Has anyone found that their b-fathers are way more indifferent than the b mothers?

Question

my mom was so receptive to me when I found her. We have made an effort to build a relationship. I found my father thru info my mom gave me. He was polite and we text back and forth but he seems disinterested in anything further. anyone else encountered this phenomenon?

Answer 1

mine is pretty good about our reunion; he calls more than i do and we talk about once every 6 weeks or so (he now lives in puerto rico).  at the beginning, my bmom was calling/emailing waaaaaaaaay too much and my  bdad took it a bit slower; now, i think we're all at a comfortable level of contact.

Answer 2

LOL! i totally understand. he is not disinterested, just a self proclaimed "man of few words" or "simple man"

he isnt as quiet as he would like to think, but he isnt a big talker.

i struggle with this, i am very vocal, his silence at times drives me mad. it makes me question his feelings for me or how much i am intruding on his life. i never wonder about this with lori, i have her brain and mouth. there is not much we dont get out in the open.

she has talked to him about this, he loves me and wants me around (he has even asked me to move closer to him) but he just doesnt have the social skills to relay this to me in a form i understand. BUT we are only a few months into our reunion, so i think i need to be more patient with him.

he never had childeren after me. in his words, 'i couldnt take care of you when you needed me, so i never had any more'

and he never married. he has spent his life all to himself. it is very diffcult for him to open up and share. he hasnt had to share himself. now here i am, wanting more, asking questions, picking his brain, prying into his and his families past. its not easy for him.

i am quite bold at times, he is mild. it is just overwhelming to him. imagine being alone, answering to no one, living the way you want, when you want. to being a dad and grandfather, literally overnight.

not an easy transition.

i am doing my best to be patient, but i want to know everything-NOW. but it will come with time.

Answer 3

My mother is the cold one - where as my father is the one that has shown me the greatest amount of love and respect.

Perhaps it's because of the way that my mother has acted since my reappearance - that he is trying to do the right thing - I don't know.

It's interesting. I think it can be hard for men to show great emotion about such things - but then again - some men can show great amounts of love.

It takes all kinds - hey.

It sounds like your reunion - in general - is going well??

I hope so.

Answer 4

He probably doesn't know what exactly to say or how to act. He probably loves you but is unable to express it to you. Even though it may have already been a while since you met he may need more time adjusting to the whole situation. Good luck  :)

Answer 5

Well, my father was interested, but he didn't want to introduce me to his mother, brother, or girlfriend.  I wasn't interested in going BACK into the closet and doing the lying and secrets thing.

He died about 2 years ago, and the way I look at it, it was his loss.  He told me he regretted not marring my mother, and that he had loved her.  He could have had a family in the 60s when I was born, or a grown daughter in the 80s when I found them.

He died too spineless to do either.

Answer 6

my natural dad has some growing up to do of his own, definitely. I don't think he's disinterested in me, its just he's irresponsible and still very much like a child in a mans body. He's polite and we text as well, and our conversations are great, I have to initiate everything most of the time. As well as remind him of the birthdays of my siblings ( his "kept" children )

I wanted to add in here, that although our dads are unreliable, people come in all different shapes and kinds and I don't think its specific to fathers who've surrendered children to adoption. I think some dads just suck sometimes, as do some moms and some other family etc. adoption related or not.

Answer 7

My natural father was the one looking for me.  He took me in his arms as if those 35 years had never passed, and we've had a wonderful relationship since.  That was in 2001.  We hadn't seen each other since I was a year old.  The whole family had been wanting to find me.  Recently I asked him if he loved me as much as he would have had he finished raising me himself.  He, without hesitation, said, "Oh, yes, and maybe even more."  

My natural mom had passed away just 7 months before I located her, but her dad is still living and we have a good relationship.  She had two other children after me.  He had no idea where they were, either.  

Well, it turned out that she drove my brother and sister from California to Texas to visit an acquaintance.  A couple days into the trip, she walked out the door and never came back.  My sister told me about this when we connected 6 months ago.  She said she was 5 and she remembers the last conversation they ever had.  

So, although I never reconnected with my natural mother, it's pretty clear that she had a lot of problems that made her not "mom" material.  It's amazing to me that my siblings and I, who all had three different fathers, managed to connect at all.

ETA:

Gershom makes a good point about some parents just not being so great.  My adoptive father was abusive to my adoptive mother, brother and me.  In fact, he was never very nice to too many people at all.  So, you just never know about what your parents will be like.