Harry Potter and the Kamran Akmal; Rendezvous at Butt’s
Believe it or not, Kamran Akmal is http://www.senore.com/Football-soccer/Tom-c35214 Marvolo Riddle, also known as Lord Voldemort – yes Harry Potter is not fiction. It’s the only logical explanation behind all the dropped catches.
Chapter 1 – Rendezvous at Butt’s
After treating himself with two helpings of Halwa-Purri, Lord Voldemort strolled down the streets of Gawalmandi, his cloak hugging him, his mind firmly fixed on that one elusive wizard who would bring him; He-who-must-not-be-named, back to power.
It was a foggy January night and people paid little attention to the eccentrically dressed man. Breathing through his beaver teeth, and constantly muttering ‘shabaash shabaash’ (Well-done well-done) to himself, he stopped at a well disguised door.
‘dham dham dham’, his knock on the wooden door echoed into the night.
“Who is it?” a man boomed from somewhere deep within.
“It is I, Lord Voldemort. Open the door”, the cloaked figured hissed. No answer. “Oh come on, it’s really cold outside”, he begged this time.
The door opened with a creek, and the surprised figure of Ijaz Butt stood tall – and fat.
Butt: “Yeah! What is it?”
Voldemort: “I am lord Voldemort”
Butt: “No you aren’t! You are Kamran Akmal”
Voldemort: “No, I’m Lord Voldemort”
Butt: “No. You’re short. And you have a nose and big one at that mind you, and you have huge teeth. You are Kamran Akmal”
Voldemort: “No. I’m Lord Voldemort. Ancient Spirits of Evil, transform this decayed form into Mumm-Ra the Ever Living. See? Voldemort”
Butt: “Er that is Mumm-Ra from Thundercats. Voldemort doesn’t say things like that. Did you even read the books?”
Voldemort: “d**n it”
Butt: “Okay just come in you shorty”
The two men passed through a narrow corridor and entered the main sitting area. Lord Voldemort looked around in amazement as framed pictures of a younger Butt greeted him rude hand gestures.
Butt: “Make yourself comfortable. What do you want?”
Voldemort: “I’m not short!”
Butt:”What?”
Voldemort: “you called me shorty. I’m not short”
Butt: “yeah you are! You’re 4 foot 2”
Voldemort: “what? No, I’m taller than that okay”
Butt: “yeah? How tall are you then, Mr. Brad Pitt?”
Voldemort: “I don’t know. I’m not sure. It’s not written on my Wikipedia profile”
Butt: “you have a Wikipedia profile? Now that’s a shocker!"
Voldemort: “you have one too!”
Butt: “I know. I made it!”
Lord Voldemort tried a shrill laugh, but ended up making it sound like a constipated giggle. Silence took over the room with as the two men started thinking about their lives in the wizarding world, and how they were living lives of exile following Harbhajan
Singh’s appointment as the Minister of Magic.
Voldemort had been a terror in the wizarding world, dropping anything and everything that came his way. Butt, on the other hand, did nothing. He received a life time achievement award for doing nothing. The only time he managed to do something; walk himself
to the bathroom, his streak was broken and Mr. Singh put a price on his head. The two men were now seeking refuge among the non-wizarding people; muggles.
‘Shiela ki Jawani’ was being played somewhere nearby now, as the song finally split the veil of silence. The two men started humming to the tone, but soon realised they were simply unbearable.
Voldemort finally spoke again, “So what are you doing for a living?”
Butt:”I am Chairman http://www.senore.com/Football-soccer/Pakistan-c755 Cricket Board (PCB)”
Voldemort: “WHAT?
To be continued...
Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. The ideas expressed in this article are solely of the writer's and do not reflect the official editorial policy of better.com.
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