Has anyone heard how many people say in one breath, "oh, l could never love an adopted child like a biological

Question

child", and say about the bond between flesh and blood, then in the next breath say that they could never foster (for example), because they'd get too attached? l'm not having a go or anything! l just thought that's a bit weird, one minute you say you couldn't bond to a child that's not your flesh and blood, the next you say you would bond too much to let them go! Do you think that's just an excuse for not wanting to foster a child (not that l'm saying everyone should, lol)?

Answer 1

Not every woman loves and yearns for kids. I wanted my tubes tied at 15 or 16, got preganat early, then had 2 more. I still want my tubes tied, but doctors dont listen to what I want, just what they don't want, eg. lawsuit, no more income from me ruining my body with having kids every year or so. I love MY kids, I don't really want anyone elses. I can barely tolerate others kids. I wouldn't adopt, I have no reason to. I'm fertile, and I don't want more biologicial or not. I'm 27 and as done with diapers as I am with puppies. An older child I could do, One with lesser problems, and they'd have to be soft-spoken and easy-going. No monsters.

Answer 2

They are making excuses not to do either one. It is sad but there are people who are selfish and fear what they will lose for the sake of an innocent child. In doing so, they miss that which the gain by doing it.

Answer 3

You can chalk a lot of that up to fear.  An adoptive child grows in your heart not your stomach.  Flesh and blood or not you still love them the same.  They shouldn't foster because they don't know how to give them the love they need.  Yes, you do become attached to foster kids maybe not all but, most you can't treat them any different then if they were your own.

Answer 4

I think that it is an excuse maybe they don't love themself's. So how could they love any body else. For myself I  could fall in love with a dog or cat and when they die or get lost I suffer. So why would it be hard to love a child that is not your blood, I think that if you can't love a child that is not your blood you must have issues. Like a grandparent loves their grandchildren and they are not of the same blood they have half and half. Also it's a stupid comment because some parent's have kids that are their blood and they don't love them so what's with that. God help these people What about loving your spouse they are not the same blood.

Answer 5

Both statements are indicative of a person who wants to distance himself from both situations.

Some parents are able to love only if the object of their love is a part of them, from them.  These are usually pretty egocentric people, who may also be a bit controlling.  

No problem -- more little ones available for the rest of us to foster or adopt!

Answer 6

i reckon so.....they probably haven't thought about what they're saying to much both comments are probably just as true even though they contradict it is different looking after a child that isn't your own...but if they did it would be two sides of the same coin..."reasons for not fostering...they're not yours and you would become attached it would be hard" is probably going through they're heads.....people who really want to foster already know what they think about the situation and except these problems don't they.....people can be pretty confusing though....however in they're defense i don't think i could do it,lol :)

Answer 7

I think either way the bottom line is they couldn't deal with a child not of their own blood..whether it be loving them too much or not enough. I've heard that too often as well..

Answer 8

It is messed up, but I think people don't put them in the same category. Like you love your friends and you love your family. It's all love, but a different kind of love. Not being able to foster an animal isn't as deep as the kind of love you talk about when you think of children. At least that's my opinion anyway. Know what I mean?

Answer 9

my husband and i have been talking about adopting recently and everyone in our families are  telling us it wont fill the void that we have of not being able to have our own. I dont think itll matter just looking into there eyes and knowing they are mine regardless where there dna came from. I dont think its an excuse i think if people dont want to adopt or foster care they shouldnt . Kids have enough complexes now they dont need to think an adult dont want them or need them.

Answer 10

My boss said that (the first part) once when there were a bunch of us in a group. She had forgotten momentarily that my son was adopted and immediately clammed up and gave me a sympathetic look. Why the heck was she feeling sorry for me? I have never given birth, but I can't imagine loving a child any more than I love my son. Hey, maybe there *are* people out there who aren't emotionally capable of loving an adopted child as much as a biological one. If that's true, as in the case of my boss, then I am glad they have biological children and leave adoption to those of us whose hearts are open to loving ANY child, regardless of parentage.

Answer 11

I agree that not everyone is cut out to foster and/or adopt.  I also agree that these statements sound like they directly conflict each other.

But until a person has seriously considered or actually experienced the feelings of fostering and/or adopting, it's all just speculation.  

I wonder if such a person might mean that they are afraid of their own inadequacies in being able to love a child not biologically their own.  And also mean that they are fearful of their ability to love a child (in foster care) enough to let them go.

Both statements have in common a very selfish motive:  that a person chooses to love conditionally and is looking only for what they can get out of the relationship.

Answer 12

i  can understand that there is a bond with a biological child  i have 3 of my own   but if you have love in your heart it should not be a  big deal to  love someone esle child  has your own that"s how i feel about it  there are so many kids in this world   who need to be loved  .

Answer 13

I'm only 18 but I went through the whole adoption thing and then went into foster care and I always said that "phrase" until I had my son at 16 and put him up for open-adoption.I saw her with my son and she just loves him so much.but I just couldn't see how people could adopt children who wasn't there own family but nowadays and with the things I hear on the news and the things I've seen in real life,a lot of children need families and homes, and seeing my son go up for adoption what happens if there was nobody to take him he'd be in foster care,so to all those who want to adopt,thank you for being there for those children

Answer 14

We have one biological child and one adopted child.  We love them both entirely equally in every way.

Answer 15

l think it's just an excuse.  l know the people you mean, they are basically saying that they can only love a child for their own selfish reasons-he has my eyes, your hair, etc, and if a child doesn't look/act like them, doesn't carry their dna, then that child isn't theirs.  That's fine in itslf, people can choose to have kids any way they want, but they shouldn't be acting all holier than thou because other people have a greater capacity for unconditional love than they do.

Answer 16

i think it is  just one of those flisy excuses for not adopted child.i think the individual who says that is just being unkind because adopting these children bring joy to tho adoption officails and would make these children happy and they would know some individuals have kind hearts and they would be quite grateful.