HOW DO I GET MY FAMILY TO HELP WITH THE CARE OF MY MUM?

Question

My Mum is 81. My Dad passed away five years ago. The relationship I have with my partner allowed me to move in with my Mum and care for her for a few years. My partner was looking after his own Dad who passed away a year ago.

I only have one sister and she lives a couple of hours away from Mum. Her husband is retired and is extrememly overweight, to the point of making it impossible for him to put on his own shoes and socks.

I'm happy to keep looking after my Mum and also to have her live with my partner and me next year when he retires.

The problem is - whever I need a break from looking after my Mother, I have a real lot of trouble getting my sister to step up to the plate and take a turn. Her excuse is always that her husband needs her too much. I get angry because it's almost like she is saying to me "your relationship doesnt matter, only mine does". I know this situation isn't going to change but the problem for me is the resentment I am beginning to feel. I need to say something to her but not quite sure where to start. She is older than me and has always been the "bossy" one. I love her and know that she loves me but I really need to find a way to make her understand.

Help?

Answer 1

These situations can cause a lot of tension between family members if they aren't taken care of, I know. You'll just need to sit your sister down and explain to her, that you don't mind taking the brunt of the load, but you'd appreciate it if she would be there once in awhile when you need time for yourself. Make sure that she realizes that mum isn't getting any younger, and that she'd really appreciate the time she'd get to spend with her. You're more than happy to take her into your home, take care of her full time, the least your sister can do is give you a break once in awhile. You've got to let her know exactly what you're feeling and what you'd like her to do, otherwise there will be alot of undue resentment between the two of you. Good luck!

Answer 2

well first if she was really the

'boss" she would step up to the plate and help you and she would put her  her husband on a diet....u should go up to her a say "sis heres the thing mom has taken care of us all of her life and its finally time for us to return the favor.mom needs us more than ever and as much as i love to take care of her there are times when i need to take a break and have some alone time with my husabad. Are u honestly going to let your husband get in the way of you taking care of the women who loved and raised us? Your husband won't die if you leave him for a day or two"  thats what i would say hope i helped and good luck :)  

Answer 3

instead of having your sister come to mom have mom go to your sister.