HOw do you tell your parents, whom I love dearly, that you don't trust them to babysit?

Question

My mom who lives ten minutes away is convinced that My yet unborn child will be spending nights over there and that I will be over there all the time. She goes on that she has a crib, highchair, toys, etc.. leftover from babysitting another child years ago. The mother of this child asked her not to feed him anything other than what she brought over with him and my mom thought that was hogwash and fed him other stuff anyway. My parents bicker all the time. Get impatient with children, (My nephew, whom they watch extensively, since my brother is divorced), and yell at him when he doesn't do every little anal thing they ask him to do. So how am I to expect them not to do the same thing with my child?

Answer 1

I hate dealing with uncooperative grandparents...lol It can be so messy sometimes.

I would limit the times I am over there and when the overnight trips come up just explain to her that you prefer the baby not spend the night anywhere until she's old enough to talk...lol

Answer 2

Just tell them!

Answer 3

So you have one of those too, huh?  Don't feel bad, I have two.  Both my mother and my husband's feel that whenever my son is with them then they have complete and utter control over him, regardless of what I say.

I stopped taking him around them for long periods of time.  And I got used to adjusting things so that my son wouldn't feel the effects.  Like my mother-in-law refuses to feed my 6 month old anything but formula (he eats from a spoon and drinks from a sippy cup for Pete's sake).  So I always feed him (and change him, she seems to have a problem doing that too) before I leave him with her.  And I never leave him with her for more than a couple of hours.

My mother, on the other hand, thinks that every cry means he needs to be fed and can't understand why he throws up.  She also refuses to feed him from a spoon because she thinks he's not ready for it yet.  So I don't give her anything but the bare essentials (no extra food) and feed him before.  Again, she only gets him for a couple of hours at a time.

You have to set limits with controlling grandparents.  They will always think that they know exactly how to raise your completely different, individual child (whom is probably nothing like their kids were) because 'they've done it before'.  Well, they haven't, not with your kid.  Set limitations and be prepared to stick up for yourself.

Answer 4

please answer mine!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 5

[I'm currently 8 months prego with my first] and my MIL literally demanded that she be the number one babysitter.. Shes Italian and extremely independent. I mean. I donno what to do with her. She basically TOLD  me she was gonna be in the delivery room. [I'm still currently fighting this battle with both families cause its my d**n choice whose in the room as far as I'm concerned] But I don't trust her with my kid as far as i can throw her. I use to babysit my nephew when he was around 9-10 mo.s old and she offered to watch him for 10 minutes so I could shower [he threw up ALL over me>.>] I agreed and when i came out she left him on the floor in the living room and was in the kitchen with a glass of wine, and a cigarette cooking dinner >.> He had decided to almost get himself stuck behind the couch. Needless to say I never made that mistake again. I donno what I'm gonna tell her, but it will probably be alone the lines of 'I'm still breast feeding,' or, 'I don't feel comfortable being without him for the night'. Even my hubby agrees, its not happening.

Answer 6

I had this issue with my inlaws.... the best thing is really not to say anything up front.  Just deal with it if the issue even comes up.  When my mother in law would want to see my kids, I would either invite her to visit them at my house (with me present) or I'd go to her and stay the entire time.  I just kept politely declining any babysitting offers - saying I either wasn't ready to leave the baby, or that I had already made other arrangements.... something to that effect.  I think telling them in any form you don't trust them wtih your child will just offend them.

Good luck!

Answer 7

You could always be with your baby when you are over there and when you have to go somewhere then you could tell them you already got a babysitter who lives nearby and find a babysitter who lives by you who trust to watch your baby in cases like this.

Answer 8

you dont tell them that,you tell them that you are a responsible adult and dont want to burden them with your baby,you would like to see if you can do it on your own before you start asking for help from them. tell them you appreciate the offer but youd  rather  try this on your own. but they are welcome to visit you anytime, and you will visit them.just make sure when you tell them this you make it seem as if it  is very important to do this on your own, feeding, changing, shopping, getting babysitters etc.

Answer 9

~I think you do not tell them directly, you just don't allow it to happen.  When your child is over at your parents, you be there too.

If your parents can't respect and follow your rules, then they cannot be trusted to watch your child without you there.  That's really sad.  But there is nothing you can do to change them.

Answer 10

i think you should let your mom or parents know that you feel more comfortable with raising your kid at your home. tell them that you feel that your child may be too much for them to handle and that you prefer that you take care of your child.

try not to be too direct but also be stern and let them know that you are the parent and you make the decisions on your own child.

also, try telling them that they shouldnt be so impatient.. although with their age, its hard not to be.

good luck.

AND CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BABY! lol

Answer 11

Wow!  I really thought that I was the only one who had this problem!  I just don't take my kids over to my mom's house very often.  If I do, I stay there with them.  If I HAVE to have her babysit, I send food over there with them and I only leave them for an hour or so.  I know how you feel about the food thing and about how your mom treats other kids and such.  I have the exact same issues with my mom.  I finally just came out and told her that my parenting style and hers do not match and that I feel more comfortable keeping my kids with me.  Of course she got mad, but it's your kids that are most important here.  Be tough and let your parents know what you think.  :)

Answer 12

You don't tell them.. You just dont "need" them to babysit.

You want to make sure that you allow them time to visit...but if you are concerned about their skills ...make sure you're there for the visit.

Answer 13

shoot i would just tell them that when you need a babysitter youll call but to not expect it all the time.  I would make it clear the first couple years your child wont be spending the night without you. Good way to fix at least the first year is to breastfeed. Then say ur b***s wont pump. LOL mine wouldnt but im not pushing that on you. sry just a thought. its hard to tell ur parents but hope all i helped

Answer 14

Just tell them. I trust my mom, but I do not trust my dad. Just because is is extremely easy going and will not hold their hand to cross the street, he will let them eat what they want, if they are at stores, he won't hold their hands, this like this is why I do not let me father watch my kids, I'd rather bring my kids to work with me, or take a day off.

But in your situation, let them know why, be honest, maybe they will change. I do not like my kids to be at my parents house too much either, cause they also biker a hole lot.

Answer 15

You could do it one of two ways.  You could tell them that you aren't ready to be out of the house and you need time to yourself to bond with your baby.  This will only work for so long.  The other option is to be straight forward with her and tell her that you have seen how she doesn't follow instructions with other people's kids and that it makes you uncomfortable about leaving your kid with him.  If she promises to follow your instructions leave the baby with a nanny cam or something and if she breaks a rule, call her on it and don't go over there again.  If she wants to see her grandchild, she'll figure out how to behave pretty quick.  

You could also invite her over to your house.  Ask her to come over and help with house work or something.  That way she still gets to see her grand baby, but on your terms.

Answer 16

I was in the same situation with my aunt. Who really is more like a mother to me (mine has passed) and I love her dearly as well but not as my child's care giver. I did not agree in any way with her form of discipline, she to watched kids for years. She yelled a LOT and spanked them, the parents knew and it was fine with them. Anyway I told her that my husband and I wanted her in a daycare not only for tax purposes but so she could learn to be away from me and all family and be OK with it, though that was a bit of an exaggeration. I know it hurt her a little but we just stood our ground. We did the same with my MIL because of the feeding issues etc. we said we wanted her kept on her normal daycare routine period.We had asked my MIL many times to not feed her things and she just did it anyway as well. And my kids never spent the night anywhere until they were 4 and 6. Just tell them they have enough on their plate and you do not want to take advantage of them.  Not saying your brother is but it does happen. And just stand your ground. Say it as nice as possible but just say I do not want to be away from my baby yet.

If you are not working just stick to the routine story for now, you feel it is very important for her to be home for naps etc. She just sounds excited but it is your child and your choice. I would not outright say "you yell too much" but I would not leave her there unless you are completely comfortable. my kids are now 7 and 9 and go to grandma's (MIL) all the time I dont know what they or me for that matter would do without her, but it was tough when they were very young. Once she wanted to give my 5 month old a chicken bone to teeth on, I almost had a heart attack and made it clear my baby was not teething on bones regardless if kids had done it before. We all get a good laugh out of that one now.

Answer 17

you don't ... find another excuse but never tell them that