HElp please its about my daughter?

Question

my daughter is almost 13 shes a straight A student but she has a boyfriend i mean they hug and kiss and go to the movies together and i think this is to young but yet again i dont know how young kids start dating is there anything that i should be worried about

Answer 1

If your daughter is almost 13, she probably won't do anything sexual, unless she's influenced by peer pressure and her friends do stuff. Make sure she knows everything she needs to know about s*x. Most relationships at 13 don't last very long, so I wouldn't worry.

Answer 2

Maybe it's because I am a single Dad, but I am somewhat overprotective of my daughters. This behavior, at this age is inappropriate. No if's, and's, or but's about it. You are the boss, plain and simple. If it makes you uncomfortable, then do something about it. You make the rules, right? I know I do and when something like this happens, I end it right away. They may not understand or appreciate it for years to come, but eventually she will.

Answer 3

You're the boss. If you don't want her to date because you're worried then don't let her.

Answer 4

shes not too young plus its wrong to end true love shes prob doing better to also impress him which is a benift to herself. no you should not stop this becuase sh ewill hate you be embarassed and miss out n a really great guy!

Answer 5

Wow, I tend to be old fashioned about dating and even though my daughter is 9 I try really hard to keep those lines of communication open. It's nice that she has a nice boy to influence her instead of the previous ones. But I think it would be a good time to have a talk. I don't think a full blown out s*x talk just yet. I would try to talk to her on her level and find out what they do and just how far they kiss and hug. Do they watch the movie or have a make out session? because there is a difference. I think a cute peck would be acceptable but no tounge just yet. If you are concerned about their dates I would just start going to the movies with them and if his parents take them I would ask that one of his parents attend too. You don't have to sit next to them with a cow prod. Just sit in the back and supervise. I think that speaking to his parents "confidentially" would be a good idea/ You don't want to embarrass her but you do want to make sure she is behaving in a way that is acceptable to you. I think I didn't have my first real kiss until 8th grade and it was so special but even then I knew girls who were having s*x in 7th grade. I don't want that for my daughter so I do let her know clearly what my expectations are for her and I think she appreciates me for it. It also helps her have a guideline to follow when peer pressure comes knocking! ;)

Answer 6

I believe you when you say that he's a good guy & that you're daughter has changed for the GOOD... except I have one problem with that..

You never change FOR someone.. because when that someone isn't there anymore, guess what... you go back to your old ways.

You change for yourself.

I think at 13 it's okay to have friends.. it depends on how strict you are.

I think -to a point- you can't help what she calls him "my BF" or "my friend" but out of respect my daughter better call him her BFF (best friend forever) and not BOYFRIEND.

In my culture (Mexican) you aren't allowed to date until you're 15 & even then all you do is come to the girls parents house for dinner.. NO hugging KISSING (omg no way) and stuff like that.. you do homework together and you go for a short walk together (in eye distance) and maybe a movie but I'm dropping off and picking up ..

I know not all cultures are the same..

It all depends on how you want to raise her.. and that's totally your busines and I'm not JUDGING you.. I'm just telling you how we do it in my home.

Also...... it's all about trust.. and teens are craving it.. but they have to show that we can trust them before they can get some.. u know..

my kid is also 4 yrs old so what do I know.. when she's 13 I may be just as lost & confused...

Answer 7

hope you talked to your kid about s*x befor they decide to do it. the younger they date the younger they get preggo.

Answer 8

You say your daughter is "almost 13" so she is actually 12.  Do you think she is capable of making life altering decisions?  You know that at 12 she is hugging and kissing a young man.  What do you think the chances are that she will maintain this level of intimacy and not proceed to sexual contact?

I'm not trying to come across as angry only extremely alarmed.  Please rethink your position.

Answer 9

Talk to her about it.. Tell her how you feel. Have this guy over for dinner and see if he is really the guy you want your daughter to date.

Answer 10

You didn't say how old the boy is...is he also 13 or is he older? Sixteen is usually the youngest recommended age for girls to begin to date and then it should be with a group. Kids today are way too sexual for her to be allowed to be alone with a guy...unless you want her pregnant!

Answer 11

If your daughter wants to have a boyfriend at this age, I don't think they should be allowed to go out alone.   If you like him, by all means invite him over to play video games with your daughter, or do their homework together.  If you trust his parents to supervise them, allow her to visit his house to hang out together.  But there's no need for them to be going on actual "dates" at age 12.  It's normal for kids this age to be interested in the opposite s*x, but any relationship should be very closely supervised.

Answer 12

no way dont worry about it! so long as she is sensible and knows when it gets too far she will be fine. chaniki x

Answer 13

I had to wait till I was 16 to date, and I happy that was a rule in my house. There were days when I hated it but I listened to my parents and am thankful for it. I never had to face a breakup in school or worry about nasty rumors spread about me. I watch my friends go through boyfrinds and claimed they loved them so they were willing to get sexually involved. I don't know your daughter so I am not saying that this will happen, but in the times we live in now things like this always happen. School has to continue to be her first priority and its so easy to just skip homework one night becuase she is an A student. Also, do you chaperone her dates to the movies? You would be suprised what people are willing to do in a theater. Although he is an altar boy, he is still a young man with sexual feelings. If you are questioning it, it means that you are not OK with it. She is going to be mad at you for "trying to control her life" but you are her mother. I see that some people are getting aggressive about you being the mom and needing to make control, a think a lot of moms struggle with this issue and some just ignore it so that they can maintain a fun relationship with their daughters. Good luck :)

Answer 14

In my opinion, she is too young to date. However, I recognize that many parents allow kids to date at that age. Some solid ground rules that would be helpful include never allowing them to be alone together. Also, I think a movie date at that age should include at least two couples.  That way any chance of any experimentation is curtailed. Talk to her about your values and why you think intimacy is just for older (preferably  married) couples. Also, keep a close watch on her peers. If they think s*x at this age is off limits, she will too.

Answer 15

YOU ARE THE PARENT!!! somewhere along the way you seem to have forgotten this.  Time to put on the breaks and turn things around.  Take time out of your life to monitor your child.  She IS too young to be dating.  I don't care what her grades are, or what "everyone else is doing", she is too young.  YOu need to lay down the law and follow through.  Stop letting her run your relationship, because in the long run, children lose respect for the parent who tries to be the buddy instead of being the parent.  She needs limits and my fight you, but deep down inside will be glad that you gave her limits and followed through.

Answer 16

You need to have a talk with your daughter and educate her about her (and her boyfriend's) sexuality.  She isn't too young to have sexual urges and she isn't too young to act upon those urges.  So you need to get her up to speed so she can make informed decisions when it comes to kissing, petting, and all the sexual aspects of her relationship.

It is important for children to understand sexual feelings and relationships before they become sexually active. In fact, studies have shown that teens who have discussed s*x with their parents are more likely to wait longer to begin having s*x and to use contraception.  If your daughter is already kissing then she is having these feelings.

When you talk to her, focus on the facts. Consider using the following list of topics as an outline:

Explanation of anatomy and reproduction in males and females

Sexual intercourse and pregnancy

Fertility and birth control

Other forms of sexual behavior, including oral s*x, masturbation, and petting

Sexual orientation, including heterosexuality, homosexuality , and bisexuality

The physical and emotional aspects of s*x, including the differences between males and females

Self-image and peer pressure

Sexually transmitted diseases

Rape and date rape, including how being intoxicated (drunk or high), or accepting rides/going to private places with strangers or acquaintances puts you at risk



How choice of clothing and the way you present yourself sends messages to others about your interest in sexual behavior

Some parents are uncomfortable talking to their kids about s*x. It may help to practice what you are going to say before you sit down with your daughter. Be sure to pay attention and listen, as well. It may be helpful to have both parents present for support. Some teens may be embarrassed to talk about s*x or to admit they don't know something, and so may not ask direct questions. Look for opportunities to bring up sexuality issues with your children. Opportunities may come from a scene on TV or in a movie, a book or article, or the appearance of visible changes in your son or daughter, such as the growth of b*****s or facial hair. Explain the physical maturation process and the sexual arousal process. Remember to respect your child's privacy, and try to show that you trust him or her to make good decisions.

When talking with your teen, consider the following teen sexual rights, which were developed by the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS):

The right to accurate information about sexuality and HIV/AIDS

The right to stop being physical or sexual with a partner at any point



The right to say no to an unwanted touch of any kind



The right to make decisions about sexuality, in your own time



The right to express your sexuality safely, without risk of pregnancy, or STDs including HIV/AIDS

The right not to be pressured into being physical or sexual



The right not to express your sexuality unless you want to

Answer 17

First and foremost, YOU ARE THE PARENT!

If you don't think she should be dating, then tell her so- and don't be afraid to get in her face and enforce it!

However, try talking to her.  Ask her why she likes this boy.  Ask her point blank if she is having s*x with him- and don't fly off the handle if she says yes.  Make sure she knows the physical and psychological ramifications of her actions.  If she is old enough to be interested, then she is old enough to know about the birds and the bees.  She is old enough to know about the dangers, protection, pregnancy, STDs, and she should know that it's OK TO SAY NO!  It may be awkward at first to talk to her about s*x, but imagine how awkward it will be for her to say "Mom, I think I'm pregnant"!

If she is innocently just dating this boy, try and be more involved.  Let her know that she can see him WITH SUPERVISION.  Invite him to dinner at your house.  Let them hang out together in your house WITH THE DOORS OPEN.  Get to know his parents and make sure they understand your concerns and make sure they are on the same page.  Let them go out together WITH  A GROUP OF FRIENDS.  Know where they are going and what they are doing.  If they say they are going to the movies, make sure you know EXACTLY WHEN IT STARTS AND WHEN IT ENDS.  Don't be affraid to punish her if she fails to meet your curfew!

In the end though, you know your daughter.  Some kids are brilliant and some are dumb as Gump... and I'm not talking about book smarts.  You know if your daughter is prone to lying.  You know how she interacts with her peers, and if she is all about "doing what everyone else is doing".  You know if she is emotionally weak or if she has a strong enough character to do what is right!  Some kids shouldn't be dating at 13.  Some shouldn't be dating at 30!  

I think it is important to have a kind of puppy love, to learn to interact with the opposite s*x, and to get your heart broken once.  Don't let her go through it blindly, and most importantly, let her know that it is ok to talk to you about anything and everything.  Arm her with knowledge, and don't forget to share your views with her.  

But remember, she is not your friend.  Yes, you should be able to talk.  Yes, you should be able to gab and have fun together.  Yes, you should respect eachother's oppinions.  But again, YOU ARE THE PARENT.  If you have to play the "Mom Card", then play it.  Make sure she is clear on what your expectations are and what her responsibilities are.  And if you threaten a punishment, stick to it and follow through.  Show her that you mean buisness, and be sure to let her know that you love her unconditionally, even if it hurts.

Good Luck to you and your daughter.

Here are some websites to help get you talking to your daughter:

http://www.talkingwithkids.org/s*x.html

http://www.familiesaretalking.org/teen/t...

Answer 18

Always remeber you are the parent.  I am very conservative and I think if they are hugging and kissing they have already cross the line and not going back but forward.  It is a matter of time when they get to the next level.  

Also if my daughter wanted to date at 13 I will be going with her everywhere she wanted to go with "nice" boy.  Personally the appropriate age for dating to me is 16

Answer 19

If you do not want to become a grandma one of these days it is high time that you have a talk with your kid --not to explain everything about the bees and the flowers--which she knows already, but to lay down the groundrules. And then the choice is yours: if she goes on hugging and kissing  she will soon graduate to the major leagues, so put her on the pill if you dont want any pregnancy. As simple as that.

Answer 20

If he's a good kid, you have nothing to worry about.

Talk to her about her choices, tell her you'll be there if she EVER needs you, and make her believe it.

many parents are so overprotective, their children end up resenting them for it.

there are also lots of great books at your public library that you may want to check out!

Hope this helps!!

Answer 21

I know it wasn't like this in your day, but kids start dating around 12 or 13.