Hang-ups on therapy, is it for me?

Question

I have been troubled for about 8 months consecutively now and have had problems in the past that my parents never believed to need help. I am now 20 and am overwhelmed with life and can not go at it alone anymore.

My problem is I don't want to make my problem worse by going to a therapist if it isn't for me. If he/she doesn't work than I feel it will push me to that edge where i've really lost all hope for myself. I've got so much disappointment in my life that therapy not working for me would be disappointment that I wouldn't be able to handle. Above it just not working, I am concerned therapists just want to write off a perscription and get to their next paycheck--i mean patient. I'm afraid of not being listened to and the therapist treating me as a case or file and not a person.

In addition, if I met with a therapist, I wouldn't know where to start. I can't explain my problems to myself, how can I explain them to somebody else? If i can't portray what's bothering me, how is even a therapist i'm looking for gonna be able to help me?

Third question, how exactly does it work, someone told me you do all the talking, again... how will that help me if I do not know what to talk about?

Please help with all these hang-ups I have and any advice you've got.

Answer 1

Okay, so don't write off the whole thing if it doesn't work once, first of all. I have had TERRIBLE therapists in the past (thankfully no more). Looking for a therapist is basically like looking for an apartment or a job. And psychiatrists prescribe medication, not your run-of-the-mill MFT or LCSW or MA or whatever. You would go to one of the latter first before considering another.

So think about looking for a job. It's not really a matter of whether "jobs in general are not right for me"; rather, it involves a search for one that is. Of course, a therapist should never be considered as essential as a job, but if one doesn't work out, trust me, you'll learn from it and move on to the next with more experience.

I'd say give it a shot. If you fear losing hope, remember there's plenty more where that shrink came from.

Good luck! :)

Answer 2

Its okay.  There's nothing wrong with therapy.  And don't worry about not knowing what to say, if you find the right therapist, he/she will figure it out with you.  That's what they are there for.  It sounds like you've been fed a lot of rubbish about therapy.  Remember this:  the people who say (especially defensively) that they don't need a therapist are the ones that could really use one.

Another misconception:  if you go to an MSW therapist or psychologist, they cannot prescribe drugs -- only an MD (psychiatrist).  They'll have to work through an MD to do that.  It sounds like -- at first -- you just need a therapist you can talk to openly and in confidence.  Seems like the perfect route for you.  Ask if your therapist is a 'talk' therapist or counselor, and that you'd rather talk it out before trying any medications.  Most are quite happy with that arrangement.

Usually you can find a therapist from a psychological referral service, or you may have a friend that could make a recommendation (one of the best ways).  Most important -- find one that you are comfortable with.

Also, its okay to go to pieces (emotionally) in the therapists office.  That's why there's always a box of tissue by your chair in the office.  In fact, getting you to confront those freaky things that make you crazy is part of the process.  And it works.  It will make things better in the long run (they call that a breakthrough).  You're therapist is not going to judge you.  In fact, when you run through the tissue box, they feel like they've done good work with you.  I know it seems ironic, but trust me, that's how a lot of it works in talk therapy.

Oh, and that whole BS reputation about making you hate your parents is rubbish.  A really good therapist will get you through your conflicts, and make you realize that people make mistakes (for whatever reason), and you end up letting a lot of stuff go.  Makes for much better relationships.

Also, avoid preachers, religious counselors or other types that will just try to get you to mask, and repress your dysphoria, giving you some line about 'turning it all over to god'.  AVOID THESE PEOPLE -- THIS IS PARAMOUNT.  You need someone without an agenda, except to help you help yourself.  And not only that, they will take advantage of you and fill your head full of even more dogmatic BS.  Again:  avoid the so-called religious therapists like the plague that they are.  They will generally make your life MUCH worse.  You'll end up hiding behind some religion, and become a zealot as they deem that you have a 'moral issue' and you'll end up in worse shape than you started.  They'll make you feel that you have to make up for your 'moral shortcomings'.  Forget them.  TRUST ME.  I grew up with these insecure creeps, and they are mostly frauds hiding behind their notion of a higher power.

(of course, cute lil' Rachel B (above) is totally threatened by what I just said.  don't even listen to that shallowness.  it'll just cause you more problems.  your issues are not Jesus's problem -- they are yours, and you live with them every day.  Jesus doesn't, nor do preachers.)  I'll taker her negative rating on my review as a compliment.  :)

How do I know all of this?  If it weren't for years of therapy on and off, I would likely not be here to reply to your question.  I'm 44 and have type I bipolar disorder, and have to take a few meds every day just to stay stable.  I've also been around more than my share of religious dorks.  Evangelicals need therapy more than you do.  :)  

It can be tough to find the right therapist, but there are good ones out there that really care about their patients.  You might even run across a few of those that you fear.  But isn't it better than suffering the way you are now?  Trust me:  just start the process.  If you stick with it, you'll be very glad you did.

Bless you, my friend, and may you find the right help that you need.  I know it really hurts to be in your head space, but just follow through.  Face the hard stuff in therapy -- that's whats getting at you.  And BTW, therapists who have MSW's (masters in social work) (IMO) are the best bang for the buck in general for talk therapy, though some PhD's would disagree, I'm sure.

Answer 3

I used to have many hang ups about therapy as well.  I used to worry about feeling like I was just paying someone to listen to me, I used to worry I was weak because I couldn't handle things by myself and I was terrified what others' might think of me.  Now most therapists do not write prescriptions, only MD's can do that.  I have both a therapist and psychiatrist and on occassion they confer about what is going on with me.  Anyway, my therapist helps me to talk about a lot of things that are going on in my life and about things that have happened to me in the past, she helps me to figure out how they are connecte and to find new ways to break away from my negative thoughts and behaviors.  When I first went into therapy I had no clue what I was going to talk about, sometimes now I go for my session and still have no idea what I am going to talk about.  In a first session a therapist is going to ask a bunch of questions, wondering what has brought you in and if you don't know why you are there it is ok.  The two of you can work on figuring that out.  One of the things I have done is to write down some of the things on my mind, sometimes I write down things that have bothered me and other times I write down things that have gone RIGHT because that is also important to talk about.  You wrote that you have lost all hope, that should be more than enough to get you started.  As far as a you doing all of the talking, with some therapists that is the case but I have found that most times there is a discussion going on.  A therapist isn't/shouldn't monopolize the discussion nor should he/she remain completely silent leaving you hanging in anxious silence. The practice of therapy is an art, some people are really good at it and others stink.  If you do seek therapy you may have to see a couple of people before you find someone who is right for you.  A therapist who is great for one person can be the totally wrong person for another.  I can understand your fear about feeling like you might just be another case but therapy is difficult work for both parties and it's pretty difficult for a therapist to not have some genuine feelings of empathy and sincere care for their patients.  This has just been my experience.  I wish you luck and suggest that if you are thinking you might need therapy you probably do.

Answer 4

You might want to talk to some churches since I know that some of them have ministries to provide psychological help to people without much income, and unless you bring the topic up, a lot of them won't even bring up religion unless you do.