HELP why does everybody try to name your baby for you?

Question

I'm six months pregnant with my second son and having a real problem with my hubby and his mom wanting to name him.I've have tried to discuss this with him and we always get in a fight.He wants to name him after his grandfather from germany who he has never met and I want to name him something else.Of course my first son was named by his dad and he's no longer around at all but I 'm stuck calling out his name everyday.and now this baby I have had a very hard time with ,throwing up hospitalized for dehydration.hubby already said he would not change any diapers he works all the time so he not even ther much.I feel like I'm the one that has to go through all this s--- and don't even have a right to name yet another child.he says if I go behind his back and name him what I want then he doesn't want it to have his last name and he will never forgive me and we will fight about it the rest of our lives.I don't know how to handle this but what should be a joyous thing has turned into a nightma

Answer 1

I had this exact same problem with my first daughter.  We thought my daughter was going to be a boy, but she wasn't.  My hubby and his mother had it in their heads that they wanted to name my son after my husband (normally I would agree, but I was pissed off his family was jumping on me).  I finally laid down the law.

I told his mother that this might be her grandbaby (first or not), however that she has zero say in whatever I name my child.  I am having the baby, not her.

I told my husband that unless he pops this kid out, he has no say either.  I also informed him that regardless of how awesome he feels such-and-such a name is, that I didn't agree.

As the mother of the child, you ARE allowed to give your child whatever last name you want.  You are naming your child.  The father, mother-in-law, doctors...they all have zero say.  You will be filling out the paperwork.  You do NOT need their permission to use their last name.  YOU have all the rights here, neither of them do.  ONLY you.  The law will back you up with this too.

However, if you were to add the father as the "father" on the birth certificate - you would need his signature.  But regarding the name, he is NOT the driving force on this decision.  YOU are.  This is YOUR decision, not anyone else's.

I would though, hope you could come to some sort of common ground with your husband before the baby is born.  I doubt you want more drama when you've just given birth.

I think your husband is acting like a baby when it comes to the names and not helping you out after the baby is born.  He helped make the kid, so he can help you raise it.  All his controlling demands, seem a little out there.  No way I'd let my own husband threaten me like that.

Answer 2

This should be a happy time in your life.  And your mother-in-law shouldn't even be involved in it!  It sounds as if maybe they are afraid that the name will not be carried on in the family and this is their attempt to get it in.  Was he this adamant about the name before you were married?

Have you thought about relenting and letting your son have the name your husband wants as a middle name?  Would your husband consider it?  

Or the other way around.  My mother and father fought for years, as he wanted a son named Felix, after a brother of his who died in his teens.   She hated it, but relented and let him name him, and gave him the middle name of Joseph.  He has been "Joey" to us for years.  My dad tried calling him Felix, but since everyone else called him Joey my dad finally caved in after about 6 months  : )

Your husband is being a big baby, saying he doesn't want the baby to have his last name if he can't name him, will never forgive you, and that you will fight about it for the rest of your lives, pleeeeeease!  Is that the type of home environment he wants to create for your family?  Not to mention the son you already have.  

And, as far as your husband helping with the baby, he can help when he is home.  No one works 24/7.

You don't need any stress in your life while you're having a difficult pregnancy.   Try to work out something you can both live with.  My heart goes out to you.

God bless!

Answer 3

Sit him down and talk to him about it...If he said that..then he doesn't even deserve to have his last name associated with your baby. That's bull. Maybe you can compromise? You pick a first and he picks a middle name. Or vice-versa.

Answer 4

last time i checked, u, the woman are gonna birth the child, 2, your gonna do all the work, 3 you have the right to do as you please with the name....if you dont wanna go the my way or the highway with him(wich is what i would do) then try the fathers choice as the middle name and yours as the first..hope it all works out..p.s, this is all supposed to be a fun time for you, dont let somewhat selfish ppl ruin it