Has anyone ever put their baby up for adoption who have an older child?

Question

How did you explain it to the older child? Was this a right after birth decision?

Answer 1

Nooooo! PLEASE DONT DO IT! please dont put ur baby up for adoption. A baby is a gift from God. A life. just pray. And dont ask other ppl what u should already know.

Answer 2

y would u want to do that, your other child might want a younger sibling. if ur worried about having 2 kids, dont. it will be fine

Answer 3

I love how these people on here waffle about this stuff.  They will crucify you for even thinking about abortions but OMG Don't give your baby up for adoption either.  

You do whatever you feel is best for you.   I have never done this but my Father-In-Law did.  My husband has 3 half siblings that were small after we got married.   Like 12, 10, and 8.   He put them up for adoption without even telling us.   (We had very little contact with the whole family)  We finally found out when the 10 yr old was about 16 (I guess?)   When the middle one was 18 he contacted us and established a relationship.  It has turned out as well as can be expected with they type of FIL  that I have.   :)   GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 4

The best way to explain this to a child is to be honest but not overload with information.

I love this baby and want the very best for him/her.  I cannot take care of a baby right now because (finances, emotional, illness, whatever the general reason).  But he/she will be OK, because I am asking another couple who is able to care for a child to adopt him/her.  They want a baby very much, and will love the baby and raise him/er.  But we will always love him/her, too.  And we will always know how he/she is doing because we will always get photos and letters (and meet the adoptive parents, if that is your plan).

Straight forward and to the point.  Of course, if this baby was conceived through rape, or has a birth father who is violent, or the baby is very ill, you will need to retain some of what you say.  Little children do not need all the details of an adult decision.  The info that will explain in an honest and open way and will reassure them.  

Good luck -- for whatever reason you wanted this information.

Answer 5

I agree with Houstonian...you should know in your heart what you should do.. Don't ask other people.

Answer 6

An Aunt of mine did that, she had 3 children, and gave birth to one before her youngest was born (sorry, she gave birth to 4 altogether but had 3), but l do know she didn't tell the older two the truth until they were much older (l'm a bit cloudy on the details, we havent' seen her in over 10 years).  l think they reacted quite angrily, that was probably mostly from the shock.  lt did seem a bit strange to me that she would choose to give up one for adoption, then have another child only 2 years later, but l really don't know her reasons.  As far as l know, she planned on adoption all the way through her pregnancy.  Sorry l couldn't be of more help.

Answer 7

Seriously,

if my mother ever put my sister up for adoption, i don't think i'd ever talk to her.

Answer 8

It is hard.  I have a 3 1/2 year old and I just placed her sister for adoption at birth 9 days ago.  It had nothing to do with no wanting her or not loving her, I just knew that I was not emotionally or financially equipped to handle an infant.  I am in the middle of a divorce (father of both kids), I am just barely financially set to take care of me and one child (but I managed to cover most of my medical costs out of my own pocket)...There were a lot of reasons.  I have to keep it simple for my daughter.  I have told her that "sissy lives with a mommy and daddy that could not have babies and that they love her a lot, as much as I love you(older child) but we will always keep a special place for sissy in our hearts."  We are also going to a counselor as well to help her adjust.    But I also remind her that when she is a big girl, she may get to see her sissy again.  The last poster was correct.  Adoption is about the baby.

Answer 9

I did.  I was pregnant in the middle of an awful divorce. Abusive husband, stole my older daughter, hid her for months. I had no home, no money, car got repo'd.  Bad bad time in my life.  Made a choice for the baby.  Not me.  Gave her to my sister for adoption.  Best choice for her.  

People need to remember that adoption is about the baby. Abortion is about the mother.

Answer 10

Don't listen to those holier then thou people up there. I myself have never been in that kind of situation....But you should do whatever you feel is best for you and your family. There are plenty of people that can't have children and would love to have the chance to be parents. I would just be honest with your other child and tell them that you wanted to give another family a chance to have a baby, or something simple that would be easy for them to understand.

Goodluck to you!

Answer 11

how do you think your older child might feel? asking why their younger sibling had to be sent away when they could stay?what would you say when you explain that they were a perfectly healthy baby but you just didnt want it? how do you NOT want to keep a baby? it would break your older child's heart knowing that you just didnt want it, he/she will always know that they could have been given away too if you didnt want them enough either.

Thats a horrible feeling.

Answer 12

I haven't been in that situation, so you will have to take that into consideration when you think about my answer.

I have placed a child for adoption at birth and I can tell you that the effects of placing him for adoption not only affected me and the father of the baby (now my husband) but it also affected my entire family including children we have had since then.  My daughters want to know their older brother, but are unable to because of agreements made at the time of the adoption that I had no idea would be important years later after the fact.  The consequences of placing a child for adoption are gianormous and they effect everyone involved.  I can only imagine that sense of confusion and raw emotion at the loss of a sibling for an older child.

That's not to say that adoption doesn't have a time or place, but being real about the complexity of what results when adoption happens is a good idea.  Good for you for asking this question!