Has anyone ever given up a child for adoption, or signed away parental rights?

Question

What were your reasons for doing so and how did you feel about it later on down the road?

Answer 1

I did.  At the time I was at a loss as to what else to do, and instead of someone stepping in and guiding me properly as to coming up with real solutions I bought into the myths of adoption.  I did the best I could though given the circumstances and the coercion.  Now that I'm eleven years past that choice, you could say I now am the mythical "bitter birthmom'' not that it really exists.

I know this isn't a very detailed answer, but if you are looking for common answers to this question you should read this study that the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute published recently.

Answer 2

Me personally never gave a child up for adoption, but I know people who did. My cousin was about 16 and got pregnant. She never would have an abortion, so another choice for her was to put her son up for adoption. [she had a  healthy baby boy] She had chosen to give her baby up for adoption because she thought it was the best thing for the baby. & it was. She was young & still in school & it would be really hard for her to take care of her baby. She was still just a baby. She found an agency & parents for her son. She wanted him to have the best life so she put him up for adoption. She gets to see him when she wants as long as the adotive parents say it's okay. She gets pictures & still is a part of her son's life even though she's not with him everyday. She's told me part of her is upset for giving the baby up but it was the best thing to do for the baby. If your puting a child up or signing away parental rights I am pretty sure it is possible for you to still be able to see the child. I hope this helped.

Answer 3

though i've never given a child up for adoption, I am planning on adopting a beautiful little girl form Ireland. She is my cousins daughter. Most people on here think I am crazy to adopt, because I have twins on the way, and I would have 3 newborns at home. I am also unmarried giving everyone here enoough nerve to badger me. lol.

If you ever gave a child up, it was probably a hard decision, but I am sure that you knew what was best for you baby at the time.

hope I helped!

Lacey

Answer 4

Cassandra

Angels walk among us,

This I know is true.....

For nine months I carried you inside me

Waiting anxiously for your arrival

Just to look into your eyes and lay beside you

I knew I could not keep you

I knew you were not meant for me.........

God's given gifts are for us to share

For it is much better to give then receive

So, I prayed to him for guidance, please show me the way

He sent an Angel to help me and assure me it would be ok

I placed you in her arms and with her you will learn to fly

Through lifes long journey, she will be your guide

My eyes filled with tears and like the rain I cried

But they were tears of joy, love, happiness

and most of all great pride

Though you may not see me

I am with you all the time.......

The warmth you feel from the sunshine

Are my arms wrapped around you

hugging you filling you with joy

You will glow from the inside

The rain that falls upon your face

Will be the tears I cry

Not tears of sorrow

But of joy and pride

The breeze that brushes across your cheek

Well, that's me,

kissing and tasting your skin

so soft and sweet

The butterflies in your stomach,

you thought were your nerves

That is me telling you

"You can do it, I have faith in you"

One day I hope you will understand why I did what I did

Not because I didn't Love you

But because you were and still are special to me

I only wanted for you to have the world

And everything you could desire

So, when I prayed to God for help

It was an Angel he sent to me.......

Yes my daughter, two mothers God gave to you

One to give you life

and to share with someone who could not do the same

But, deserved to have such a gift

And God had given me one to give

I know you will Love me for the chance I have given you

I will only ask that in return

You grow up to be a beautiful woman,

share your gifts with the world

Return the Love your Angel gives you

And know that in spirit

I am always at your side.



Sometimes, thnking about her, my baby, breaks my heart.  I know that Karla and Jeff are good to her, but I know that I would have loved her more, been better for her.  Or maybe I just think that because she was my heart and soul, and now she's theirs.  When I first gave her away, my heart was so broke.  She was so small and so helpless and I was giving her to people that I didn't even know.  I was the first person she saw, and the first to hold her, and comfort her and take care of her.  I held her inside of me for 9 months.  I loved her.  I read her books, I sang her songs.  I tried to explain why I had to give her away.  My biggest fear in this whole wide world, is that she won't understand.  Se won't understand that I didn't give her away because I didn't like her, but because I loved her so much - so completely, that I was willing to do whatever was right for her, whatever would be good for her, so that she would have the best possible life.  I just have these little thoughts that flit through, and make me want to cry.  What if sht doesn't like me, or hates me for what I did?  What if she doesn't love me?  Her adoptive mother brought her over to see me on my birthday, aand she wanted nothing to do with me.  Me, the woman who carried until she was born, and then took care of her before anyone else was even mentioned.  She means so much to me, and I'm not even a voice she remembers.  When she was born, if I talked or sang, she would turn her head to search me out - now she cries if I hold her.  I just want her to understand how much I love her.

This is my letter that I wrote to my daughter shortly after she was born.  She will be three in december, so there has been time to adjust.  The first 3 or 4 months were the worst ever in my entire life.  I was crushed and felt like no one understood, and heartbroken.  However, I went for an open adoption, and it has turned out beautifully for me - Jeff and Karla are two of the most wonderful, caring, and loving people I've ever met.  And, truth be told, talking with Karla - a woman who couldn't concieve, it helped me heal.  I watched this woman completely breakdown and melt when she took my daughter from me, and I've watched her grow and learn as a parent.  She is one of my good friends, and Cassie is also a sweet, bright little girl that lights up my life.  

My experience has been very very good, but npt all situations turn out like this.  My best advice is to take you time - while it can be reversed in the early stages, baby and adopting parents bond, and it can be damaging to change your mind and tear that apart.

If you have any questions, just email me.

Answer 5

I got pregnant at 14, the father left me,  I was in school with a big future. I gave my son up for adoption, I did open adoption.I looked thru many profiles untill I found the right one. My mother, sister and I all picked the same family. We basically interviewed them. THey were awsome. It was hard at first. But now he is 7, i still see him, and i dont think of him as mine. I mean i know he is and I love him so much. but we have like a aunt nephew relationship Its so cool. I really wish more teens would consider this. I don tknow why they dont. I wouldnt change my decision for the life of it!!

Answer 6

Yes I have and the reason for this was because children's aid made it very difficult for me to continue to fight for them so I decided that they would be better off with a loving family instead of being changed from foster home to foster home if I had kept fighting which I was for about a year. So now its been about 2 1/2 years since they have been adopted and they are happy and that keeps me sane and also GOD has helped me through the hard times. And I am now 6 months pregnant and in better situations and I'm going to keep this child, I know much more than I did before and I'm a bit older and my lifestyle is way more stable than it was before like 2 yrs ago. Hope this answers you question. Thanks

Answer 7

Yes i gave my son up for adoption. He will be 7 months old on may 27th. and i think its one of the hardest and best things i have ever done. i still get pictures and get to see him. i talk to the adoptive parents at least once a week. i am 18 years old almost 19 and i knew there was no way i could care for him on my own. I feel so lucky though to be able to allow him to have a better life than i could have provided and yet be able to see him and watch him grow and learn. the adoptive parents are going to raise him knowing that i am his birthmom and knowing that he is special because he has 2 moms that love him very much. if you are considering adoption yourself Independent Adoption Center is a wonderful agency that handles only open adoption. there number is 800-877-6736. ask to speak with Kathy or Kim. those are the 2 that i worked with and they are amazing.

Answer 8

Yes, I was 16, abandoned by father and bullied by family.  I was also lied to by the adoption agency.  Unfortunately, wealthy infertile couples are still harvesting infants from naive, young and poor white women and adoption agencies have every incentive to make sure those wealthy couples get their healthy white baby.  I am totally sympathetic for couples who were trying to have children in their 20s and couldn't. My brother and SIL couldn't have children and knew that by the time she was 23. They were also unable to adopt due to her diagnosis with MD. But 17 year olds shouldn't have to come up with thousands of dollars to get back their child when the law says they have 6 months.  There is NO couseling other than to give up your baby.  That hasn't changed.  

I recently found my now adult son and started that rocky road. There are many things about that family that upsets me terribly, but of course, that is now water under the bridge. Just remember that your child could be sharing a home with a drunk (his adopted grandfather) or a repeat drug addict (his adopted uncle).  While his parents weren't abusive, people they allowed to live in their home were.  Am I bitter? You bet.

Answer 9

I placed my son for adoption 1 yr. and 9 mos. ago.  I was already a single Mom and really struggling.  I felt really guilty that my little girl didn't have a Daddy around and I wasn't getting any shild support for her.  I wanted my son to have both a Mom AND a Dad and to be well taken care of.  It was the MOST DIFFICULT decision I've ever had to make.  I love being a mother and to not raise my own son seemed impossible to think about.  I was scared that he wouldn't have stability without a Mother/Father situation.  It was already obvious to see the effect this was having on my little girl.  It took a lot of praying, and up all night crying to find an answer.  I actually had second thoughts after he was born and kept him with me for a week before I actually placed him.  I cherish that time I was able to spend with him.  The adoptive couple I picked out had EVERYTHING going for them that I wanted for myself and children.  They were a ton like me in their interests, hobbies, and appearance.  I was able to pick them out.  I met them before placement and it was almost like I'd always known them and we connected.  To this day I get e-mail, pictures and cards.  They have become like family to me.  When my son grows up and asks about me they will be able to answer any questions he has.  They have a picture of me and his sister in his room and he will grow up knowing where he came from and how much I love him.  I wrote him a letter shortly after he was born for him to read when he's older.  It was very difficult in the first days after placement but time helped me heal.  Whenever I see how happy he is in his pictures I know I made the right choice.  I did it out of love for him.  I put him first.  My feelings had to come second.  He was innocent in all of this and deserved the very best family!!!  I didn't want him to not have everything the world has to offer just because I made poor decisions in the past.  I didn't give him up....I gave him more.

Answer 10

I have never personally given up a child.  I have both a daughter and a sister who gave birth and have given the babies up.  Each person has their reasons and at the time are good reasons.  My daughter was young and though she thought she was ready to have children, found out that she was not, and instead of subjecting her baby to who knows what, she decided that by giving her baby up for adoption, she was actually giving her child a chance for a better life than what she was going to be able to give it at this time.  My sister was suppose to be getting married and the guy, she found out later, was not the person she thought kicked him to the curb and therefore she felt that trying to raise a child by herself was not fair to the child.  She actually got to pick the parents based on her nationality, religion, etc., by looking at the adoptive parents papers.  So she actually had a big hand on picking the type of people she wanted to raise her baby.

Answer 11

well i didn't but my bio mom did and that is because she could not have given us a good and happy life and she did not regrett that.

Answer 12

I did 18 years ago now. I chose my child's family, met with them, they came for the birth, I took him home with me for a few days. Then the official part came in, signed paperwork and off he went.

I wouldn't change a thing I did. Ironically, I'm now married to my boys' father---16 years later. :)

Answer 13

Have you heard of Birthparentforum.org?  It's a website where people who have placed (or considered placing) a child for adoption can share their stories or get information.  Maybe reading or sharing there could be helpful.

Answer 14

I gave birth to a baby girl in 1965.  At the time, adoption was the only answer, I could not care for a baby and my parents had enough to take care of 7 others besides me.  At the time I did not regret it because God willing she got a wonderful home. This was a private adoption through my Doctor.  I will say by 1969, when I had my first son, I deeply regretted my decision.  I miss her dearly and wonder about her daily, I have 3 sons no daughters.  She is now 42 years old, I still pray for her and am still hopeful someday she will find me. A mommy missing her baby.

Answer 15

I have not done this personally but I have family members that were adopted as young children and it was the best thing that ever happened to them!  Reading the answer from "ellaandalicesmom" says it all......  I admire and respect her for what she did for her son!

Answer 16

I placed a child for adoption 17 years ago.

I was 17 years old at the time of her birth, and I was in no position to care for a child.

I feel good about my decision and always have.

My daughter is well taken care of and provided for. She is loved and safe.

She just went to her Junior prom and I got a picture. I have watched her thrive and grow through pictures for the last 17 years.

Answer 17

My ex husband signed away his parental rights to our 1 month old son when we decided to get a divorce, because he (my ex) was g*y and didn't want our son to be "corrupted" by his "sins". (Those are my ex's words pretty much exactly!). Then, a little more than a year later he lied about the reason that he signed his rights away so that he could try to get rights back. After he found he had no proof (duh!) he dropped the case. Now, my current husband will be adopting my son this coming up fall! I think my ex was not ready to deal with a newborn, and so was more than happy to rid himself of that responsibility, but when my son started getting bigger and did more things, my ex regretted his decision. Also, he got "remarried" to a man and that man wants kids, so I think that's another reason he tried to get rights back.

Answer 18

According to a Congressional Hearing a few years ago, at just one maternity home in Texas, more than half of the white caucausian women were coerced, lied to or bullied to give up their children. That is not a choice. The best choice, unless unfit, is for the child to stay with his/her parent.  This is both in the best interests of the mother as well as the child.  Adoption in this country is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.  Interestingly, women of other races were told and provided all the help they needed to keep their children.

Answer 19

Wow, that's a loaded question! I personally have not, but I have been involved with working with children who were either adopted, or going thorough the process of (TPR) Termination of Parental Rights, and worked with their parents as well in this process. Each situation was/is very different. Each had their own reasons for voluntarily giving up parental rights, or not voluntarily. I have seen (down the road) great outcomes and not so great outcomes, it all depends on the people involved and doing what is in the truly best interest of the child. I would suggest you talk with a counselor/therapist, if this is the situation you are in because each person has their own situation and ways to deal with them. You could also call an adoption agency for help with this counseling. I commend anyone who even considers adoption as an alternative; because it takes the strongest and most loving type of parent to be totally selfless and let their child go in order for them to have the opportunity to bring love and joy (and receive it too) to someone else's home, who is ready to be parent(s).

Answer 20

yes i gave a child up when i was 21 years old. there were many reasons that i did it. i was 21, the childs father was a no good abusive bum, the list of reasons goes on and on. my adoption was really a very good situation for me personally, i was able to do a family adoption i had relatives on an adoption waiting list, but i will stress that even though it was a family adoption it didnt make it any easier and it does not give you any more rights then if you choose someone you do not know. but my family has been able to watch this child grow up and my parents are still grandma and grandpa. i have never regretted giving him the life i did, he wants for nothing and at 21 years old i didnt know if I would ever be able to give him a father and siblings so i did it the only way i knew how. there is one factor of a family adoption that people need to really think through: the relatives that are taking your child are the parents and you must not interfere in the way the child is raised you have to sit back and not tell them how to do their jobs as parents and that is exceptionally hard especially as i get older and see what i would do differently. and although i dont regret giving him this life, 14 years later i look at him and i think i could have done it. im married now with a beautiful baby girl but in my heart i did right by him.

Answer 21

Yes, I have given a child up for adoption and it was the best choice I've ever made.  I was 18 and completely unable to care for her, so I chose a loving family that I knew could take care of her in ways I never could.  I didn't "give her up".  I have her with me everyday.  And even though it was hard, I have the comfort of knowing that life won't be as hard for her because of the decision that I made.  Now I'm married and have a daughter of my own, and I can really appreciate the gift I was able to give