Has anyone else felt extremely alone and let down after having a baby?

Question

I'm 22 and I'm a single mom. When I first found out I was pregnant I was terrified, but all my friends seemed to be there for me and they "couldn't wait for baby." Everyone bought me baby things and threw baby showers for me and always wanted me to hang out. It all seemed so different when my son was IN my belly! Now that he's here I feel like everyone has let me down. They're not here for me like they said they would be. It seems as if I'm not good enough now because I have a baby. My best friend is my son's godmother and she has always been around kids. She just graduated with a degree in elementary education. It's not as if she doesn't like kids! She barely calls me and hasn't even asked me to go out and do something together with the baby and my son is already almost 4 months old! It seems the only time I'm good enough is when I can get a sitter and go out and party. I find myself doing EVERYTHING by myself with the baby instead of enjoying outings with the baby and family/friends. I just feel so alone and I see all these other happy families and it kills me. My friends know it's not easy to be a single mom yet they never do anything to encourage or help me! I feel VERY alone...

Answer 1

Sounds like you've had it pretty rough...take heart and know that your friends/family probably aren't trying to make you feel this way.  I would sit down and have a talk with those you are most close to and ask them for support.  Maybe call them and ask them to do something.  It may be that they are trying to allow you some time with your new baby to adjust.  You definitely need someone to talk to because being a new mother is hard enough without some moral support.  If none of your friends/family will help you out (just to talk or whatever) than I suggest looking for some new friends!  There are plenty of other moms out there that are in the same boat and could use a friend too.  Look online for some mommy groups to join and reach out to people.  Go to playgrounds and strike up a conversation...remember that most new moms feel lonely at some point too and we all could use another friend :)

Answer 2

this is pretty typical to be honest, people (especially those without kids) have no interest in hanging out with people with babies, they just don't find it fun and they really aren't that interested in your baby like you are.

being so young i am sure this is very hard and shocking for you, for your friends to disappear but unfortunately it's very common.

people with kids tend to hang out with other people with kids, people without kids don't usually want to be a part of it (there are exceptions but i am speaking generally)

you need to find a mommy group so you can try to meet other moms.  you could try gymboree if you have that nearby or story time at the library or something, you have to find some way to meet other moms because you will bond with them more now than the friends who ditched you.

i understand, i live where my husband grew up so i have no friends or family here, just him (and his family but they aren't like my family).  i am pretty much with my baby all day every day, he is my only friend!  i am going to try to find a gymboree class to join or something because it can be very lonely.

good luck..

Answer 3

Once you have a child... yes your circle of friends can change. Its not really at your fault or even your friends. Its just how life seems.

Maybe you can consider joining a new mothers group or a play group. Then you will have a chance to make some friends that are in your shoes.

Woman often feel isolated after having children. Kinda connected to depression, etc.

I am a mom to 4. I only have regular contact with 2 of my friends from before I had children. They have children as well. Anyone else I really do not see from my past.

Answer 4

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so alone right now.  I know it must be hard with a brand new baby and what feels like no support from those around you.  You say that your friends don't call or invite you out anymore... have you taken the time to reach out to your friends?  Maybe invite them over or let them know that you miss them and want to hang out?  Not everyone feels comfortable calling up a new mom - especially people who don't have children.  A lot of times they feel like they would be 'disturbing' you.  Maybe it's time to reach out to THEM so that they know you are still the same person.

Also, it sounds like you were really expecting your circle of friends to help you take care of and raise your baby.  I don't want to sound harsh, but that was no reason to have a child.  You are its mother, and while adjusting to your new level of responsibility is difficult, you are the ONLY one responsible for that little life.  That's the trade-off, that's what you signed up for, and that's what you got.  Life changes when you have a baby, and that's just the truth.

Sounds like you are wanting more support.  Consider joining a Mommy and Me group, or a walking group or some other activity group with new moms.  You'll make a whole new set of friends - and these will be friends who will support you because they understand exactly what it is you are going through.  That way you will not feel so alone.

Just focus on taking care of your baby and taking care of yourself while life transitions for you.  Reach out and make new friends - they are out there!

Congrats!

Answer 5

Same thing here my best friend rarely ever calls me anymore and when she does visit me shes only here for a few minutes its ridiculous. All my friends were also here for me when i was pregnant but once i had my son everyone drifted away and i felt like they looked at my son as extra baggage. Now i just hangout always with my husband which is a good thing because we have gotten closer hes my best friend lol.

Answer 6

it's there loss they just need to grow up..i made the mistake of chosing the person who i thought was my best friend to b the godmother of my 1st child she was there for a couple of months then came around once in awhile the only time my daughter sees her is christmas or b day if she is lucky...i recently had my second child and she has yet 2 c her...so i know how u feel it is lonely at first but you'll get over it and u can make other friends who do have kids and feel how u feel good luck and enjoy ur baby

Answer 7

Try talking to your friends about how you feel.  Maybe they think you want to spend all your time with your new baby.  If you talk to them but the feelings don't go away, you may have post par tum depression for which case you need to see your doctor.

Answer 8

I've never been pregnant.  But here are my thoughts, anyway.

Hanging out with someone with a kid there is just different than being with the person by yourself. And some people just aren't interested in hanging around a baby.  Some women with babies talk about nothing *but* their precious darling.  I'm not saying you do this, but if you do...it probably really annoys your friends that have no kids. Conversations that revolve around sitting up, rolling over, changing diapers, etc are just boring to people who have no kids. Just my two cents.

Answer 9

I had a few days here and there like that (especially the first night home w/him and I was on my own). You do need to find friends that have children bottom line. I was 19 and all my friends were in college. You need to be able to connect w/someone who's going through what you are going through. Some people kind of back off after you've had a baby because they don't want to get in your way, so let friends know you're available and desire their company. Good luck.

Answer 10

I would be thankful for what you do have. I'm SURE I've had it worse than you & I don't feel the same way. I'm 25 & just had my baby June 23. I've had to do EVERYTHING myself. All of my family & friends are in a different state. I can't drive so I even had the concern of how I would get to & from the hospital. I had problems during delivery & lost a lot of blood. I had NO ONE to help me when I was recovering.  I had no one to watch or hold her even while I showered, went to the bathroom, or tried to make food let alone go out to a party. You should have expected that things would change after you have a baby. Concentrate on the good things- like that you & your baby are healthy. There are always people who are worse off than you are.