Has anyone met their birth family and been glad that they were adopted?

Question

I understand there are some people in the adoption section who feel they lost a great deal in being adopted. But is there anyone who after meeting their birth family were really grateful they had been raised by someone else?

Answer 1

I am NOT adopted BUT I have sister that were adopted out when my mother was a teenager and had children and I was happy that they had been adopted out... I love them and all but growing up in my family and seeing how they had spent there childhood and the way they grew up, they faired WAY better then they would have had my mother kept them..

Answer 2

im not adopted but i can imagine if i were adopted and my real parents were crappy... id be like oh thank god i was adopted.

Answer 3

Yep, Im totally glad that I was adopted.  My birth siblings were sexually, emotionally and physically abused.  They have grown up to abuse their own children, sexually, emotionally and physically.  They all have drug and alchol problems.  The only good thing my grandmother (the ***** queen) ever did for me was make my mother give me up.

*LOL*...............

thats interesting, thumbs down for expressing how I feel about MY OWN LIFE! The person who asked the question asked how I felt about my adoption.  I didnt think that required an opinion from all the anti adoption types.  Im sorry you had a rough time but Im entitled to my own experience.  I flat out refuse to pretend that Id have been better off being abused.

Answer 4

I knew my birth family since i was adopted. They are all poor and on drugs. If I would of stayed with them I would of ended up worthless. I am happy to be adopted and love MOM with my heart.

Answer 5

Okay, up to the very moment I read the other responses, I would have said, yes, I am thankful that my birth mother didn't keep me.

But the truth is, that even though my afamily are wonderful people with very deep pockets, I feel that my birth mother would have given me so much more!

Yes, she has made her mistakes througout her life, but come on, who hasn't?  Yes, she was not, is not, and probably never will have the bank account to match my afamily, but that is not what it takes to raise a child.  Since we have been reunited 13 years ago, we have developed a relationship that most mother-daughters would envy if they had been in touch their whole lives!

So, no, I would have to say definitely NO!  I am not happy that I was given up for adoption, I think had My bmom kept me, we would have survived all of the hardship just fine!

Answer 6

It would depend. I've read all the comments on here and there is one thing that rings true. No child can chose who they are are born to or who they are raised by. It is sick and disturbing to hear of the abuse that any child suffers at the hands of a parent whether biological or adopted. I feel like one of the lucky ones because my parents are wonderful and I met my bio-mom and she is great, though she is more a sister type then mother. My bio-dad was a different story though but whatever I already have a dad. So I guess to get to the point yes I am grateful. I just wish everyone was as fortunate.

Answer 7

oh yes, i feel that way, but not because of what lori turned out to be, because her family is sick. and she was a teenager so i would have been raised with them.

lori and i have a great relationship. i love her and do wish i had found her earlier, but to grow up in the shambles she had to call 'home' would have destroyed me. it almost did her.

i am so grateful she had the sense to see what would have happened to me, in my case, adoption was the best answer.

Answer 8

i met mine.  absolute asses.

still not glad i was adopted.

Answer 9

The only good people I had in my life was my parents until they were gone.

Then I wondered threw life alone parents after foster parents after parents after parents  parents after parents after parents after parents  parents after parents after parents after parents....

Until I met my better half.

All three sets of adopted parents I had gave me back.

Answer 10

I don't see where this is relevant to the reality of loss.  Whether one's natural parents would have been good parents or not does not negate the fact that an actual loss occurred.  

No, I am not glad that a loss occurred.  In order to be adopted, that loss had to occur.  I am happy that my adoptive mom raised me, but that's a separate issue.  It's just not as simple as the question suggests.

Answer 11

My brother met his bio family (I haven't)  and they were nightmares.  He came from the reunion in his words "wanting to fall on his knees in thanks"  for being given our parents to raise him.  

Please don't judge this. I know this isn't the case for everyone but this is how he feels.  He does not feel loss only gain and these feelings were increased after his reunion.  It is a very relevant question for many adoptees.

Answer 12

I'm not adopted but have met my sister who was adopted out.  And I am glad I did, she's a nice gal, only works too much so I've only seen her once in 5 years.  I never had the slightest idea I had a sis til then, she didn't either.

Answer 13

my sister in law was adopted and when she met her birth father he was very unstable doing drugs, drinking, and acting completely cracked out, she has a lot of problems as it is, i cannot imagine what it would be like for her to have been raised by him...

Answer 14

Oh yes, I am very glad to have my parents and to have been raised by them. That does not mean I don't love my bmom - I do, we are happily reunited, and she is now part of my family. But I would not have wanted to grow up with her, and she agrees.

Answer 15

I'm not adopted, but I have a friend who is.

When Sue was about 30, she met her birthmom.  Things went real smooth for about a year until she asked her birthmom why she decided to choose adoption for her rather than abort her.

The answer:  Because abortion wasn't legal yet.

WOW -- talk about a shocker! Relationship was never the same.  Kind of tough for her to hear.

Answer 16

Hmmm, let's see, I was raised by uneducated, poor, and abusive adopters in a bad marriage.

My real family are wealthy (I would have had so many opportunities I didn't get as a child), educated, funny, close, and generous.

I was doubly f@cked.  Bitter?  You betcha.

Answer 17

My bfamily would not have been a good place for me to be as a child.  There were lots of really bad things going on in that family, and I am so glad I missed them.  I can never really know, but I really think I would have become one of those kids that kills their parents.  Yep, that bad.

I only had contact with my bdad, still married to bmom...but he quit our contact after about 6 months when I contacted my bsibling.  I don't miss him a bit.  I am glad that he is out of my life for the second time.

Answer 18

Heck Yes!  I met my bio dad and frankly, find him rather annoying.  My bio mom had me when she was a teen, and they eventually went thier own ways...she does not want to meet me, which is fine.  My adoptive parents are great and gave me the life I would have never had!

Answer 19

h**l ya.

Answer 20

I was left by my bio. mother.  My bio father was in jail when I was born, so I was adopted by another man my bio mom was with.  Long, long story short, I ended up being raised in foster care.  I met many horrible people, but I found one good family at the end.  Up to those people, I saw no need in family.  I finally met my bio. dad, and we had a great relationship; however, if I had been raised with him I would have not been the person I am today.  I am strong, and it takes a mighty wind to rustle my leaves.  Each and everyday built the character, and morality that I stand by.  I would say, yes I am glad I was adopted.

Answer 21

After I met my bmom, I was soooooo happy that she gave me up. She's an alcoholic, drug abuser, on and off homeless. She's been arrested for prostitution to feed her drug habit. She's been arrested for sleeping on park benches. She has been living off of government checks because a friend of hers showed her how to "cheat" the system. She doesn't have a disability but gets a check because the government thinks she does. She did drugs and drank like a fish while she was pregnant with me. The only time she calls me is to ask for money. The list goes on. My bdad was into drugs and alcohol too but not like her! He's dead now though so I'll never know the truth about him. I only have stories that my bmom told me when I met her and she didn't like him to much so she talked a lot of c**p about him. Which I don't agree with because he's not alive to defend himself. So, I'd rather not believe her until I track down my bdads family.

All in all though, I'm super happy I was given up and I love my family to death and wouldn't trade them for the world!

EDIT: Why would someone thumbs down for a true story that doesn't require anyone else's opinion? All these answers are real life not an opinion. I'm sorry you don't agree with the things I , or anyone else on this page, have put up with. But thumbs down? Com'on! Grow up.

Answer 22

This is irrelevant to the problems raised by adult adoptees here.

I love my adoptive parents very much.  That changes very little.

ETA:  Being true is different than being relevant.  Adult adoptees on this board who are advocating for reform do not advocate out of a lack of "gratefulness."  Indeed, the whole notion of being grateful is reprehensible, and I thought we had all moved past it.  

So let's ask...  Are bios grateful that they were raised by their bio families rather than some random other family?  Let's spend all our time on this board discussing that question?  Isn't that "relevant"?

You all keep talking about feelings of loss.  Which means you aren't reading what I'm saying.  I have never talked about a "feeling" of loss.  I've talked about actual loss.

If I stole $5 from Bill Gates, he probably wouldn't notice.  He wouldn't feel anything.  But he clearly lost something.  (No, before you all jump on me, I'm not claiming all adoption is baby theft.  It's analogy.)

All adoptees have lost something.  They might not feel anything in relation to that loss.  But they have lost something.  Why is this so bloody hard for you all to understand?

I'm not here looking for validation of my experiences.  I'm not talking about my experiences.  I'm here talking about adoption itself.  If you can't address the issue, then you clearly aren't interested in a discussion.

Answer 23

i had a friend who was adopted by a rich childless couple. when she found her birth parents they were poor and her father had a drinking problem....im not sure how she felt but i know she has 2  benzes and a home of her own and shes only 23

Answer 24

My n-family has their flaws, sure.  And they may not be as wealthy or live in as nice of a home as the one I grew up in.

But I guess I just don't worship material things or put so much value in the almighty dollar.  To me, what matters is FAMILY...the things you can't buy.  

So no, I'd never say I was glad I was adopted.  Even if I had grown up in a cardboard box under a bridge, at least I'd have had my family.  Some things you just can't put a value on.

Answer 25

Nope.  My first mom is a great person.  No alcohol or drug problems, not a prostitute, has a successful career...she would have made a fine mother.

Sorry, I know everyone likes to think all first moms are crack hoes, but that's not always the case.

Answer 26

Me, me, me!  Those folks did me a real favor by putting me in my adoptive family.  Thank goodness!