My boyfriend and I went out for 9 months before he broke up with me. He told me that he still loved me and was still attracted to me but that he didn't want to be in a relationship. This was the first time either of us said that we loved each other.
About 2 months prior things started to go sour in our relationship. He stopped wanting to hang out with me and would make excuses as to why he shouldn't. I knew a break up was coming but I kept on telling myself it was a phase he was going through. The morning he broke up with me I also lost the job I had over the summer because I was so upset and couldn't keep my composure (my boss was a b*tch). I have spent so much money on this relationship since he has none and I have shared everything with him. He never shares what he gets with me. He recently came into some money and spent it all on himself. I don't understand why he didn't try to pay me back some of the money I spent on him. I feel like he took advantage of me.
On special days he would never do anything nice for me. On my birthday he didn't even want to spend time with me or give me a gift. When I asked him to spend time with me that day he was short with me and uncaring. When I got upset he told me that was the wrong reaction to have. I had told him in advance that a card or note would be fine since I knew he couldn't afford much.
After the break up I told him that if we were going to be friends that it would be up to him whether or not the friendship would work out. We're still hanging out/dating a little bit and are still having s*x with each other. Because of this we came to an agreement that we can still "date" each other but that the relationship is open. I can tell that he has tried a little to make a friendship work and I appreciate it, but I want him to do more. I don't know if I love him any more, but my chest still hurts when I think about him. I know I can do so much better than him, but I feel like I am stuck.
A few months ago we found out that I have HPV, and automatically so does he. It is one of the strands that can give you cancer and they have found some cancer cells in my cervix. I don't feel like I can have a relationship with someone else until I get better. Luckily I am at a low risk for cancer, but I know that that can change at any moment. It is hard for me to understand why he didn't try harder to make the relationship work since we are going through this. Neither of us can have sexual contact with people other than each other.
I feel like I can't truly get closure from him until I hear him apologize for all that he has put me through. I haven't even mentioned everything that has happened because it would take too long. I also want him to admit to me that he is selfish, self-centered, and afraid of commitment but he has too much pride to be able to do that. I don't know what I should do. I want so badly to be in a true relationship with him again, but I know it would be a bad idea. Given the circumstances, what can I do? I don't know when or if I am going to get rid of the HPV. It generally takes about 2 years to clear up and I don't know how long he or I have had it for. I don't want to be alone for such a long period of time. Please help me. What can I do to make him want a relationship with me again?
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