Has anyone had to keep there adopted child away from bio family during transition to your home?

Question

my new son will be moving in with us in the next week and it was said that he should stay away from his aunt who has cared for him until the transition is completed. Has anyone had to do this ? how long did it take? did you let the child go back to there house visits? I want him to have as smooth a transition as possible. Its about him not me, this is an open adoption. People with experience only please..

Answer 1

I don't see any reason to keep him from those he knows and loves completely.

Answer 2

Awe thats just sad.

Why can't she be a part of that? I if were the kid I would want to know that as many people as possible love me. I would not keep her away.

Answer 3

As an adoptive parent, I feel this is just wrong.

I'm in the position now of practically begging my daughter's biological family to have contact with her.  

I really can't see the benefit of this.  The only (misguided) rational I can see is that they want him to 'get over' his aunt.  I would certainly ask whoever told you this why they think it should be done that way.  If they can't give you a reason other than "it will just make it easier", trust your instinct.

Answer 4

Yes, though not exactly. My adoptive child stayed with a foster family for nearly a year. His foster family wanted to--of course--see him from time to time. We were advised by CPS that he not visit with them for @ a month....and afterwards, that he should visit them in a place other than their home (where he lived). CPS feels that returning back to the home would cause confusion....and initial contact with the foster family would also be confusing. We waited almost 1 month, then took our child to a local park to visit with his former foster family. He is rather young, and seemed to recognize them, but not as his mommy and daddy....which is what the agency was trying to accomplish. We stayed in regular contact with them for the entire month prior to the visit, and he 'talked' to them on the phone several times. CPS has stated that 'eventually' he can go back to their home for visits, but that in the mean time he needs to visit them away from the home. I would absolutely not keep your child from his aunt....just give it a couple of weeks--talk to her often--and visit her at your home or in a neutral location.

Answer 5

I sort of have the same experience. During my kids transition period, they were not allowed to see their foster family. After about 3 months when they were settled in, we began visiting their foster family again. It was explained to me that children can only actively attach with one person at a time, and to be honest I have actually experienced this in my own home. When one child was attaching with me, they did not not actively bond with my husband and vice versa. It worked out in the end, but I had to tell them that their foster family still loved them and cared for them a great deal, and were giving us a chance to learn to love each other.

Answer 6

dont keep a child from those family member he has love for ..he will resent you ..My adoptive mom kept me from my reletive and I hate her for it till this day and she has been dead 20 yrs ...I will never forgive her. Thats emotional abuse

Answer 7

I simply think that whoever is advising this is just wrong.  Experienced social workers CAN be wrong.  Much research shows that a gradual transition is best.  So, you would start out visiting his home at his aunt's with his aunt there, then aunt would do some visits with him at your home, then he would do some visits alone, then he would spend a night, then a weekend, and finally there would be the move.  At no point would contact with his aunt EVER have to stop if it is a safe relationship.  I do understand you aren't trying to cut off contact forever, and that's wonderful, but I think he will really NEED his aunt to help him with the transition and it will be putting unneeded stress on him to take that away from him.  

My situation with my daughter was different in that she was a baby and it was an international adoption.  But, she was given to our care with NO transition.  She had never met us, and all of a sudden was handed over to us and never saw again the foster family who had cared for her her first 9 months.  It was soooooooooooo hard and traumatic for her.  God, how I wish she could have had a gradual transition and could still be in contact with them.