HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR IN LAWS?

Question

My in-laws are fine but sometimes they are acting to much, to the extent that you don't any freedom to decide anymore,for example my husband and I have a kid and the reason why we live separately is for us to be able to build a new family, making decisions of our own, my mother in-law is always checking on what we are doing, and she is really a stage lola and sometimes i mean most of the time, my child has been influenced by her, my son always say, sabi ni lola ganito etc.. I'm a deciplinarian mom and what I want if for me to decipline my own kid but because of my in laws my son got confused on what to follow. I have already talk to my husband and my way to solve this is to rent a house farther from my in laws, but he doesn't want to because he is a mama's boy. will you please help me to deal with my in laws,they are nice naman but nakakasakal na nga lang

Answer 1

I'm just sorry for you.  Some in laws can be horrible monsters and sadly there's just no way out of it. They're there because you're married to their son and There's only too little ways to explain to your husband how his parents often get on your nerves. You'll just have to accept. But to be on the safe side, move somewhere a little far from their place where only weekend visits or monthly (if you're lucky enough) will be possible. If your husband asks you why, tell him he will also just have to deal with that considering you have dealt with it.

Answer 2

You are born with family, you are stuck with them, everyone else is replaceable, that includes you. If you make your husband to choose between his family he has known and loved all his life and you, you will loose.

If you wish to remain married to your husband, don't interfere with his family relationship, it is part of who he is as a person.  

It is not necessary for you to have the same relationship with them that he does. He can go to visit them without you, when they come to visit your house, let him visit with them and you find something else to occupy your time.

You will need to teach your son two sets of values, yours and theirs, and teach him when it is proper to apply which set of values.

Answer 3

Well there may not be a gental way to handle your situation.  I would tell your children if they become confussed that they need to come to you if they are not sure.  As a Grandparent myself I know your mother in law only wants the best for the kids and I am thinking she spoils them and that should be ok to a point because thats the fun of being a grandparent.

As for her decipling him you may need to try this. When she does it  and if its not what you would do call him over and say to him. Grandma was right what you did was wrong but change the disapline to the way you see fit.  

Ex.... He spills the milk and she puts him in a time out and you think thats to harsh... you call him over and say you need to be more careful and if you do that again you will get a time out and tell grandma your sorry.  That way she will know you are taking care of him the way you see fit with out having to fight with her.  

Worse case you and your husband will have to tell them that you want them to enjoy him and you two will disapine him.  

Answer 4

You should have checked out the family before you married him and you would have had an understanding of who you were dealing with. Too late now you simply have to deal with it. Of course your child is influenced by the grandparents... Hello!

Answer 5

Good luck.  A man is supposed to "leave and cleave" to his wife and family (family with his wife) when he marries.  If he won't get outta his mama's lap...I worry for you.  Pray for this, you are right to want to put space between your family and your in-laws.  It is your right to be able to raise your kids as you see fit.

Answer 6

If he was a mama's boy when you met him, then surely you didn't expect him to get better with age?  If he won't stand up to his mom, then you can do it yourself.  Tell her to back off.

Answer 7

It's not ur mother in law that u should know how to deal with .. it's your husband .. he should want to decipline ur kids as much and same level as u want to

talk to him .. SERIOUSLY !

Answer 8

I was in a relationship..a marriage...that had a life span of about 3 years..famly from her side...kept butting their noses..in on everything we did...h**l i think they had cameras set up most of the time...or atleast i'd swear to it..in any case...i dont think u can ever get far enough away from in laws...he needs to be the man he set out to be...when the 2 of you got 2gether and tell them where it ends..if he has to p**s in their cheerios then he has to...you can not stand up to them alone..will only make it harder for you and your son...my marriage didnt last...even with me trying to sacrifice to save it..In laws thrive on drama..there is some1 that is not part of the family..or atleast to them..and their son is leaving the nest..the main 1s to do this drama staging is usually the mother or grandmother..which in my case was both and half the daum neighborhood...which just so happened to be their friends....i think it was an operatunity for others to butt their daum noses where it didnt belong...oh i sterd the terd kettle thats for sure..but only bcoz..i felt i was provoked into it..but it landed me divorced and paying child support..hmmm go figure...my advice is to have a SERIOUS talk with your husbnd..let him know..you've had enough bs and your tired of it..and that he needs to make his mind up to stay with her or be with you..it will probably cause some conflict..but you staying will also..Just leave the drama behind you and be sure you are the 1 to file for divorce..1st..omg..the things i know now...if only i knew them then...but then i was so full of myself..i gave and i gave even more..its never enough..oh you can try to hold things together and hope for the best...but i highly doubt it will end pretty...this is all very confusing for children to..esp. when they r old enough to see wat is going on rite in front of them..how you disapline your child is non of her concern..she just wants to butt heads with you to see if she can cause more of a stink..i am sorry for the way i have worded some of this..and from the looks of it..some would think im full of hate............I am..against in laws..nahh not really...i just think they have a nose problem..its either way up in the daum air..or stuck up some1s  p**p shute..gawd...lol...sorry...get away from them and find some1 that is independent from their parents...you will be so much happier...good luck and hope all ends well for you..

Answer 9

If you really want some power over your in-laws, you need to stand up to your husband. If I were you, I'd say I was renting a house further and that he has to support your decision. That you can no longer tolerate them behaving this way. And it sounds like they come over way too much. So I'd tell him he needs to tell his parents they need to cut back on their visits, if they're going to be telling your children how to raise your own kids. If your husband won't stand up to his parents, then you should. And tell your husband, it will cause too many problems with his parents if you do it, so he really should. But that you won't be afraid to speak to them if he doesn't. I would even tell them, if they don't cut back on trying to raise your kids, then they won't be asked over. Take back your family. It's not theirs. They are out of line.