HELP! please!! i need ideas!??

Question

my older nephew is almost 9 I have a 3 year old boy, the older one is always provoking the younger one to hit and throw things, he calls him names and says things to taunt him, i have caught him doing this many times...... as well as lying and blaming the baby which is sometimes the truth, he also doesn't understand how much of an age gap 5 years is when it comes to discipline. I try to tell him that when my youngest is older he will have the same rules and expectations but he thinks we're just picking on him because we don't love him, he has chores and is expected to talk to us with respect, which is a huge problem lately........We honestly try and treat him fair, show him love, tough love at times, even tend to over compensate for birthdays and Christmas, bcuz of his background, which has always back fired because he does not appreciate anything, he continues to say we don't buy him anything and we are "so mean" he has a 50cc motorcycle as well as many other nice things?

Answer 1

lokk that up on google

Answer 2

he needs an attitude adjustment..this is tough...he's acting out i think cause he maybe jealous of the smaller kid

Answer 3

Well maybe he knows he gets what he wants anyway and if he gets disciplined, he'll feel like you hate him and won't get him anything anymore, but try doing that and not let him get near your younger brother for a while and he'll start to get used to it. You should tell someone who actually has good discipline so the older child won't feel like you are the one who hates him and wants to do this. Or...wait until he gets older so you can explain it to him so he understands better.

Answer 4

I am sorry to tell you this, but your 9 year old son is spoiled rotten, bullying his brother, and manipulating you.   He needs some very firm guidance.  Let me put it in plain terms.   Your 9 year old child is emotionally abusing your 3 year old child.   If you think of it in this way, you will find it very easy to put a stop to it, and you will have less sympathy for the 9 year old's wiles.

Don't fall for the guilt trip.  It sounds like he has you halfway convinced that it's totally unfair that a 3 year old is treated differently from a 9 year old.   Gimme a break!!!   As an argument, it gives you pause, and that's why he uses it.  It works.   You are also falling for the "don't buy me anything" BS.   If I were you, I would confiscate that 50 cc motorcycle and every other extravagant items that he lays claim to for a week the very next time that I had to hear about how you never buy him anything.   And, if it continued, I would sell it and give the money to charity.   Really.  I mean exactly that.  TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM.  And, tell him when you do it that he is clearly spoiled rotten, and needs to be reminded how to appreciate what he has.

Try to ignore the older child when he is taunting the younger child.   Tell him to go sit in time out, turn your back on him, and comfort the 3 year old.      Make it clear that he is not going to get any attention from you when he acts up.     When you have the time, you can return to him and assign a real punishment.  50 or 100 pushups might be just the ticket.    He may need just a loving touch of boot camp to straighten him out.   Besides, the exercise involved in pushups will help to elevate his mood, and he'll actually be proud of those muscles that he is building.    And the pushups will mentally remind him of the military, and respect for authority, and that may reinforce the lesson.  Don't hesitate to tell him to drop and give you 50 or 100 more, if he starts right back up again.    After the first time, his arms will be tired, and he'll start negotiating and thinking twice about going a third round.    If he starts to salute you and say "Yes, ma'am" when you order him to drop and give you 50, well, that's not really so bad, is it?

Your 9 year old may benefit from some organized activities like boy scouts or church activities that teach respect for others.

You need to make a conscious effort to carve out time just for the two of you.   A 3 year old demands a lot of your attention, but both your 9 year old and your 3 year old needs some time alone every day with Mom and with Dad.  

Obviously, it would be helpful to separate them as much as possible.   A 9 year old is not old enough to have the responsiblity for a 3 year old, and when they are alone, together, that is what tends to happen.   He's going to get frustrated with the 3 year old, because even a parent with the patience and soul of a saint gets frustrated with a 3 year old.

Another thing that would be helpful would be to carve out some special privileges that the 9 year old has BECAUSE he is the older.  That way, the age gap runs 2 ways.  While not as much is expected from the 3 year old, the 3 year old also does not have those certain privileges available to an older child.  

Finally, you might try an incentive program.   Give him a star for every day that he does a good job of getting along with his brother.   When he gets to the magic number, say 10 or 15 stars, he gets a special treat.  Maybe he gets to go to a movie of his choice with just him and Dad.   Meanwhile, while one parent goes out with him, the other parent can do something special with the 3 year old.

Good luck!!    I'm sure you'll get some good ideas.

Answer 5

Put your foot down he obviously thinks that he can get away with this stuff because he is doing it. I think you are going to have to be a little bit harder on him for his own good because if you dont it will only get worst as he gets older. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I am assuming he lives with you?

Answer 7

he just sounds like a brat who instead of telling him you do things that you know you do and he knows you do because he gets gifts and things like that, just ignore him when he whines because that's all he's doing but whineing. when it's time to discipline them both it should be done the same. time out and taking away toys. you don't want him to feel like what he did was worse because he's older. good luck

Answer 8

Go get the books "Love and Logic" and "Kids are Worth It."  Love means discipline, limits and respect, and this kids needs huge doses.

Answer 9

Ever think of military school??? JK... sort of.

The 9 year old sounds like a punk. I was to when I was 10... I wanted the attention, and since I had a sister 3 years younger then me I felt like I had to make a big stink about everything. One of the methods my parents used to make me more manageable was making me volunteer. At first it was a chore, then I loved it. And they made it a punishment when I did something bad that I wouldn't volunteer for something. Get him hooked on something (other then video games that just rot your intellect) that will make him better of in the future.

And if all else fails, military school. =))) Good luck!!!

Answer 10

If he expects to get the same disipline as a 3 year old and the same resposabilitys make him have everything the same. The same amount of food at dinner time (a 9 year old eats alot more) the same bed time, the same toys to play with the same rules for going out side by himself, make him realize he has it alot better then the 3 year old, do this for a day or so he will change his mind as far as them fighting with each other I had the same problem with my 11 and 7 year old sons, I make them hold hands for hours if they can't get along, and they are only alound to talk to each-other, so they can get along or they can be miserable all day there choice.

Answer 11

Sounds like he needs a major attitude adjustment.  Maybe you have overcompensated too much and he is a bit spoiled.  We had that problem with our 10yo a couple years ago when our daughter was 2 and he was 8.  So one day we just started treating him like a 2 year old.  We took away his video games and tv and anything that was not appropriate fora two year old.  We put him to bed earlier, picked out his clothes for him,everything we did for the 2yo we did for him.  He could not go out to play or anything that he used to do.  It lasted one day and he changed his attitude.  We still have problems sometimes and he will say things are not fair and I just tell him it can be equal again, I can treat him like a 4yo and he straightens up pretty quick.

You should probably sit him down go over the rules, give him consequences for breaking the rules and stick to it.  It won't be easy to change bad behaviors but worth it in the long run.  Good Luck!