Has anyone put their child up for adoption?

Question

Open or closed? How did it work out for you? Why did you do it?

Answer 1

I did.  It was supposed to be semi-open adoption but it has turned out for my son to be a semi-closed adoption.

I can't tell you how it worked out for me because I'm only 11 years past relinquishment.  Right now I'm about 60% okay, and 40% discontent with how everything has passed.

Why did I do it?  Because my choice was because there seemed to be no other choice.  60% my own choosing, 40% exploitation and coersion.

But seriously, I'm in a rather bad funk about sharing my story right now.  Too many have poked the hurt lately.

Answer 2

People may say the can't do it, but what's worse, sentencing a child to a dysfunctional upbringing, or giving it to a wonderful couple to raise?

We have friends that adopted, and they have given these children WONDERFUL lives.

Answer 3

I could never do it, not having witnessed the pain and heartbreak involved

Answer 4

I have, it was about 4 years ago. It was open and still is. I had a falling out with my family (no social support) and the boyfriend I was living with bailed on me when I was 4 months pregnant. My job outlook was grim ( I was working at a dollar store) and I wanted to give my child the best, and that was the best way for me to do that.

It is still emotionally difficult, but looking back, I wouldve made the same decision.  I couldnt have done a closed, too painful for me. They send me pics and letters 3-4 times a year to keep me updated, and I have even been to thier home to visit.

Please, if you dont have an experience to this question why bother saying anything. Its annoying and a waste of time, I dont care if you need 2 points, do it somewhere else!!

Answer 5

If you feel UR baby would be better off, then do it.

Make it so that UR baby can come back & see you if he/she chooses.  

Do what is best for UR baby.  But ya ought to be sure of who you are giving uR baby to, because it isn't nice to give UR baby up for adoption & then deside to take it back.

It really hurts the people who can't have children, to be a yo, yo.  You must concider UR feelings once you have the baby: that should be the determining factor, on weather you will do this or not.

Answer 6

I gave a baby girl up for adoption over 7 years ago.  It's an open adoption.  I receive photos once a year, after her birthday, and anyone can call at any time (although we don't anymore but we did at first).  It's working out great.  I honestly have no regrets.  I love her parents, I chose them, and know that they were meant to have her.  I'm a big believer in fate and know that it's all how it was meant to be.  I "did it" because at the time, I did not want children, I was ending a bad relationship, I knew I needed to go to college and that that would be extremely difficult with a child, and that I'd probably be on every kind of state assistance and still be struggling my *** off.  That's no life for me, or for a child.  I believe abortion is murder, and that was never an option.  When I looked into adoption and found the perfect people, I just knew I was doing something right.  

Hope this helps~

*If you're considering adoption & would like someone to talk to, feel free to email me.

Answer 7

I put a boy up for adoption 21 years ago.  I have never regretted my decision.  It really was the only way to go at the time.  A year later?  I could have kept him, probably.  Timing is everything.  Being an adoptee really did help me come to my decision because my life as an adoptee is wonderful.  My parents are the best ever and my family has blessed me in many many ways.  If he chooses to look for me?  I'm here waiting for him.  I'd love to get to know him.

Answer 8

I've never done it and cannot imagine how hard it is. I can tell you that my husband's biological parents did and it worked out so well for him. He knows nothing about his biological family but his adopted family has been supportive, loving and raised him to a very happy and well adjusted man and he agrees now at 40 that it may have been hard but it was the right thing to do.

Answer 9

I put my daughter up for adoption in 1972, I wish I hadn't, if I had it to do again, I wouldn't do it. It's a hurt that never heals for everyone concerned. I lived a lie my entire life, I am blessed to be reunited. Being reunited has changed my life for the better. It was a closed adoption.

Answer 10

I had put my daughter up for adoption when she was 3 years old because me and her father was going through some hard times but it was a semi-close adoption and I know who adopted her and I met them and I even been to their house. but they didn't want me to have any contact with her after-wards. she will be 13 in 11 days and to this day I regret giving her up. This isn't our only child we have 4 other children who are younger then her but to know that we are missing out on her life and she's missing out of her siblings life's. I thought at the time I was doing the right thing for her but I was wrong. I did it because I didn't want her to grow up with a father who was in jail but that was wrong of me because I didn't know better and I believed everyone when they told me that I wouldn't be able to take care of her. and now I'm paying the price everyday for not doing what was right for my daughter. if I keep my daughter I know I would've have given her a better life then the one she has now.

Answer 11

i could never do it.  i am adopted myself and lived a great life but i can imagine how hard it has to be.

Answer 12

Oh boy, I have one of those happy ending stories that some people just cant' stand to hear.

I put my daughter up for adoption in 1972. I was 16, he was 20 and committed to Vietnam. I refused to take her home to be raised in my environment. There was rape and incest in my younger years and I feared for her quality of upbringing.

It was a closed adoption and I spent 28 years wondering if she was being well taken care of. I wondered if we were ever going to meet again. I thought we would but nay sayers told me i was being ridiculous. I refused to name her knowing that it would be harder to find her. That is exactly what I wanted, so she would only have one name and so my family could not find her.

28 years later she found me. We have had a great relationship ever since. She was able to see where her hands and body style come from. Three months ago we found her nfather. It has been heart wrenching but worth it. He and I were very close back then and are again now. Now she knows where her nose comes from. Her and her nfather had an instant love for eachother.

She had great parents who love her immensly and cared for her every need and a lot of her wants. She was slightly spoiled. She has an older sister whom she loves very much. She still considers her adoptive parents her mom and dad. She calls her nfather and I by our first names.



In a conversation about why I did not name her, I told her that if I were to name her I probably would have named her Rachael. Believe it or not she had been using that name for years. He friends told her she didn't look like a +++ and that she looked more like a Rachael and it stuck. How weird is that?

Her and I are very much alike, to the point that it creeps out my grand daughter. My daughter, her nfather and I all feel complete again. It was like having unfinished business for 35 years that has finally been put to rest. He's a great man and I have missed them both.