Has anyone had to deal with the loss of their parents, while planning your wedding?

Question

I just got engaged to be married and it's been bittersweet for me.

I'm really feeling the loss of my dad much more than my mom at this time. He would of be really thrilled for me and now I just feel so alone without his love and support. My new family has been nothing but loving and completely supportive, but it's just not the same.

Any advise is very appreciated and thanks.

Answer 1

Congratulations on your engagement. Your parents obviously raised a lovely person with the capacity to truly love, and in you they WILL be there on your wedding day.

Answer 2

My father also passed away.  I'm very sorry for your loss and honestly there isn't much I can say to help you.  This is just part of the grieving process.  If you want too, I think it would be fine to put the wedding planning on hold just to give you time.  Are you in any grief counseling? You should consider therapy and possibly consider speaking a physician about an anti-depressant.  A lot of people are against them but they can really help.  They did wonders for me when I lost my father.  

Answer 3

So sorry hun.  My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I became engaged.  He was given 6 months to 2 years at that point.  He really started going downhill during the last several days before the wedding.  The last photos I have of him were at the rehearsal dinner.  He became really sick and couldn't walk me down the aisle.  He passed away 6 weeks after my wedding before we even got our photos back from the photographer.  This was last September (2007).  He only made it through 5 1/2 months. It was a very hard time for me as like almost every little girl grows up waiting for the day that her daddy will walk her down the aisle.  It was the happiest yet saddest year of my life.

I really miss him terribly and even now being pregnant knowing that this little one will never know how wonderful his/her grandfather was.  

Remember and cherish the memories that you have and take in all the love you can get from the ones around you that love and care for you.  Your parents are there with you.  I believe this completely, because I know when I ask for my father's guidance and support..he gives it to me.

Congratulations and Best Wishes!

Answer 4

I'm sorry for your loss.  Both of my parents and both of my husband's parents passed away before our wedding.  We knew all four of them would have been very happy for us, which helped.  We didn't want to have any sad memorial at the wedding, but we did want to acknowledge our parents.  Some people suggest an empty place setting, or a rose on a seat to remember deceased loved ones, but that's very sad and looking backwards on what should be a happy occasion focused on the future. Instead, we had a few smaller, but meaningful, remembrances. My two brothers walked me up the aisle.  One of my new brothers-in-law gave a toast, briefly mentioning our parents and how their love had shaped each of us.  We put our parents' wedding pictures at the seating-card table (it felt like they were welcoming the guests), and I wore my mother's engagement ring on my right hand.  Those few small and subtle things brought them into the wedding for us, without it being sad for either us or our guests.

Answer 5

My sincerest condolences & congratulations...

Answer 6

I'm so sorry for your lost. My mother passed 3mons before I got married. WE didn't have a wedding so, I can only imagine that It most hard it must be for you. I will keep you in my thought and prayers.  

Answer 7

I'm sorry for the loss of your father. What your feeling is part of your healing, that may seen strange to you right now. I too lost a parent in 2000. Think about what your father would want for you. He wants you to be happy! Honor him with that. Have some special flowers at your wedding for him. Honor him with a certain verse or poem. Everything won't be as you would want it, but take your wedding day and all of the days that will follow and celebrate the joy of life that he gave you. Best Wishes. :-)

Answer 8

I can empathize...

My mom passed away 12 years ago this November. Our wedding day is actually on the date that her funeral had been on.

I had been okay about it for years, or at least was able to talk about it without crying anymore, but the wedding has definitely brought up fresh pain. I hate to think that my mom never met the man I am marrying and won't be here to take part in this special time. This is also a time where I am making the transition into becoming a real woman, yet I don't have anyone to guide me through it.

My mother-in-law-to-be is great, and so are my other in-laws and my remaining family, but you're right, it's just not the same.

Find a way to include your father's memory in your wedding day. I am going to tuck a strip of my mother's wedding dress into my dress to remind me that she is there in spirit. Maybe you could do the same with a piece of your father's old tie or hankerchief. It doesn't matter what it is, so long as you have a physical reminder of him with you.

Also, take time before the wedding to go out to your dad's gravesite and just cry, vent, pray, whatever-do what you need to do to release some of the pain. You might even take your fiance with you. I am planning on doing this closer to the wedding day...I feel like I need to make peace with the fact that they won't be there in order for me to fully enjoy my day.

Anyway, know that your father is watching over you and is proud of you and supporting you, even though he isn't here physically. By the way, it is okay to feel the loss. The time between now and the wedding is an emotional time for all sorts of reasons, including this one. It's okay to cry, grieve, laugh, celebrate, and everything in between. Good luck and God bless...

Answer 9

I lost my father 6 years before my wedding.  But can speak from experience that you never forget them and miss them.  When I was up at the alter, I knew he was with us, not in physical but spirit.

When I was growing up, he used to love watching those spanish channels(we are not spanish btw) and would laugh hysterically when they had a wedding and something caught on fire.  I new my father was at my wedding reception when a centerpiece caught on fire.  I still have it, almost a year later.  I know he was there that day, and that's how he told me.  As weird as that sounds.

Answer 10

No thank God I haven't but not to worry, we'll all get you through this without any problems. I 'm already on the job girl.

♥ you much.

Answer 11

I am really sorry to hear that your dad has passed away. There are truely no adequate enough words to ease your pain, especially during what should be an exciting and fun time planning your wedding, but please know there are people that are here for you if you need support.

I lost my mom when I was 16 years old, and she was the only parent I ever had. There were days when I couldn't stop crying, and others when I couldn't stop laughing. Many emotions ran through me at any given time, and that is ok. No one can tell you how to greive or for how long. You do it in your own way.

At the time I got married, she had been gone for 5 years. She had the most amazing voice and would have wanted her to sing at my wedding. Since she was not there, I did not have anyone sing at all. I wore her wedding set on my right hand, and when they announced us as hubby and wife, I took a rose from my bouquet and placed it in the spot where she would have sat.

Memories and pictures may be painful, but in time, they will be what comfort you and keeps his smile and love alive, and no one can take that away from you.

In the mean time, don't be afraid to lean on those around you for support and love at this time (friends, family, etc.). There is comfort in numbers, especially those who knew and loved your dad...they love and miss him also. Counseling also helps if you find one that fits you and your needs. There are also books out there that help deal with losing loved ones. One that helped me a lot was called "Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss" by Hope Edelman.

http://www.amazon.com/Motherless-Daughte...

In time, the pain does ease, but never fully goes away. It's been 18 1/2 years since my mom passed away (I've officially lived more years of my life without her than with her). There are still times when I think of my mom and smile, and others when I think of her and feel like it was just yesterday when we lost her. You just need to take it one day at a time.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

*** Lao Tse ***

My thoughts are with you and yours at this time,

Take care and wishing you all the best on your special day.