Has anyone been in this situation!?

Question

Ive been on/off with my bf for 4 years and in that time, we lost contact but 4 months ago, he got back in touch and we became good friends. After 2 months, we decided to make a go of it but thats when the problems arised. All of a sudden, he seemed depressed and down and i could sense a need for space for him. There had been issues that had happened whilst we were apart which we affecting us and i told him that he needed to sort things out first or i would end up getting hurt again. He assured me he still loved me and wanted to be with me and then a close relative of his was diagnosed with cancer and he took it really badly.

I told him to go and have "space" as i knew he wouldnt be able to deal with our "rekindled" relationship right now. Its been 4 weeks since i last properly saw him and although we have been in contact, it has been very brief. I havent heard from him in over a week, the last time, he seemed really stressed. Im starting to feel that he maybe has second thoughts about us and my head is telling me to move on but my heart and gut instincts are telling me he will be back eventually. my intuition is also telling me the same but im feeling really hurt and upset as i was the one who suggested the "space" thing and i told him i would take a step back for the time being.

Has anyone ever been in this situaion before and what was the outcome. Also, did you move on and forget about him or stay in hope that he would eventually come out of his "cave". Im at my wits end what to do but i wont make contact as if he really loved me, he would contact me!!! Any suggestions before i make a final decision!!!!

Answer 1

I haven't been in this situation before but I can understand.

Your suggestion of the "space" thing shows that you are really caring, patient and loving person - your instinct and intuition should be trusted.

I tell you what.. contact him and tell him your feelings, don't torture yourself waiting for him to call. Ask him if he has second thoughts, and whatever your heart tells you to ask - and open up to him that you are upset and hurt about all this - don;t worry about what he might think of you cos your feelings deserve to be heard.

Communicate your feelings cos he's probably wondering how you're feeling too and he might open up to you too - if he does, listen to him. This may open new doors in your relationship with him. Make the first move and take it from there.

Take care, dear.

Answer 2

I've not been in your exact situation, but let me tell you this:

When my father was diagnosed with cancer, I acted as though i really didn't want anyone around.  I didn't do it intentionally, however, and unfortunately, everyone did leave me alone, making it that much harder to deal.

Maybe you should call, but not talk about your relationship together.  Ask him if he needs to talk about whomever it is that was diagnosed.  Tell him you're available to listen, no strings attached.

He just might be feeling that you abandoned him, right when he needed you most.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Flush your feeling, your instincts and your guts down the toilet hon and use your head.It will keep you out of trouble.

Answer 4

Why would any guy want to break it off with you your the kind of girlfriend guys dream of having. You gave him permission to see other girls and all he has to do is call and you will come running back to him. Wow

Answer 5

yes I have , but this person fell off of the face of the earth and I cannot find them. I hope nothins wrong.

Answer 6

He is dealing with a difficult thing right noe.  More then likely he does not even realize it

Linda

Answer 7

Yes, I've been there and I eventually moved on because my bf of 7 years didn't know what he wanted after 6 mos. of space. You must first go to your ex and ask where your relationship stands. I only suggest this because he may think you guys are only on a break. It's possible he is honestly only wanting space and plans on getting back together. He needs to tell you this however. You must clarify whether or not his heart is still in it. If he can't give you a straight answer, he is just beating around the bush and you will just need to move on. That just means he'll never give you a straight answer. He'll just keep you at his convenience. That is why my ex never gave me a straight answer. When he was lonely, he'd call on me to go out, etc. I wised up eventually and told him I had to get out since he couldn't decide what he wanted. It was liberating and I found a new life. Good luck!

Answer 8

Only you know what the situation's history is, but you may want to encourage him to see a counselor rather than you try to help him deal with the issues in his life.  It would be very difficult on a relationship - and you may only be starting to see the tip of the iceberg.  

Answer 9

   And maybe he's sitting there thinking- Here I am going through this rough time and she is no where to be found.  If she really loved me, she'd contact me.- Deciding how other people are thinking without talking to them about it is a no win situation.