Has anyone read the book "Primal Wound"by Nancy Verrier?

Question

What did you think of it?

Answer 1

I related with every single word of it.  I finally realised that there was nothing wrong with me - I'd been working so hard to fit into my adoptive family in every way and couldn't understand why I was so different from them, even though I'd been raised and treated exactly the same as my parents natural born kids - duh!!!!  I didn't come as a blank slate after all; hello!!??

I got that book about 30 years too late but at least now I know there are others who feel like me

Answer 2

Yes, I've read the book - several times. My first read was pretty shattering as I realized what suffering I had caused my son.

Published in 1991, it was 7 years too late for me, but then there were studies published before 1984 which also spoke to the detriment of separating mother and child, and no one told me about those either.

Answer 3

I have...although it was over 5 years ago. It was thought-provoking and, dare I say, somewhat frightening to me. I really ought to read it again. I suspect I would get something new out of it now that my children are getting older.

Answer 4

I read it.  I agreed with the loss of my first mother being very difficult.  And I think the pervading sadness was right on target.  I have never gotten over missing someone.

Its logical to believe that you are completely bonded to the woman who carried you.  I think its one of those things that is irrevocably tied to who you are pyschologically.  Its like the physical part of what made me a person is also a memory in some way.

However, I believe that what happens throughout the child's life on a consistent basis has a much greater affect on their quality of life.  

I think its a good book to read and discuss. But, I came away from the book getting the distinct impression that the author just against adoption.  I still believe adoption can be beneficial to many children.  

I was with my biological mother for over 2 years, in foster care a year, then adopted and returned to foster care some years later.  That was a lot worse to deal with than losing my first mother.  

A different I found very informative and interesting is a book named "Becoming Attached" by Robert Karen PhD.  Its definitely some heavy reading but so worth it if you are interested in bonding issues that may be related to adoption.

Answer 5

I thought it was helpful in understanding the emotions and attitudes of people in the triad.  I'm a relinquishing mother (reunited), so some of her observations were helpful for me; however, my adopted son was just confused when I asked him about any of his "issues."  

So it isn't the be all and end all, as all adoptive situations are different, but I think it's a reasonable place to start understanding and conversation.

Answer 6

This book and Lifton's Journey of the Adopted Self saved my sanity.

Answer 7

I read it quite a few years ago, so details of it are bit fuzzy. But I absolutely believe in the "Primal Wound".

Answer 8

I read it a very long time ago, and at the time felt like it gave me a tool for self-understanding that was previously absent in my life.

I would probably be much more critical of it, if I read it now, but it is a book that makes me ding ding ding

Grateful

for its existence

Answer 9

I have read the book alittle bit. I can understand where she is coming from but i cant fully say i agree with it. I'm a birth mom and i know of other birth mothers like me who have there children in open adoption and can give my opinion. Abortion was never an option for me but i couldnt finically take care of her as well so i did adoption. My was an open one i choose the parents and i still get to see her her adoptive parents want me to be in her life. Everytime i visit her i know that she knows who i am but i also not that i'm not mommy to her her adoptive mother is. When she not feeling good and wants someone to cuddle her it's her she goes to or when she's lonley and needs her mommy its her not me. I'm gald they have the bond that they do it was my biggest fear that she wouldnt but that's clearly not the case. I feel that Aria choose me to carry her but her a parents to raise her i think it was ment to be because she is such a happy baby. Again these are just my opinion and i dont mean to offend anyone here.

Answer 10

I did.  Nancy Verrier was a pioneer and very brave to publish her book back in '91.  She got a lot of flak.  Since then, of course, her theory has been proved - beyond the psychology - even chemically and biologically.  We know so much more now - far beyond what she dared to say.  But I loved reading it when it came out.  It was really validating.  I felt so relieved to know I wasn't an anomaly!

I still recommend it - especially to those who still think switching mothers is a non-event for a baby.

Answer 11

I really appreciated finding and reading it for the first time.

Someone finally was hinting at what I was feeling - and it made me feel validated - for the first time in my life.

AND she is an adoptive parent!!!

I also listened to Nancy in Sydney when she came out promoting her book - amazing.

I think it is also what is done after adoption that shapes how the adoptee handles their life.

If an adoptee ends up with adoptive parents that NEVER admit to the child's initial loss (& try to say that the bio family doesn't matter) - and NEVER validate the adoptees feelings of sadness over such loss - and NEVER allow the child to know their truth and have open contact with bio family if possible - much greater and ongoing harm to the adoptee can be done.