Has anyone been through this?

Question

My husband and I, haven't been married for even two years yet. We already argue about money. He told me today that since I am the only one with a job that he just gives up and he isn't going to help me or anything regarding finances or anything. All this started over him wanting candy. I know this sounds stupid, but I thought that when you get married, it was supposed to be a partnership, but now he wants me to take his responsibility too. He has been saying stuff like lets get a divorce if all we are going to do is fight.. But yet, he doesn't want one and neither do I. We both made a commitment to God and each other and we don't want to break it. I'm just scared of him sometimes because he can act very childish when he gets angry, but no he hasn't ever hit me. What should I do to make this work, he will barely even talk to me. By the way, I hardly ever tell him what I think about how he handles money, because all he said is well...whatever.. so what should I do???? Please Help me.

Answer 1

Get some counseling and then get a divorce if things don't get fixed.

Answer 2

That hubby of yours needs to persue some income. Maybe a dose of hard work would curb his sweet tooth and build a bit of character too.  

Answer 3

SOUNDS PYCHOLOGICAL.WHAT I MEAN IS HE MIGHT BE INSECURE BOUT U WORKIN AND HIM NOT WORKIN. LIKE HE IS LESS OF A MAN, AND BY TALKING BADLY TO U THATS HIS WAY OF DEALING WITH IT.  BUT ACTING A FOOL OVER CANDY, ITS GOTTA BE SOMETIHING ELSE BOTHERIN HIM. LIKE HE MUST FEEL THAT U WEAR THE PANTS IN THE HOUSE AND HE DONT HAVE MUCH OF A SAY IN TERMS OF BUYING ENTERTAINING STUFF. STUFF THAT U WANT BUT REALLY DONT NEED.  

Answer 4

Ok I can see that u love ur husband tell him to get a job and stop being childish me and my husband are going tho sumthin like this we fight alot and since he moved out im realizing that I need to be the adult in the marriage and just be like ok baby whatever All woman know that guys mature way slower then females thats a fact so yea just talk and tell him how u feel about it and that he doesn't need no candy

Answer 5

Does health reasons prevent your husband from working? If this is the case there is help available in re-training etc, working from home maybe?

There is an old saying 'when poverty comes in the door, love flies out the window'.

To me he sounds very selfish and immature, and unless he gets help soon, I can see no reason on earth why you would want to stay with him.

I was in a very similar position a few years ago, but mine was a very long marriage, needless to say I am now divorced and with a real man who loves, respects and cares for me.

Answer 6

Because he's not working, he might be feeling like he's not doing his husbandly duty...though he might not admit it to you.  Not working oftentimes makes a man feel bad about himself to the point where he no longer has the ability to go out and get a job.  It's a vicious cycle!  

You guys argue and that's normal in a marriage.  It's through these arguments that some sort of balance is created.  Yes, marriage is supposed to a partnership, but that doesn't mean that you guys work together in harmony every single time and things just magically work well.  It means that you have strengths and weaknesses, as does he.  You guys have to work with those strengths and weaknesses in order to make things work.  It's through your arguments that you guys will figure out where your best abilities lie.  As time goes on the arguments about finances will diminish if you know how to handle them properly.  And both of you are going to be upset with the outcome now and again--that's still normal.  But it all depends on how you guys handle things.

Answer 7

I think that you have a very real problem and that your husband is either very spoiled & very immature.  Of course I have to ask why he is not working a job and what gives him the right to dictate what happens with the money anyway?  Unless there is a problem as to why he can't work it sounds to me as though he has lost all of his confidence and lack of confidence usually brings on things like jealousy and bullying.  You guys are fighting over little things, but if you don't sit down and talk about them then yes you might well end up in a messy divorce.  If at all possible you have to try to encourage him to get some work and that way it will keep him earning money and occupied.  He has got nothing else to do all day.  Try not to feed his bickering.  Men usually like to be the main bread winner (even though that is pretty old hat these days) and he is probably feeling a little low.