Has anyone ever felt "entitled" to adopt another woman's baby?

Question

How does it make you feel to hear it? This question is along the same lines as Lara's regarding assumptions. I had never heard this sentiment until I entered the online adoption world. I was taken aback by it because I had never felt that way, though time and time again I would hear "so and so is so entitled" or "APs feel they are entitled..." I must admit that on my "cyber run" I have seen blogs or forum posts from PAPs and APs that I admit make me cringe and I can see how they would fall under the category of entitlement, but for myself I always found it to be a strange concept: entitled to another woman's baby." It doesn't make sense. Why would I feel like I am so unbelievably awesome that some woman, any woman should just hand her child over to me? I don't. I wanted to be a mom to a child that did not have one... at least in the physical sense. My daughter has a mama & we respect and celebrate that, but we came along long after her mother had gone. Entitled, no. Humbled, oh yes.

Answer 1

I am honored to parent my daughter and have never felt entitled. Lucky, honored, privileged,.......never entitled.

Answer 2

Definitely NOT.  I think it is rarely the case that adoptive parents feel "entitled" to another woman's child.  That comment is made in ignorance by people who don't have a clue about what AP's feel for the biological parent of their child.  It is not a feeling of entitlement, it is a feeling of thankfulness--for HER and the CHILD.  We are fully aware of the precious sacrifice that she made, praying for her and will always be appreciative.

Answer 3

Dear Kazi,

There ARE some people who feel "entitled". There are some people who don't even seem to realize that they are acting that way! My children's AM CLEARLY had this issue. All I can say is that I am SUPER glad that not ALL APs and PAPs feel this way and I CAN recognize that there is a difference between them!

Answer 4

No, I have never felt entitled to a baby, whether the child be biological, or adopted.  I have read a few statements, posts or blogs where they appear to feel that way.  But, even so, I am not in their head to know for sure if that is how they meant it when they wrote it.  The majority of PAP's and AP's that I have encountered are not even close to feeling entitled.

I honestly believe that some people need to make PAP's and AP's evil.  It probably makes it easier when they are against most adoptions. Therefore, why not create an 'entitled' epidemic?

ETA:  Sunny, yes, I have felt that our children MAY be better off than what they would have been had they not been adopted.  Not because the bparents couldn't provide, but because they didn't WANT to.  Do I feel we DESERVED to parent because of this?  No, but I do feel that our CHILDREN deserved A parent who WANTED to parent.  WE didn't deserve the chance.  Our CHILDREN did.

But, entitlement means 'have the right to'.  I don't feel we had the 'right' to parent, our children, or any other child.  I feel we were fortunate to be in the right place, at the right time when the bparents didn't want to and that our CHILDREN had the right to have A parent who wanted to be there for them.  Our CHILDREN are entitled, imo.

Answer 5

Sunny: You said "Ever thought adopting your child was 'meant to be'? That's entitled."

I guess a h**l of a lot of China adopters must be entitled to their children, then. Despite them claiming otherwise.

That's a LOT of entitlement. ;)

Answer 6

I've never heard that but I'm ashamed for this people. No one should be entitled to any living being especialy with a mother .

Answer 7

Lord No! If anything I worried about if I was worthy enough to parent a child, let alone someone elses!

Answer 8

No.  I am fertile and have my own son - no need to steal anyone else's.

Answer 9

I guess I can't say how the woman who stalked my niece at a Walmat with her ville "networking" card or how my nieces's OB who tried to get her baby away from her and her husband for his friends "felt" about entitlement.  Since my niece and her husband never for one second considered adoption or expressed anything other than joy for their son, I would consider the actions of the vultures who tried to get their son as the actions of people who felt "entitled".

Actions speak louder than words.  Anyone who pursues and adoption and does not thoroughly and aggressively assure that the adoption is ethical by the standards of those who have lost children to aggressive adopters are acting as "entitled".  Adopters who hide behind (domestic and international) agency bullshit rhetoric are the worst.

Answer 10

Entitled? OMG! I've never even considered such a concept. I felt blessed just to be allowed to have my own children, but they were only gifts to me from God. I am currently adopting my 4 yr old granddaughter because DFS had stepped into my daughter's life, because of her husband & domestic violence between them.

I did everything I could to get my daughter to get her child back, but when DFS made their opinion known that they really didn't want to return her to them, we became advocates to keep her from going to strangers. Now our adoption will be final August 20th. Entitled because we are her grand parents?? No, thankful to be given the chance? Yes every day.

Thank you Lord. She is a blessing.

Answer 11

Have you ever felt your child was 'better off' than they would have been?  That's entitlement.

Ever thought adopting your child was 'meant to be'? That's entitled.

Not YOU necessarily...

For example, my amother thought of my nmother as 'less than' because she got knocked up outside of wedlock (a matter of class in 1960's) even though, unbeknownst to my amother, my nmother was better educated, and came from a wealthier background.

Nowadays, because the adopters seem to have more money and are better educated than the nmothers, I think there is quite a bit of entitlement.

Maybe not you, but I believe the majority feel entitled.  Plus, if one didn't feel deserving, you might feel guilty.

Which is easier?

ETA: Did you see the question below yours?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Read her whole question.  Entitlement.

Answer 12

How about guilty that I have so many awesome moments with my son and she can't experience that. Entitled? Never. Read my question below yours. When I realized she was pregnant again I got sick to my stomach at the thought of her having to give up another baby because it's so hard for her and other first moms. Ideally, I would most prefer her not to be pregnant again. Second, I'd like for her to get her life straight, parent, and be really good at it. But, I've never felt entitled. That's crazy.

Answer 13

Even before coming onto Y!A adoption, I have noticed that there can be a sense of entitlement in the adoption world.  When China started slowing down it's process, all the PAPs of little girls from China were up in arms, "How dare they slow down?" "We have been waiting for six months...nine months..." etc.  It drove me insane.  AND then, there was the people who would point out that they were more worthy than someone else to adopt.  "We have been trying infertility treatments for 5 years and you aren't even infertile" "We have so much more money, " etc.  It really made me sick.  It still makes me sick to think that some people (not everyone) seems to think that they are more worthy than the child's biological parents to parent the child.

I remember, even back when we first started out to adopt, I had a hard time reconciling the fact that our child would have to lose her/his whole family in order to be "ours", and I remember crying at this, and for the biological family who would be losing out on so much.  We still haven't adopted, the rules changed in China, and now I don't think IA is the way to go, and with our crazy lives at the moment, I don't think adoption is something we should be doing right now.  In a few years, we may try again to have a biological child, but we may not ever be parents, and I am coming to terms with that.  We may look into fostering teenagers, but only when we can both give a good portion of our lives to help them.

Answer 14

I never even felt entitled to my biological child.

I prayed for her and wanted her, but I found true peace and contentment with not having a child, and the VERY next day I found out I was pregnant when I had pre-op testing done before getting my ovaries out.

Until my daughter was born I knew anything could happen.

Even NOW I don't take motherhood for granted. Being a mother is a gift that can be taken away in a flash, simply by running a "yellow" light, turning you head just for a second, or  someone who doesn't know you, thinking you may be harming your child.

Example: We were at fireworks 4th of July. My hubby was taking a pic with our son. Right when the camera snapped, our son fell and my hubby grabbed is arm to catch him. When I looked at the pic it looked like my hubby was shaking our son by his arm. IF I were to get that pic printed, no doubt DCFS would have been called,

Answer 15

I've never felt entitled to someone else's child.  I usually only see that word [entitled] on adoptee or anti-adoption blogs/websites/answers.  Only PAPs or APs can truly say if they feel that way.

"Meant to be" does not = entitlement to someone else's child, who wants to keep or parent their child.