Half siblings?

Question

After my birth mother adopted me out, she then adopted my brother out, who at the time was two. After my brother she had anouther child then adopted that one out too. Whe i met her for the first time, I found that she had gone on to have anouther 5, that she kept and raised.

I must admit (I hate to use this word) I felt a bit jelous, I dunno a bit put out. Do you think that was a normal reaction even though i dont class her as my mother?

Has anyone else been through the same experience?

Answer 1

I have tons of half brothers and sisters. I am the only adoptee. YEAH I feel jealous. Why was I so easy to be rid of? I think that is totally normal. I love my parents, adoptive and bio, but I still feel like I am the odd one out. Like I am the one who matters least. I know it is not the case but I FEEL like it.

They are your feelings to have, nobody else's.

Answer 2

Well, I kinda know how you feel. I'm the oldest, middle & youngest of my 3 families.  Don't quite know what that says about me when it comes to birth order & personality. LOL

I believe your reaction is very normal.  The emotions surrounding adoption, search, and reunion are complex.  I don't think two people ever feel exactly the same about their experiences because we are all unique individuals.  It's a lot to get your head around!  

My birth mom had 2 children before I was born. Her 1st son with her husband, who abandoned her with the child when she was 17. She gave him up to friends, but knew him throughout his life. Her 2nd child, a daughter, ended up being raised by a paternal aunt after my b.mom was injured in a motorcycle accident.  Social services forced her to relinquish me (for living with a man, basically-per court docs). She had two children after me that she fought to keep. She said that because of losing me and the others, she really fought hard to keep her last two.  I guess her saying that probably lessened any jealousy I might have felt.  

I met the older 1/2 sister first, before I met my b.mom.  She knew about me and was thrilled to meet me.  I met my b.mom & a younger 1/2 brother the following week end.  He & I hit it off immediately.  We just clicked!  That may be another reason I didn't feel jealousy, so much.  And the fact that everyone knew about me and was sort of waiting, hoping I'd find them.  

I hadn't even considered the possibility of finding brothers & sisters, so that has been, for me, an added bonus.

I hope this is helpful.  Good luck, my friend.

ETA: I just want to say thanks for the question and for all the answers here. You all teach me so much every time I read what you so willingly share. I think you're all awesome! Even if we sometimes disagree on some points, I'm grateful to be among you. Truly! <3

Answer 3

I think your feelings are perfectly normal.  Who knows why she made the decisions she did.  It seems she really wanted to parent children, but then apparently would find that she was unable to, but kept trying until she could.

I think that it is sad for everyone involved.  Perhaps she had some mental health issues in her early years that she was able to overcome later.  I don't know.  But it is perfectly normal for children to be jealous of their siblings adopted or not.  I was always jealous of the relationship my Mom had with some of my siblings because she and I just rubbed each other the wrong way.  In the end it really didn't matter.  I was the only one willing to take on my Mom and care for her when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  And in those last nine months together I learned how much my Mom loved all of her children and it didn't matter that she got along better with some than others.

She told me I was strong and didn't need her as much as some of my sibs and she wasn't in the least surprised that I was the one that stepped up to care for her.  I was surprised to hear her worries about each of her children and that she expected me to carry on where she left off.  After going through each of my sibs, I asked her what about me.  How do feel about me and my future.  She said I worked to hard and that all she wanted for me and my husband was to enjoy life a little more.

So, you might be surprised at why she made the decisions she did.  And you may be shocked to discover that she loves you all the same.  You can love someone just as much as someone else, but treat them totally differently.  That's what my Mom taught me when she was dying.  I had been jealous all that time and the truth was she loved me just as much as was doing the best that she could providing for those that needed her most.  Good luck.

Answer 4

When I searched, I found a full brother and a half sister.

My n-parents got married 6 months after I was born, had my brother 8 years later, then divorced shortly after that.  My mother remarried a few years later and had my half sister.

I guess I'm not really jealous that my siblings were kept; I was born in a different era (the BSE), and my parents were teenagers and unmarried, so it wasn't acceptable for them to keep me at that time.

My brother came along when they were in their mid 20's and married, so it just is logical that they would keep him.  Same with my sister.

However, it doesn't mean I'm not sad about what I've missed; being a part of my siblings' lives and being that big sis to them.  But no, I've never been jealous.

Answer 5

i met my bmother and found i had 2 half brothers. it never even crossed my mind to be jealous. maybe because i assumed she had found the right road for herself after giving me up. or maybe because my brothers are 19 and 20 years younger than me. my daughter is older than they are.

i think it is normal to feel that way. you were given up and they were, that would cause questions to arise. but like i said earlier, everyone changes, maybe she finally got her life together and found the right road for her.

are you in the same place emotionally as you were 5 or 10 years ago? we all mature. your feelings are valid, but try to move past that. you have the opportunity to develop a relationship now, and if that doesnt work out you at least have the chance to get your medical background.

Answer 6

My birth daughter and my son are full blooded siblings, I have been married to their dad for 34 years, my bdaughter just turned 36 and my son is 30. Her question was "why did you keep him and not me" that was a hard question to hear, but understandable. Different things were going on our lives when she was born, certainly not a good enough reason. My son was raised an only child with all the advantages, I spoiled him a lot, still do. She feels jealous too, especially jealous of our new granddaughter age 21 months. My son's daughter. Even though her kids don't call us grandma and grandpa she felt special that she had the kids we refer to as our grand kids. Now here is this little girl calling me Gama, I try to understand her feelings. After the baby was born she didn't want to even see pictures of her, but after awhile she started asking for pics. I try to be sensitive of her feelings and everyone in our family tries to include her in everything we do and plan, she lives about 80 miles from us, but she very rarely comes. My son doesn't understand why she shies away from us. She thinks he doesn't like her, it just gets so muddled up. I am jealous of my birth daughters mom. We all have feeling we have to work through.

Answer 7

Three of us were taken from our bmom and she was able to keep the one she was pregnant with. From what I know she went on to remarry and had a set of twins. I don't feel jealous but it does make me sad that I have 3 brothers that I don't know and at least 2 half siblings. I don't blame her as I know what the circumstances surrounding us being taken away were. I can understand how you would feel this way. We all have to deal with our experiences in our own way and make our own decisions on how we feel

Answer 8

well I'm not in your situation, but I think I'd feel the same way..

Answer 9

you have ever right to feel as you do.

Now listen carefully: what she did at different times of her life has nothing to do with you or your worth. She isn't some special person with some special talents. She is just a person with weaknesses and faults just like everyone else in the world. That she couldn't 'come up to the bar' so to speak, at the time she had you and the others is not your fault. That she later seems to have been able to deal with her life still says nothing about you. she seems to have grew and matured but it took time and you were here at a different time in her life. Enjoy what you can and what you can't let it go.

You are o.k. and wonderful.