HOW TO do WE PLAN A WEDDING WHEN WE'RE ALREADY MARRIED?

Question

ok before I say anything else let me just say this, i do NOT care of you think that we cannot or shoudnt have a wedding bc we are already married. i am not asking weather or not you think it will be tacky, shoudnt register for gifts, or shoudnt have a wedding period. im not trying to be rude but ive asked this question before and i always get a bunch of rude people telling me we cant have a wedding. please don't suggest a re commitment ceremony either thats just not gonna happen. i am not asking if i can have a wedding or not just for ideas for the wedding. thank you. that said here i go:

we've been married for 3 yrs now but we never had a "real" wedding at a church with a reception and all of that we just went to the courthouse and did it with no family or anyone there just us and the judge. now that we are a real wedding how do we do stuff like the 1st dance as a married couple and stuff like that??? has anyone dealt with this before?

Answer 1

If you get married again to the same person it will be self-polygamy.  I would say you just haul off and forget you are married and make like it is the first time.  This is just ceremonial anyway, so all you have to do is go through the motions.  You are getting hung up on inconsequential details, like the fact that you are already married.

Answer 2

Simply put, you cannot marry the person twice, if you are already married, no matter what type of semantics you want to use, it will be a renewal of vows ceremony.  Unless you want to get divorced then get remarried, it will not be a "real" wedding.  

You can have everything you would have liked to have at your first wedding ceremony (first dance, VIP dances, garter tossing, white dress, bouquets, etc) but it will be called a renewal of vows ceremony.

Answer 3

Just like  a first wedding.. I suggest  it be an afternoon  or evening affair. Not extravagant  just friends,  and family.  Do what ever pleases  you  and your husband.. Even though  you are already married, this  is your day  to shine.. It will be a reassurance  of  your commitment  to each other  that  is  to be shared  this  time  with  others  you  love..

Happy Wedding...

Answer 4

do everything like a normal wedding just without all the will we go through with it worries

you knwo things have gone well and you have a life together

now just have the fun part of the wedding

have the church cerimony but maybe write your own vows and talk about your life together in them u can even say being married to you is..............

for the first dance since u never technically had one u can just call it the first dance but if you want you could "and for the first slow dance of the night i now present mr. and mrs..........."

planning it you can do on ur own or get a wedding planner

register for presents but register for things that u dont already have, you guys have already started your life together and have most of your necesities so try to get things that you really need and wont just take up space

but i wouldnt register for really expensive things becuz people might be reluctant to get them since ur a family already and have the oppertunity to get them urselves unless u didnt have a wedding becuz u had a real legit reason and seriously couldnt have it

good luck

p.s. LOTS OF WHITE FLOWERSSSSS WITH MAKE IT AHHHHMAZING!

Answer 5

just go about it as if you weren't married the only thing you don't have to worry about is the license. When me and my husband save enough money we will have a wedding we just ran off to Reno me and him no family or friends ether. good luck and have fun.

Answer 6

Save your money. You had a real wedding already.

Renewal of vows is typically for couples that have been married a long time.

Answer 7

Congratulations! My husband and I were married at the Justice of the Peace in January 2007. Our Church wedding will be on July 26th (just a week from tomorrow!).

I got a beautiful white gown, we invited family and friends (some of who are flying and driving really far). We are having flowers and a bouquet donated by some women from our church. The Pastor is doing the vows just as if it is a marriage ceremony. (Just without the legal paperwork, which she is actually happy about!) Then a reception at our home after wards. It will be catered, but we will also have cook-out stuff and a big bonfire in our fire pit later in the evening.

Then we are going on our HoneyMoon to Disneyland, then Hawaii. We didn't really get to have a honeymoon the first time, and my husband was actually working both before and after our Justice of the Peace thing. His manager and manger's boss (who later bought the company) were our witnesses - so it worked out really well as he got a BIG raise for being so committed. :)

Everyone knows we are already married, but they are all VERY excited about coming to our church wedding. After all, they didn't get to see the first marriage anyway. We were going to register (in fact, people are still bugging us about it), but we never got around to it. Most people are just giving us money or gift certificates as we just purchased our home, have painted it, and are building a fence (technically for the wedding). Everyone wants to give us things because they weren't able to for the first wedding. And as far as most of them are concerned, this is THE wedding. It doesn't matter that we already have the piece of paper that says we're married. They are SO excited for us.

You do whatever you want - make it your happy dream wedding, and don't let anyone say you can't.

Yay for you!!

Have fun!

Answer 8

It's doesn't have to be a renewal. It can be a genuine wedding ceremony. This is going to be your FORMAL WEDDING. The other was just a civil ceremony. You plan it the same way that any bride planning a wedding does, except that finances won't be as strained for you. Try the book, The Anti-Bride Wedding Guide; Tying the Knot Outside of the Box. They also publish an Etiquette Guide(stellar, necessary) and Wedding Planner(decent, optional).

We're dealing with it right now. We did a civil ceremony(a drive-thru in Vegas) and in the fall we're doing the full-on. We specified to the officiant that the vows be wedding vows, not renewals. We want our families to witness our union, too.

Register, send out invitations. let everyone know this is a formal ceremony. Make sure that they dress up. Anyone shows up at our wedding in jeans and flip-flops gets an invitation to the world.

The only reason that I'm not wearing white is because the dress better suited the wedding theme in ivory.

Answer 9

I will TRY to answer you questions but first it IS tacky. But if you have the money to waste then go ahead.

I suggest an early afternoon time with the reception afterward.  Since everyone presumably knows that you ARE married I would have a simple reception.  Just appetizers, cake and drinks. On the invitations I would state no gifts just your presence is requested.  Registering for gifts would be gross.  If people ask your parents or you about gifts I would say a donations to your favorite charity.

As far as the entertainment and dancing...I wouldn't do it.  But if you want to, I guess do it.

Answer 10

I think it wouldn't be so much as a wedding as it would be renewing your vows.  You really can't call it a wedding if you're already married, but it can be just as lavish.

Answer 11

wow! Im a bit put off with some of the answers. In some countries you had a civil ceremony. There is a difference between a civil ceremony and a religious ceremony. Im like you I didn't get a honeymoon or a first dance. my room mates ruined my wedding day,and my in-laws.. ugh....

Ive helped people like yourself plan and execute a nice wedding after an elopment or a disasterous wedding day.  A few of my family members had church blessings after getting married at the court house.

1: Budget and Guest List: This will definitely help you determine how much money you spend.

2: When, where, time: What time of year, where you want to get married, and what time will also affect your budget. I would aim for an early evening reception. Just in case you decide to invite people with small children.

3: Food: Consider serving a light dinner. Don't have an open bar have a cash bar. This will save a ton of money.

4: Attire: Definitely shop around. Look online at the type of dress you might want. Go to David's Bridal during their $99 sale. Go online and look at styles. if you find something you like. Go to a local bridal shop and try on different styles of dress, and see which one is the most flattering to your figure. For me it was the empire.

5: Favors: Personally I wouldn't bother with this.. They just get thrown away.

6: Flowers: If your going to use fresh flowers. Use ones that are in season, and inexpensive.

I hope this helps. good luck to you. :)

Answer 12

Sounds selfish, attention seeking and RUDE.  Quit being a hyopcrite.  You should have thought about this three years ago.

Answer 13

Here's the compete guide on wedding --> http://weddingreceptiondecorationidea.co...

Answer 14

Why not just have a ceremony that is a renewal of vows?  It is true that since you have been married such a long time, you shouldn't register or expect people to bring gifts, BUT I think a vow renewal would be a perfect way to show everyone how much you still love one another..plus you could renew your vows in a church and get the church's blessing too.  You could do the ceremony just like the wedding you have always dreamed of.  It is perfectly acceptable.  I think your friends and family would be honored to come.  Best of luck!

Edit:  No reason to be a beast...sheesh, I was just trying to help!!!!  Next time, don't ask if you're just going to be rude.  The ceremony that YOU are describing IS a renewal of vows because you are already married...therefore, that is exactly what you are doing.

Answer 15

EXCUSE ME????? Only church weddings are real and a courthouse wedding isn't? Who are YOU to tell me that my wedding wasn't real because the town judge performed it at Town Hall Courthouse.....THAT is your implication, Cupcake and let me tell you, 1) It d@mn well was a real wedding and 2) If anyone is being rude, it's you......

Edit: Y2 -Y1, I'm with ya on the rudeness here..jeeze.

Answer 16

Legally, if you are married, and have signed a licence, you are married, and you can't get legally married twice, unless you legally divorce.

You can find a member  of the clergy who would "marry you", this time within the church, before God and these witnesses. You might even find one that you could bribe not to mention the first wedding. And by the way, if you are a Catholic, and that is the church you want to get married in, good luck, because by their rules, you have never been married.

But technically, you are restating your vows. Legally.

And you are not going to like this, but if you registered, or accepted gifts for the first wedding, it is very rude and greedy to do that again. If it were an accepted practice to have a wedding every three years, everybody would be doing that.

Before this was the nice part. Now, I join the ranks of the rude.

The only reason anybody would consider getting married again, years after the first wedding is to get presents and or money! And you think so too, or you would not be telling all us rude people not to answer! Gee, I'm gonna get me a fake groom, and get married so I can have a reception and get money.

Answer 17

many people get married in court, if for some reason they can't do a reception at the moment, they agree to married by church in the future and have a real  celebration. So if you are doing a reception,of course you can register for gifts and have a wedding like every body else, why not...? Good Luck.

Answer 18

the only thing you should be planning is a divorce and if you think you should marry whom ever then the next step is the Court house to get married, and nothing more

Answer 19

you answered you own question just do it like you were planning a wedding from scratch you just don't need a marriage license. if you have the money you may want to get a wedding planner to help you out if not the planning book 'planning a wedding to remember' was helpful for me. if your doing a church wedding just make sure to talk it out clearly with the preacher, priest or rabbi who will be doing the ceremony. and Wording the invitations maybe your trickest task i think.

good luck and have a blessed wedding

Answer 20

WOW im sorry but FAR OUT your question is rude and all you are asking for is people to get on the defence and give their opinions rather than answers.

Answer 21

It is kinda weird that you've been married for 3 years now. I could understand within a year of the marriage, my brother had a huge bbq a couple months after getting married at the court house like yourself. If you guys really want to do it then just have a huge reception since you don't need a church or anything like that and do everything like normal. Everyone knows your married already so do the dance as a normal first dance. And as for like a shower if thats what you meant as gifts that might be touchy with some people, because if ya'll live together and so on you are asking for much since your married you should have quite a bit within the 3 years now. sorry if I couldn't help much. Good luck!

Answer 22

Honey, no matter how you put it or how you make it look, you simply can't get married twice. The ceremony you would have would be a renewal of vows, period. It would NOT be considered a wedding as the two of you are already married. I know you're going to thumbs down my answer and you may even have a few words for me, but I honestly don't care.

Vow renewals aren't tacky. In fact, in your situation, I think a vow renewal is the way to go! You can plan a vow renewal the exact same way as you would a wedding, only the vows would be worded a little differently (instead of "Do you take this man...." it would be "Do you continue to take this man....")

As far as registering and showers are concerned, only do these if you didn't register or have any showers when you got married 3 years ago. [You're gonna hate this part] Etiquette-wise, re-registering after only 3 years would be seen as a "gimme" and would be considered extremely tacky.

As I said, plan your vow-renewal just as you would a wedding, and you're set! Just remember that there's no way to get married to the same person twice (that is, unless you get a divorce and then reconcile).

Answer 23

Just ignore the negative people.... Reacting to their comments only makes us look like 'witches' (If you know what I mean)

For the invitations, I was going to use something along the lines of:

We ask for the honor (honour) of your presence as witnesses to the Union of _________ &________ ( I would use my maiden name) as Husband and Wife in the eyes of God.

Blah, blah, blah....

For the Introduction, and "First Dance":

And now, we officially present Mr & Mrs. _____

And now, for the couple's Official First Dance...

PS. in my Mother In-Law's country, they view what we've done as a Legal Engagement.

It is their tradition to go before a judge, to legally state their intentions towards each other....

That allows them to "be together' without recriminations, since all that is left is God's Blessing....

They do a THREE DAY wedding celebration, which is why they wait a while, because there's lots to do to organize such a grand event....

I've seen videos of a family member's wedding, and it was worthy of it's own "Most Glamourous Hollywood Weddings" (except they are not famous)

My family couldn't be there for the 'first' wedding, so they are all anxiously waiting for us to do the 'real' one too....

Good luck, and remember what I told you.... reacting to the only makes things work... chill....

Answer 24

Do it all the same, just don't sign a certificate.

Go dress shopping, find a venue, find flowers, bridesmaid dresses, centerpieces, vendors, get a minister, and everything else. Do it like you would have if you weren't married!

Answer 25

Have the dj announce the first dance to the song that you two have picked.

What else do you want to know?

EDIT:  You know what, you are rude.  I was fine with what you were doing until you made the crack in one of your previous questions about "waiting until we've been married 10 years and trying to rekindle something that's not there anymore" or some c**p like that.  

Let me tell you, girly, I've been married 20 years and we are "RENEWING OUR VOWS" in Hawaii in November.  I don't give a c**p what you do, but don't expect people to be helpful to you when you are the rudest of the bunch.  You don't know a thing about my marriage, so don't YOU go making judgements.  

I was married 3 years once to somebody else.  We then got DIVORCED.  So 3 years isn't squat.  Make it be good for 20 years, then you can wear your underwear on your head if you want.

EDIT YET AGAIN:  You go Garnet Glitter - our wedding was at the courthouse also.  Seems pretty d**n real to me, too.

Answer 26

You can still have your wedding vows re-comitted and do it with everyone there and make it look like a real wedding and you can still take that first dance.Just because it's re -commitment doesn't mean you can't do it the way you want.Just do it and have fun

Answer 27

First off, I am in your situation. I have been "married" for a year. Last august when we said I forever do, we could not afford the wedding we wanted. My parents pitched it but I also wanted to the whole experience, the wedding, the shower, the honeymoon What every girl dreams of. So this august, were getting married. We are having the weddings of our dreams and it's worth the wait. I wouldn't of changed it. Planning a wedding is stressful but when you have your husband by your side it makes it easier. Also it gives you more time to get to know each other and be with each other without the stress.

Planning a wedding is SUCKS and honestly if I planned my wedding last year and had the big wedding I would of never gotten married...I am having the wedding, the first dance. A regular wedding. I am just committing to something again but instead my whole family gets the experience the joy.