Question:

Had some good feedback on my last post. Any improvement?

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Marissa stared down at the man before her. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest. Feeling as though it would burst out at any moment.

“Hello Marissa” the sound of his voice sent shivers down her spine. She opened her mouth to respond, but words would not pass her lips. He was dressed in an expensive looking suit and his hair was slightly longer than she remembered. Above them the dark rolling clouds flashed white as lightning shot through the air, followed by the low rumble of thunder. Marissa looked up, thinking how adequate that the weather should represent what she was feeling right now.

“Are you going to invite me in?” Her eyes flew back to Eric’s. A thousand questions flooding her head. What was he doing here? How had he found her? And most importantly, did he know about the twins?

“No!” her voice sounding unfamiliar to her. She cleared her throat and said more firmly.

“No, Eric. What are you doing here?” Eric took a step forward and she automatically retreated. Gripping the door frame to block his access into her home.

He stopped a few centimeters away from her, the nearness of him causing her to catch her breath.

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by.” His eyes glinting with humor, almost as if he was enjoying her obvious discomfort. Lightning flashed through the night sky and she felt the first few drops of rain.

Determined to hold her ground, Marissa lifted her head and glared fiercely at him, tightening her grip on the front door.

“Sorry to disappoint you but I have plans this evening. You’re not welcome here” His eyes lost all traces of humor, to be replaced by a flash of impatience.

“No more games Marissa. I’m here to see the children you kept from me” She faltered at his words, loosening her grip on the door. Taking the opportunity at her momentary weakness, Eric swept past her into the house.

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2 ANSWERS


  1. it's very.. er.. dramatic.. but i'm sure women everywhere will love it.  


  2. I really enjoyed it. I think the word adequate is wrong though. Maybe 'appropriate' or fit in something about the weather and her emotions synchronising. Keep up the good work.

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