a year ago my sister stopped riding (she was increasinly getting nervous of Gem, while i was loving her more and more, and she fell off whilst going for a canter and though she rode her back home she never got back on again after that) and so for about a year i have been riding by myself, and sometimes with my auntie and friends. this really improved my bond with Gem as we have learnt to trust each other and she is now my best friend! i hate even to think of how i couldnt have wanted her in the first place, and sometimes it really makes me cry!

but now my sister and mum want to get back on as we are going on hoilday with a bit of riding, and so they dont want to end up with sore bums! but my sister has decided to invite our friend round with her horse so my sister and her can go out for a ride together tomorrow (our friend hasnt said she definatly can yet...) i dont mind my sister riding again- in fact i would love it if she did because Gem is such a wonderful horse! but Gem isnt the same horse she once was a year ago... i cant but my finger on it but she is more 'grown up' but me and her love galloping and so she still has the heart of a child.... Gem does get on with other horses but she just loves racing them... i can hold Gem as i am quite strong for my age (15yrs) but my sister (17yrs) isnt very strong at all and so im really worried for her, Gem, my friend/ her horse and for mine and Gems brillent bond.

im not being selfish but Gem only seems to trust me and whenever my sister comes near her Gem isnt very 'loving' towards her.

so what i am asking is how do i tell my sister it would be best to start off riding Gem in the field, nice and slowly beforse she jepodises everything on the hack tomorrow (if our friend can come) without upsetting her (she is VERY moody at the moment.... teenage fun...)?

please help.....

if you need any further details just ask.... im gunna be on til at least 10pm!

thankyou....

Answer 1

The fact is you understand this horse and your sister doesn't.  You and the horse can't help who you bond with.  It is what it is.  Try to talk to your sis when she's in a good mood ( I know its rare).  If that doesn't work make sure she wears a helmet and hope for the best.  One ride won't ruin your horse if she doesn't associate you with the ride.  If it goes well good, if not your sis won't want to ride again.  Just be careful that you don't cause a rift that will get your parents to sell your horse.

Answer 2

Since your sister has not been on Gem for a while, I don't see any problem giving her a bit of advice and directions.  Go for it.  She should appreciate it because you have been working with Gem all along.

Answer 3

Try explaining this to her, if she doesnt listen then its her own fault and she will listern to you in the future.

I had the same thing with my own horse, and when other people rode her she didnt like it.  

Answer 4

ask your sister if she wants you to 'weae' gem out a bit in befor she rides so she is less likely to bomb off with her and also if poss take (i.e if your sis says ye) another horse out with gem and you sis's m8 so if your sis falls or gets nervous and doesnt want to ride gem home or something you can swap.

Answer 5

Dis kind of ting happened 2 ma frend!! Jus tell her it's wats best for the horse dat counts- even if she get's upset it's 4 her own gwd rite? If she does get upset tell ur Mum nd she if she will help talk 2 ur sister. Uve got to let her know it's wats best for the horse! If she and ur Mum don't agree don't let them take Gem out. Make sure she stays at home! Or perhaps if u could find a horse 2 ride and lead Gem??? Wen I go on hacks with my horse Melody I always take a headcollar cos my friend is a nervous rider and somtyms lyks 2 be on a lead! U could ask ur frend 2 put Gem on a lead until she feels she's ok. Perhaps walk with them 4 a while 2 keep Gem under control!!!

Hope it helped xx

:)xx

Answer 6

I think you should advise her to stick to the walk and trot only, as a canter might easily get out of hand and turn into an uncontrollable (for her) gallop.  I'm guessing your sister will be very cautious anyway, but you can remind her if it makes you feel better.

Answer 7

Ouch.

A very similar thing happened with my daughters and their pony. They both chose him together and used to take turns. They both got bucked off etc etc but my oldest daughter "bottled out" after being bucked off 3 times in 3 days and then didn't ride him at all for almost 4 years - she even went as far as to say that he wasn't her pony.

Well one day she decided to start riding him again and my youngest daughter - who by now knew all his tricks and what would and would not work tried to help her and it caused an immense row complete with accusations of the one not wanting to share etc ( not true as by now she had another horse to ride as well)

In light of this experience I'd suggest that you tread very very lightly ( especially as you are the younger). Get out and ride the horse first if you can. I very much doubt that your sister's riding will effect your relationship with Gem as they are well able to differentiate between riders and react differently to different people.

Just tell her to relax and have fun and hopefully she will.

Try to find something to keep yourself busy with while she's out riding or you will worry yourself sick.

Answer 8

Because it is family, I would tippy toe around a bit, but not losing the message that you are trying to get across.  I would tell you sister that "you know that she knows what she is doing, but after having ridden Gem this long, you have found some things that she might want to do to make her and her friend's ride more enjoyable.  To begin with"....then go on with your suggestions and let her know that you know that she is compentent , but that you will be available to help if she wants you to...don't use the word, "need" you to...

Answer 9

Im not being at all rude now, towards either of you but it would seem to me that your sister is taking a bit of advantage of you.

She knows that Gem is honest and trusting to you so she thinks she will be to her - horses dont work like that.

Gem wont be the same for your sister because she hasnt built up that bond.

I suggest you say to her she should ride her in the field first because she needs to get to know her again.

Be nice, but not "over protective"

If she wants to go out tommrow, let her but if she doesnt take your advice and falls off or something, just say 'i did say to ride her in the field' maybe she will rely on you a bit more if you know what i mean.

make sure she doesnt spoil Gem, she sounds like a good horse but TB's will race other horses because it is what they were bread for.

Just make sure she can hold her and doesnt ruin her.

Sorry i couldnt help more.

Answer 10

Make an excuse to get out of the hack, like gems tendon boots are broken and she must not hacl out without them, if the friend still comes they could always play pony games in the arena

Answer 11

Just tell her that you think it would be best to start in the field as she hasnt ridden for a year (thats an awfully long time) and Gem might be naughty because she doesnt know who your sister is. Say that you would feel terrible if your sister fell off and injured herself. I ride sometimes and I certainly wouldn't just get on a horse and go galloping off without "trying" it out first! Good luck and I hope your sister is sensible about this!

Answer 12

I would tell your sister that as you got more confident over the last year you encouraged the horse to be more forward and more of a "goer."  Tell her the horse likes to race - maybe say you find it a bit of problem sometimes - and that if she canters with her friend she needs to be alert for that.

Try not to tell your sister you're a better or stronger rider than she is as that will cause her to turn her ears off to you.  If you make it more on the level of equals, saying you've had the horse try to race with you, you're more likely to be heard.

Try to get your Mom to suggest she ride in the field first.  It's just good sense, so she'll probably be receptive to the idea.  If your Mom suggests it, she's more likely to do it, which after all is your goal.

If you tell your sister she's not as good a rider and that you're worried, it's kind of like daring her to prove she is as good.  She'll take risks she shouldn't.

Don't worry about her ruining the horse or your bond with it.  Both will survive.  

Oh, yeah.  Enjoy your riding vacation!  I wish I was going on one.

Answer 13

Don't say anything to your sister let her find out on her own just like you had to do. If she get bucked off it her own fault for not sticking to riding for the past year. who know maybe you worked with the horse enough so your sis can handle her now.

Answer 14

try to talk her into it, or bribe her!

tell her ull buy her candy or somethin!

always in the mood for a bribe eh?

Answer 15

It does seem like you're being a bit stingy with the horse. But, just tell your sister about bonding and trust before she goes out. Do you have an arena, round pen, or field that is enclosed? If so, suggest to your sister that riding in an enclosed area a few times is much safer for both her and the horse since she hasn't ridden in a while. Also, tell her about your horse's quirks. Tell her how your horse acts and what cues she needs to use. (Does she need a lot of leg aids? or Does she need to be held back constantly?) If you upset her, so be it. Also, make sure you have her wearing the correct protective gear.