Has anyone known a DV abuser who changed their ways?

Question

How did they do it? What caused them to change from being an abuser ? What works for these people ?

Answer 1

I've noticed generally speaking that someone has to really want to change, and have the courage and humility to not just recognize they have a problem, but actually be willing to openly admit it to others.  

That's really hard, and often times people have to "hit rock bottom" before they can really begin to climb back up.  After a fashion, they have to suffer, they have to be punished and not be allowed to win any petty battles they manage to construct to avoid them "being wrong".  

Intervention could be helpful, but you had better be prepared for a fight, because they are going to try to turn everything around on how they are not "the one with the problem".  I had to deal with such a battle, a few days ago, and you absolutely cannot "let them win" or let them "be right".  But mine wasn't a DV situation, and yeah it is a responsibility for your actions issue.  Eophan is right, it's a responsibility for your actions thing, and the hard part is even if they know they are in the wrong, and that they have a problem people will often fight like their lives depended on it to avoid having to come out and admit it.  

Can they be treated, yes, but frankly if this is just domestic violence, I argue that may be a symptom of an underlaying issue.  So what is going to have to be done may be best supported with drug therapies.  And of course, whatever is going on with them will never really be completely gone, but they are fully capable of pulling themselves together.

Answer 2

I've never heard of one, no. I don't think those with violent, sociopath-like tendencies are able to change - nor do they want to.

I gave everyone a thumbs up...

Answer 3

Counseling helps. Always dear.

Answer 4

No, I haven't known any who have "reformed." Perhaps if the person is an alcoholic and manages to successfully dry out, he might have a chance of changing his behavior. But I don't think it's common.

Answer 5

it takes an awful lot of courage for one of these people to switch off the denial and look at themselves as how they really are.

a borderline sociopath with a conscience can change but a true sociopath has no desire to.

I'm sure different approaches work for different people but when you are dealing with personality disorders where is no real cure or quick fix. how many domineering people have you seen change?

becoming self aware and taking responsibility for their actions would be a good first step.

i have seen one person with a desire to stop being aggressive and controlling, it is something he deals with all the time. a string of disasters and horror stories are what motivated him to take stock. he lost his girlfriend and we ended up beating the h**l out of each other after i intervened in one of his domestics. this was a bit of a turning point for him.

I know a family and the daughter, mother and grandmother all have this problem, they know it but it goes on and on, when it is a woman behaving like this there are few consequences and their methods are more subtle and leave less evidence so there is little motivation for a female abuser to try to improve themselves.

@ Tracey, "Perhaps if the person is an alcoholic and manages to successfully dry out, he might have a chance of changing his behavior. But I don't think it's common"

nice sexist comment. well done.

thumbs down for not pretending that only men commit dv, why not just report me?

Answer 6

It's always best just to get away from her.

If she's physically abusive and out of control , just dump her and find a new girl, if she stalks you you may have to get a restraining order or even move.

Answer 7

I know of one man who was falsely accused of the most vile allegations of DV such as allegedly punching his partner in the stomach while pregnant and being accused of raping her shortly after giving birth.

The judge's found him guilty as h**l. He never saw his children for 3 years.

After a long and futile legal battle where the man lost absolutely and was condemned as a violent abuser his ex came back and said she was sorry for lying. Now he gets to see his children when he wants. She asked for maintenance and he agreed as long as she would go back to court to admit she had lied. Now he has shared residence of the children.

Of course during these proceeding his obvious anger at the injustice that was heaped upon him became apparent and was used against him.

Answer 8

Sorry I didnt know a domestic violence abuser in the first place. Maybe you should change man if that happens often to you, you should change your ways.