Happened 3 yrs ago, should I be mad? ?

Question

My S/O and I have been together 3 yrs 1 child with him and my older son that he took in as his own! We live together too! Anyways I just now found out from a co worker that in the beginng of our relationship he was still in touch with his ex and he use to talk bad about me to her, like comparing us and making me look bad! She said he would tell her I didn't know how to cook, I wasn't as pretty as her, that she was always going to be the one for him! I know hes not cheating on me because hes always home and at work when hes at work and I know he loves me, Iknow he does but I don't know how to take this, I'm hurt and mad and don't know what to think! Should I just let it go and not mention it when I get home or say something! Its really bothering me and I know I can let it go if I try and give it time but should I say something?

Answer 1

I learned in psychology that if a relationship begins bad it has a tendency to continue to stay like that...of course this is just a theory. But I don't think you'll get over that until you let it out. You say that now you know he is not cheating because he is at home all the time, but what will happen when he gets another job and he is not home as often? This will come up in your mind again and you'll be insecure.

What's the worst that could happen if you say something? I would let it out as soon as possible before you are together 15 years and you still feel that way..

Best of luck

Answer 2

I would say something.  If anything he can clear it up for you.  Maybe his ex was just talking c**p to your co-worker.  Maybe she was pissed he had a new girlfriend & made some stuff up.  Maybe he really WAS saying those things to her.  Maybe she was upset & he was just trying to let her down easy.  You never know.  But I would definitely bring it up with him.  Tell him you brought him up today & this co-worker recognized his name.  You didn't do anything wrong.  You didn't even know your co-worker knew this girl.  It's not like you invited this information in or sought it out.  It's a coincidence.  

Answer 3

You need to let it go. He was just saying that stuff to make his ex feel good about herself. He obviously loves you or he wouldn't be with you. Don't bring up the past it will only cause ill feelings.

Answer 4

Save an argument and just let it go.  

Answer 5

It was 3 yrs ago. Why bring up something from the past unless your just looking to start trouble. Forget about it and keep your relationship happy. You can't change the past and neither can he. Now that you both have grown up a little and matured some, I'm sure he would have changed his view about what he had said.  

Answer 6

How does your co-worker know this?  Was the ex his or her source?  If so, you see where this propaganda came from.

Answer 7

You said this was at the beginning of the relationship. That was probably before he developed strong feelings for you and he still had some residual feelings for his ex. I would definately have my feelings hurt and I would definately talk to him about it. Otherwise it will just fester and he'll wonder what's wrong. Be an adult tell him you heard something and you are really hurt by it. Give him a chance to respond to it. But ultimately if you two have a good relationship and you have no reason to believe they are still in contact I would keep it in perspective and let it go.  

Answer 8

Sounds like your co-worker is bored and trying to stir up some trouble. Dont' fall for it. He's with you now and you know he's faithful and loves you. Some people can't stand to see other people be happy.

Answer 9

Key point here: the woman telling you all this is friends with his ex. Whether or not this is true, she is telling you now because her friend is still trying to get your man back - and doesn't have a chance because he is refusing even to talk to her, thus the friend trying to stir up trouble. Even if it's true, let it go - it was 3 years ago & it doesn't sound like he actually cheated. There are some people you just have to ignore - sound like this is one of them. Unless your man gives you reason to worry, don't stir up trouble - you may start something that wasn't even  there until you stirred the pot!

Answer 10

Theres a few things that you need to look at here

1. this isnt coming directly from this person, you never know how people will twist things around

2. this was along time ago

3. if he did say these things, maybe he was just telling her that to make her feel better?