Has anyone raised an adopted child from another race or culture?

Question

When we were going through the adoption classes, we were shown a video. It was Chinese and African American adoptees who were very resentful about being adopted by Caucasian couples. I’m finding myself very apprehensive now. Has anyone adopted or been adopted outside their race and culture? How do you feel about it?

Answer 1

My 3 children that were adopted are from all different races. One is white, one black and one fairly light bi-racial. I always though about my kids as just that.......my kids. There are also 3 biological kids.

All of my kids had struggles at some point in their lives. The one that is black went through some tough times, early teens, when he resented being in a almost all white family. We just tried not to "rock the boat" and kept reassuring him of our love. He is in college and calls all the time just to say "I love you". LIFE can be tough but good luck.

Answer 2

I don't have any experience with adoption, but i ill say that for every child you saw saying that they were resentful of being adopted by another race, i'm sure there are several more that are quite grateful.  The people you speak of sound to me like ungrateful brats who are just looking for someone to blame their problems on - and of course,  you'll even come across natural children growing up resentful of their parents.

My grandmother had 26 foster children after she raised my mom and uncle and i know that there are not nearly enough qualified or interested black families out there to raise all the unwanted black kids out there...and since there's an even smaller asian population in the US, i'm sure the same goes for them.  Anyone who gets adopted by any loving family should be grateful and consider themselves blessed because there are so many (even babies) who NEVER get adopted - especially if they're black. I find it very commendable that you're even considering this since there are so many who wouldn't. Good Luck and I hope that video didn't discourage you.

EDIT- I just wanted to add that it was wrong of me to call the dis-satisfied minority children ungrateful brats....i've never been in the situation therefore i have no right to judge. What i was trying to say is that if the parents are loving and respectful of the child and their race, the child would be better off with them than in foster care and cross-racial adoption doesn't have to be negative.  Again, sorry to all who i've offended.

Answer 3

I'm sorry i didn't see your question earlier because i just asked a similar question from the other end. I am korean and black and this is how i feel aboutit. i am not resentful that my mother is white and i am mixed. it's just harder for us. it's just a constant reminder that we are adopted. not to mention that even though you may not be prejudice you can't just think about yourself when making this decision. You also have to think about how the rest of your extended family will feel about the child. becaus ewe are mixed with black and a lot of white people just don't like black peole for whatever reason, we end up isolated. do you have any idea how bad it feels to be adopted by a family and then you feel like they don't want you either?

because my mother only sees me as half i end up the the butt of alot of black jokes. I don't feel like i should have to pick one side of me in order to be happy. i am both and don't feel like either half of me should be disrepected. I have had black people come up to me and ask me why i want to be like them. It's not resentment it's hurt because no matter where you go you're not accepted. the family that adopts us really has to be strong and work hard and reminding us of our similarities npt our differences.

We get picked on by black people because we were raised by white people

We are picked on by asians because we aren't pure blood and not only are we not pure blood we're mixed with black which to them is worse

We are picked on by white people because we are black and if you knew how many people just walk up to me and start speaking spanish to me it 's sad. it has become a joke with me and my friends because it happens so much.

Think about these things when you go to adopt a black/asian child. don't think about the resentment that you may recieve. think about the hate that they recieve from the world. We don't have a place. america is so stuck on clasiffication that we can't excape it. are you white are you black are you g*y are you straight are you light skinned or dark skinned. we just get sick of it. it is a job but if you really care then you will take the time to help us through the difficult times that we will have.

Answer 4

We watched what I am certain is the same video after we adopted our daughters.

Our daughters are a different race & from a different culture than us.

I think the resentment kicks in when adoptive parents try to downplay or don't acknowledge the differences.  Most of the folks I heard in the video were resentful that their parents tried to treat them like they were white instead of acknowledging that they would have feelings about being different, they would need to talk about these feelings & they would have a need to have an opportunity to develop a cultural identity that might be different from the adoptive parents' cultural identity.

We get our girls around Latin American folks as often as possible & even seek out relationships with people who come from the same country as their birth country.  We let them know that their birth country is a wonderful place full of really great people & that they should be proud of their heritage.  We are having them re-learn Spanish & are expressing the importance of it.

We acknowledge and celebrate the differences in our family.  The girls have this gorgeous olive skin, dark brown eyes and black hair.  They have the most gorgeous high cheekbones and smiles.  They're truly beautiful people & should be proud of who they are and what they look like.

I think it's important to make sure they know that you realize they look different and will want to talk about it with us as well as develop relationships with people who look like them.

Answer 5

We are caucasion and our daughter is asian. We are fortunate that we have a large community of families with children from china and we try to incorporate whatever we can from her culture into our lives either by reading books that deal with adoption from china, chinese new year, dragon boat races and the moon festival. she will now start a chinese cultural class with mandarin, chinese dance and chinese craft. we also plan on taking her back to china when she is older. we are just open about it.

My husband and I are immigrants ourselves (our biological daughter is the only "true" Canadian), so we also include our homeland culture into our new culture and we are hoping that we will have a nice mixture and see us as humans first before we start talking about races.

How strange that they showed you a video like this, did they also show you one where the kids were praising their parents? Children will always resent their parents for one thing or the other. Just be open about everything try to incorporate what you can and feel comfortable with.

Answer 6

My bf, his brother, and sister were all adopted by caucasian parents. Two are african american and the other is mexican. To be honest, I think all 3 feel very lucky to have been adopted by such great people. I'd rather have an amazing set of parents who aren't the same race as me, than an awful set who are the same. But maybe some African American and Chinese children feel a little embarrassed to have parents not of their race. Either way, they should be thankful they didnt spend their childhood in a shelter, adoption agency, or with parents who couldn't care for them properly. Good luck!

Answer 7

My husband and I are Caucasian and we adopted an African American child. He is 11 yrs old and has been with us since birth. We live in a not particularly diverse suburb although there are more non-white people living here than in some communities. My son has had friends of all races although most are white. Once in a while we get some odd comments but, most of the time there are no issues whatsoever. I am expecting him to go thorugh some identity issues with adolescence because that's what I've heard happens. He goes to a summer camp where there are kids of all races -- I made a special effort to find the place; it wasn;t easy and sometimes I definitely need to specifically search for people or programs that will expose him to people who aren't all white. I am very sensitive to people's prejudices and I just hope I can educate my child and give him what he needs or find people who can. He knows we adore him!!

Answer 8

A good guide for whether or not the adoptive parents are actually up to the challenge of raising children outside of their own race or culture is for them to look objectively at their own lives. Do they already live in a diverse community? Do they already have friends (note the plural!) who are of other races or cultures? Raising a child in a lily-white suburb and then sending them off for a week or two every summer to diversity camp isn't enough. That's not fair to the child.

Answer 9

I am Julia W's Mom who also aswered your question.

First of all I think it silly for your adoption class to show videos of resentful kids. All kids are resentful at some time or another even birth children.You could probably find millions of birth children resentful of all kinds of things. (for example,"I'll never forgive you for raising me Catholic" or "You didn't stay home from work and raise me" or "If you hadn't gotten divorced I wouldn't be so messed up" an on and on) I have a birth child and an adopted child both of different races. Skin color is not important. What is important is giving your child a stable loving home. By the way statistics show adoptive parents are much less likely to get divorced. Always a plus when raising healthy well adjusted children!

Answer 10

My parents that raised me are White and I'm Black and white. My sister is Indian. We don't have any problems. I'm 27 yr old now and I love my parents more than ever. My sister and I have no resentment or feel different in any way from them. Just because I don't look like my Parents Doesn't mean anything. I don't even think about it until I get asked questions about it. And when People ask I just explain it to them. I feel more special than most kid My parents wanted me more than anything and struggled to get me.

Don't be scared Color of your sink won't matter if you give your love.

Answer 11

Jeez... why in the world would you want to do that?  

I imagine that it would turn their world upside down.

It seems somewhat selfish to me.

Answer 12

I feel it is only okay when there is a true NEED for international adoption in a country.  

If a child will grow up in an orphanage if not adopted internationally then yes, it is the right thing to do.  If the child has a large chance of being adopted domestically by people of his/her race and culture, then it is not ethical to bring them into a family so different from them.

If we were to adopt internationally, we would definitely try to maintain some sense of his/her culture so that he/she knows where he/she comes from.  I believe that is important.