Has anyone actually adopted an older child (2+). What was your experience?

Question

Was this child a ward of the crown/state? How did you adjust to one another? What special difficulties did you encounter? Just curious because I hear of all these kids who live their entire lives in foster care. How is it to be adopted as a child as opposed to an infant?

Answer 1

My son was 3 when I adopted him. He was a ward of the state at that time and was living in foster care because of abuse from his birth mother. I have to be honest, it was very difficult to adjust, if nothing else because he was a "special needs child" due to his abuse issues. But we made it and I wouldn't trade the experience for the world! He's 16 now and very well adjusted.

Answer 2

I am in the process of adopting a toddler through foster care and I adopted another child at the age of 6 as well though she came from a loving family where her parent passed away.  My son suffered severe abuse, spent two weeks in a coma after nearly being beaten to death and he has lots of issues stemming from the abuse.  Here are some book suggestions, I found them very helpful with my foster and adopted children.

Toddler Adoption: A Weavers Craft by Mary Hopkins

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Todays Parents by Deborah Gray

Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck

Adopting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck

Answer 3

Listen to Rachel L. she has a lot of wisdom on this subject. Although a lot of us have the heart to adopt older children, you must think of your own childrens safety if you have any.

The system is so messed up here in the U.S. they really need a watchdog on them. It's just not fair how many precious lives have been damaged by keeping them in the system, or taking them from their parents, then putting them in worse homes.

My neice and her husband fostered two teenage girls, she lived on a farm, they have money, nice house, good people, took the girls to church and everything, and children services took the girl away that was doing great and happy, and left them with the troubled one that would just sit and pee in her bed.

Then she fostered a little 4 yr.old girl, who was taken from an abusive family, she grew to love my neice, then they just took her away and put her back in that family. I hope someday they have to pay for this, its just not right, and you cannot fix it nor do you want to bring this trouble into your life.

I inquired not too long ago about a very young sibling group I saw on a photolisting, never got any info back, then I emailed about a few other children that I was condidering adopting, Ohio never gets back with anyone. Leads me to think they care if these kids ever get homes. Maybe there is money to loose, I dont know.

Answer 4

Well my parents adopted an eight year old boy from a sort of foster home in China. It was sad when he had to leave. But in America that is hardly ever the case. DHS tosses those kids around like nothing. The whole system is screwed up. You will be helping an American kid by giving them a permanent home but you also will have a lot to handle. Because America  is sometimes a sick country these kids may have been raped or abused by their foster parents. Then after a while DHS finally decides to do there job they send them to another "loving family" (not always the case sometimes the foster family is a great family that actually cares about the kid and dosent just want them to get free money from the state or use them for s*x. This is how the American DHS program works. Another thing is that it takes forever because the Dhs people never get around to the paperwork. They also try to give you a child who has mental or physical disabilities because SOME people don't want them. Another problem in America is if the child was recently placed by the mom sometimes the mom will want to come back and try to get her kid back. this equals tons of court cases. * this goes for grandparents to. Sadly thats how Domestic Adoption is. Trust me my family went through it for 8 years and we never got a child. With China it took 1 year. Think about it .

DHS victim

Answer 5

One of my friends adopted 3 older kids. 8,11 and 14. Now they were brothers and sisters so it wasn't too too hard for them to adapt because they went threw it together. But they still had troubles with a new school and a new family. I think they were grateful if anything for having a place to call their own. They are now all grown up and adopting their own children. I think it's great to adopt older children because alot of them have given up hope that they will ever find a home adn that there is any hope left in the world. You can restore their hope.

Answer 6

i was adopted at the age of 2 and my brother was one. it depends on the situation and what has happened to the child.

Answer 7

I have not adopt yet, although we are hoping to soon.  To answer your question though, I think it depends on the situation.  The age of the child, what they have experienced in thier lives, how attached they are to their birth parents, etc.  I have fostered 8 children so far and many of them adjusted to my husband and I and bonded with us very quickly.  However, the two that we may be adopting are very attached to their family and are concerned about being adopted.  (Not because they don't like/love us, but because they want to be "home".)  

If you are considering adopting an older child, I would be a foster parent.  I love it, plus, you would most likely get to know the child you are adopting in advance!  Makes the transition better for the child I think.

***After reading some of the other answers, I just wanted to state that a majority of the foster homes are good.  The problem is, the ones that are not good places for children are the ones that get all the media attention.  I am not saying they are all great, but it sounds like everyone else seems to think that foster homes are a terrible place.  I wish that wasn't the case.

Answer 8

people seem to discouraging local adoption.That is stupid.

I adopted a 1yr old from child services adorable, smart,healthy, perfect.

I became a foster parent first with the option to adopt I never had another child live with me I specified Only a child that there would be a 99% chance of adoption in some cases the child would be in foster care then when they decide to seek permanent custody the move them to a family with the option to adopt. Problem is when you don't do fostercare the foster family has first chance to adopt and almost always choose to do so. so most of the children who are not adopted by that foster family have a lot of physical and/or mental health problems.

what would  my child be like  if we had chosen to adopt over seas and leave our own children in state custody to never feel the love of a family. Then what those kids reproduce and so on to keep creating more children who have never felt love and don't know how to love.  If you do foster care, that is basically providing a loving caring home for children while there parents getting there act together and the state is not a big monster that's out to s***w people they do the best they can to help the children and they are only human.

As foster parents you get the paperwork that tells you the caseplan if it is reunification chance are the kid will go back to family if they seek permanent custody there is still a chance they will go back or a relative will pop up to take custody but I can tell you Adoption does work and it is pretty much free. I know I didn't have Thousands of dollars lying around espescially after fertility treatment.So get a grip you horror tellers.

Answer 9

We brought our son home when he was 2-1/2. He was in foster care from the day he left the hospital until we adopted him. Fortunately for all of us, our son was in a very loving foster home and he thrived there! The family was wonderful. He became a ward of the state when his birth mother's parental rights were terminated 3 months after he moved in with us. He adjusted very easily -- we had 10 visits with him, including one overnight, prior to bringing him home for good. We were familiar to him as were our house and dog, so that transition wasn't difficult at all. It also helped that his foster parents began calling us Mommy and Daddy from the first visit on.

My son doesn't have any memories of his foster family or his birth mother though he had weekly visits with her for more than 2-1/2 years. We talk openly with him about his birth mother and foster parents and he likes to hear stories about them. He occasionally asks questions but they are rare. I think my son has adjusted very well to life with us and a lot of that has to do with the way he was treated before he came to live with us.