Has anyone adopted their spouse's first child?

Question

I was 19 when I got together with my wife. She was 24 and already had a daughter. Our daughter was 5 at the time - I adopted her - that, and the birth of my youngest, were the happiest days of my life. I am now 30, and the daughter I adpoted is about to turn 16. It is a difficult time - not only because of teenage years, but I think because of abandonment issues. She is only nice when she wants something, and is basically a %#%$ when things don't go her way. I guess my question is, has anyone else out there gone through this and had similar happenstances? (I love her to death, don't get me wrong.)

Answer 1

you are a nice person who loves his daughters. her behavior does not have any relationship with the issue of adaptation. it is her age, the dangerous and difficult time for herself and the family at large. give her your time and express your love to her she will come to your terms and conditions. what you need to have is only to be patient enough to understand her age and make her a friend.

Answer 2

Yes, most parents with teenagers feel this way. She's normal and so are you. It will pass. When she's in her 20's or has children, she'll become the daughter you used to know. It hurts. I watch my husband go through it and his kids aren't adopted.

Answer 3

I adopted my spouse's children  lucky for me there not teens yet but our oldest daughter is going to be 11 and she is starting to act out , we just stay a team and  talk about ways to deal with her and to stay firm and loving... hope this helps

Answer 4

My husband adopted both of my kids, and there is a 10 year gape between us, with me being older too. The difference is we had no more kids. The kids try us both all of the time! They never want to do anything that we ask of them, but expect us to jump when they want something! It is all normal teenage testing grounds. The lenght of time depends on the kid, and how easily trainable you are to their needs! Remember "YOU" are the parent, not them! Keep up the good work,

Answer 5

speaking as a former teenage girl, just hang on it will get better.  you have some extra obstacles to overcome, and she has more ammo to throw at you, but being a royal moody pain is what teenage girls do best.  

my suggestion is just understand that she probably feels hurt that her bio dad isn't in her life, and support her in those feelings.  as for most of her actions, and words, and i'm only guessing since i'm not her.  she's a teenage girl.  but if you feel it has to do with abandonment issues i wouldn't just ignore it, maybe some counseling to help her work on her anger and feelings.  even though they often come out in screams as a teen they are her feelings.  just make sure you validate them and do what you can to understand.  i'm sure it's hard.  i can't imagine how or why my parents didn't loose their minds when i was a teen and i'm biologically related to them.

once she's out of these years you will find that the bond you two have is still there.  and if you've been supportive of her feelings all along you'll find you're closer than you've ever been.