Happiness from within & finding happiness from others? What's your view?

Question

it's been said somewhere in order to live a good life and to have joy in your life, you must seek happiness within oneself. You can't depend on someone else to make you happy and to make you whole. I believe it to be true but I also believe you can find happiness through others like for instance your mate or a REAL good friend.

Is it a bad thing to seek happiness from others and does it make you a needy/clingy person, or even insecure, or is it that you feel this special person makes you happy because of their energy they bring to you when you interact with them... it's the true connection you have with this person that makes you happy.

We all want to be happy in our journey in life, don't we? and somehow some way through our careers, families, hobbies, and for some us our spiritualities, we seek and confide in these things for happiness. Not just within ourselves or from within. theirs some outer part that fulfills us. So, my dilemma is how do you independently become into this blissful happiness without being co-dependent, and how do you discover it within yourself? is it through experiences or is it through the people in your life.

...and why can't it be both? okay, I'm confusing myself. I'm just frustrated with this question and I would like your opinion about it.

My rant is really based on love and I know you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else but what if you love yourself and you project that towards others, aren't you seeking love back from someone or something?

Answer 1

Everyone is neurotically obsessed with being happy, life is suffering, deal with it.   Now in contradiction to what i just said I will answer the question.  Human beings are social animals.  Anyone who spends too much time alone will go insane, so maybe insanity is the true road to happiness.  However, it is true that we must find happiness from within.  We are codependent by nature, but often times in life we must face our most difficult challenges alone.  We all have to learn a certain degree of independence and how to enjoy life when we are by ourselves.

Answer 2

How to be happy?

OK, it's true that we need other people (friends, family, lovers, partner, spouse) and it's true that we need to do something fulfilling (career, hobby) and these aspects make us interdependent, rather than dependent.

However, it's basically how you interpret your experiences and relationships, that will enable you to be happy. For example, if your career is not climbing, and you feel bad about it, then you will be unhappy. But another way to deal with it, is to figure out what you can do to change the situation - either improve at your job or leave to find another job or other solutions.

Now an example with relationships - your partner doesn't help around the house (cleaning, dishes, taking out garbage), but whenever you need something fixed or a ride somewhere, he is there for you. You could see this behavior, as frustrating and unfair, or you could see that does help in his own way and be happy with that.

Now if you are a person with low self esteem and insecure, you will always be looking for people to validate you - that you are OK, but if you are a person with healthy self esteem and self love, you will not need that and will feel happy within yourself.

Basically, I would say this happiness is from the following:

1. attitude - positive, optimistic, seeing glass half full rather than half empty, looking for solutions rather than feeling hopeless and negative.

2. self-love - knowing who you are and feeling good about who you are

If you have these inner qualities, you will be able to handle what life throws at you and be able to have fulfilling experiences in your relationships (personal and professional).

One final point about happiness is feeling grateful and content with what you do have rather than taking it for granted.