Ha anyone got children with different dads

Question

The reason Im asking is i have a 5 year old boy, he is my whole world, my life, i just adore him and worship[ the ground he walks on.

He was playing with a friends baby today and they said to him jokingly 'would you like mummy to have a baby?' he came dashing over and hugged me and said, 'i dont want you to have a baby'

It really got me thinking. I have a gorgeous boyfriend who adores my son like his own, he has no children of his own as we're both young (im 25 he's 26) i always planned on having more children one day, but now im wondering how my little boy would cope if we ever decided to have a child.

I mean does it cause problems? the baby would have both parents there where as the oldest child would only have me...even though my partner woud be a dad to him

I giess im scared and confused, ive got my baby and i cant imagine ever loving another child as much as he, and worry about how he'd cope if another baby joined the family

By the way my partner doesnt live with us yet and my sons dad isnt the best person, hes married with 2 kids yet my son knows nbothing of them, his wife has verbally abused me infront of my son in the middle of tesco and his dad comes and goes as he pleases, usually a week of being 'dad than like now, o contact for 6months

Answer 1

I think eveyone worries about it when they contemplate having number 2 regardless of the parentage, but your love for your kids doesn't halve when you have another it doubles (quadruples in my case), I'm sure your son would love a little sibling tell him early enough so he has plenty of time to get used to the idea.I'm glad you found a new Dad for your son don't let your worries hold you back from having another it will be fine. Best wishes.

Answer 2

Every child is different.  I know someone with a similiar situation although hers is a bit worse.. See, she has a son with ADHD... His father is in his life.. Does the whole weekend visitations and such.. Well, 8 yrs after him, she got pregnant again.. by the same man, however, at this point in time, this man was married... so he is NOT claiming my friends 2nd son.... He comes to get the oldest and doesnt even achknowledge the younger one.. Can you beleive that?

Anyways -- the oldest excepted his little brother and loves him more than anything... They both have ADHD so they both crave attention but that doesnt stop them from loving each other.

At 5 yrs old, your son wants to be your world.. but as he gets older, he may even ask for a sibling... and even if it doesnt, he will love his sibling all the same.

Answer 3

You're making life decisions based on the feelings of a 5 year old? Of course he won't want it, he's 5 and selfish. My daughters have a half sister and they love her to death. They don't know or see any difference in their kinship only that she has a different daddy. You're the mother, so you set the atmosphere or environment. IF you show favortism towards one then quite naturally so will they. And please don't worry, you love the new baby just as much as your 5 year old and so will he. That's where the term "unconditional love" comes in.

Answer 4

I do although I would never have planned it that way. The answer to this question really depends on how decent your partner is and his capacity to continue to love your son even after the birth of his own child. Sadly this was not my experience and my (now ex) partner wasn't man enough to treat both my daughters the same. The legacy of his treatment which drove a wedge between them continues to cause problems between them and they're both in their twenties now. If or when you do decide to have more children make sure your son is included as much as possible and they are loved equally and treated the same. I wish you healthy choices and happiness.  :0)

Answer 5

I don't see what difference having two different dads would make ? Loads of kids are in that situation and are just fine.

I was 2 when my brother was born and was terribly jealous, but when my next brother arrived I was 5 and was so, so excited.

You just need to handle it right and he'll be fine. Make time for you and him to do things together alone after the baby is born.

Remember not everyone gets along all the time - why should kids be any different. He may profess to "hate" the baby at times but he'll get over it and soon find he loves his new playmate.

Answer 6

Parents have been having more than one child since the dawn of time - and children have been adjusting to these changes for the same length of time. As a daughter to a mother with children from 2 men, I can empathise with your son and say that there will be a few difficulties along the way, but that he will grow to love any future children you may have. As a single parent to a 2 year old I can also empathise with you. I worry that I will never love another child as much as her, but my nan put it into perspective. She told me that love is not limited. It can grow, it can be produced, and it can change. She has four children herself and says that she loved four times as much once she had the fourth.

It sounds as though you've got a great guy. I wouldn't consider having any more children until you are certain that it is a strong relationship.

As for your son's real dad - you should give him a choice. If he loves your son he needs to be consistant or he will lose him. You are the primary care giver, and you need to show that you are the boss. It's what I did, and I call the shots now!

Good luck with whatever you do!  

Answer 7

Many of us have moms with children by different fathers.  Things won't ever be perfect, but they can work out to the best.

However while we heard you talk alot about having a child by your current boyfriend, the one important point we never saw you mention is marriage.  Are you going to get married first, or just let what happens happen again?

Trust me on this...the stability of a marriage will help resolve many of the things you're so concerned about.  Plus no man ever plans to have a child by anyone but his wife.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's in the best interest of your future child.

Answer 8

i have & it can work

Answer 9

at first ur son would be jelous, cos hes had u all to himself for 5 years so itll be a bit of an adjustment for him, but as long as u include him with everything and dont pay more attention to a new baby and ignore him everything should be fine.

also dont worry bout them having diff dads its quite common these days and if ur partner is like a dad to him anyway its ok.

Answer 10

well there is a 5yr gap between my son and  1st daughter (different father) although  my son always had contact with his father........

if and when the time comes for another baby your son most probably will be quite happy to be a "big brother"

just now he thinks new baby!!  no way". he's not a selfish boy at all just used to being the only one in his mums life.........

IF and when a new baby comes just make a huge fuss of  how important being a big brother is..............

Answer 11

Hi Hun,

             Aww, you and your partner sound like you have a lovely relationship and your son sounds adorable!

Love is unconditional and can be grow and love as a mother is unconditional and you will love any baby you have as much as you love your darling son.

Your son is NOT selfish (tut, tut Mrs Jud!). Your son is just use to being with his mummy and with your partner being away he has that time with you. He may feel a new baby will mean mummy won't want me around so much and he worries about it.

When your partner comes back from Iraq, and you two talk about future then you can talk to your son about babies if you and your partner feel time is right to have a baby. Include him in it.

He will probably find it hard to deal with but once he knows he is loved no matter what by you AND your partner and that he will always be your special big grown up boy, he will find it easier to deal with.

Good luck for future, you so deserve it.

Lx

P.S I just have the one boy Caden - 5 months. His dad walked out 2 days after I gave birth to him. He not seen him since. I sent cards and letters and pictures and had them returned to me, I travelled miles to take Caden to see ex's parents and had door shut in my face. He missing out on so much and it is sad but he has made his choice. I take videos and pictures of Caden and put them in box should ex ever return. I will NEVER stop Caden seeing his dad.

I imagine what future will be like and about any other babies I may or may not have. I recently met up with an old friend who knows about Caden but I not introduce them yet as early days and I want to be sure about it all first before I introduce my son to him.

But in time if this relationship or any other future relationship works out and the man loves both me AND my son, just like your partner loves you and your son, then maybe I will have another baby!

But for now Caden all I need!

Lx

Answer 12

I have an 18yr daughter from a past relationship and a 6yr son and 11m son with my husband of 10yrs.

My daughter has similar feelings when she was about your son's age. She didn't want anyone to have have any more babies in general...it really had nothing to do with the fact that her father and I were no longer together. Some kids simply don't like the idea of having a baby around.

I met my husband when my daughter was 5yrs and the two of them bonded right away. As my daughter's father began to see less and less of her by choice, my husband began to take bigger steps into the picture and took on as the father figure in her life. He treated her just like she was his own.

Both of our families brought up the subject of babies before and after we got married and at both times, my daughter had ZERO interest in becoming a big sister. She said that babies were loud and annoying lol.

When my husband and I had our first son in Nov 2001, a month shy of her 11th birthday, she was extremely excited. She loved the title of "Big Sister" and enjoying helping us with the baby. There were times when she would get annoyed with him because he was indeed loud and annoying at times, but that's life. It was after our first son was born that she began to officially call my husband Dad, which put a smile on so many faces. Never did she feel that she was out of place because she had a different father, for my husband treated all three of them the same. Loved them the same, punished them the same...you would have never known the difference.

Good Luck and don't worry about it.