Has anyone read these books? If so, which are your favorites? (see link)?

Question

http://www.emkpress.com/pdffiles/preKbooklist.pdf

Answer 1

I've read a few of these.  I think that some of the children's books only look at one aspect of adoption at a time, which I believe is age appropriate.  Trying to cram the entire adoption experience and all of its subtleties into one child's book may be a bit much to ask!

A Mother for Choco addresses the idea of children that look different from their parents.

Little Miss Spider talks about adoptive parents taking on the nurturing and protective role of parenting.

I haven't read some of the others, but I'll have to check out the suggestions.

Answer 2

The only one I am familiar with from that link is "Tell Me Again About the NIght I Was Born," which I do like. It is simple and sweet. One thing I absolutely think is important about books about adoption is that you read them first before giving them to or reading them to your kids. I have found many books that just have one thing in them that I just don't like -- usually just the way something is phrased. It obviously depends on the age of the kids you are reading to as well. The one book that I always recommend about adoption is called, "Did My First Mother Love Me?" It's written from the perspective of the pregnant birth mother and the decision she makes, loving her unborn baby and knowing/deciding that she will give him/her up for adoption. I've never seen another book for kids that's written this way and it's excellent. Simple, short, with pictures -- really appropriate for any age.

Answer 3

I like "A Mother for Choco".  

Miss Spider is one of the most boring and long winded books I have ever read.  I read to to my kids once.  That was enough for all of us. And have you seen the cartoon?  That evil spider dude is creepy.  Scares my kids and me. Yick.  No thanks.

The Jamie Lee Curtis one is also a little too syrupy for me but I find all of her books annoying.

I can't comment on the rest of them because I haven't read them.  But Choco is nice.

Answer 4

oh man.....these are horrible books.

how about getting real with betty jean lifton.  she's an adoptee and has written at least one kids book.

at least hers are realistic.  this "princess" c**p is just that- c**p.

Answer 5

Hate them all!

I looked at all of these books when we were waiting for our son to be born.  They ALL downplay the importance of the birth/bio/first/original/natural family.  I didn't buy any of them, and I cringe when I see them on friend's bookshelves.

ETA:

There isn't a lot out there that doesn't patronize our kids, or belittle their feelings, or badmouth their parents.

these two are on our shelves:

Did my first mother love me? http://www.amazon.com/Did-My-First-Mothe...

Let's Talk about it: Adoption (Fred Rogers)

http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Talk-About-Ad...

Answer 6

OMG is this really what little adoptees are having crammed down their throats and into their minds?

I haven't read any of them, but it seems that they are all written to make the adoptive parent(s) feel better.

Little Miss Spider- for the just-hatched little Miss Spider never locates her biological mother. (And they all lived happily-ever-after! WTF??? is this about the adoptee or the adoptive parent?)

The Little Green Goose-when all is said and done, the underlying message rises to the surface: love, not biology, is what makes a family belong together. (WTF??? is this about the adoptee or the adoptive parent?)

Tell Me Again about the Night I Was Born-In a significant oversight, little mention is made of the birth parents’ place in the event of a child’s birth. (WTF??? is this about? Oh never mind...)

Horace-And although he does find a brood that resembles him physically, it is not a family that truly loves him. (WTF???)

Yeah, the kid that gets fed this c**p should have nooo problems whatsoever. Ugh!

ETA: I was judging them by the synopsis given on each book. I imagined that the publisher was putting up the thesis to each book. That's what I was going by.

Answer 7

A lot depends on your child's situation. What might be appropriate for a child in an open adoption might be less so for an internationally adopted child. And vice versa.

That said, here is my first take on it. I will try to add more tomorrow if you keep the question open, but it is too late right now for me to think, much less go into the bedroom to look at our books.

We like >A Mother for Choco< very much. They had it at my daughter's preschool and it is a story kids really like. It brings in some adoption and bonding to family and even transracial issues in a way that works for very young children. It doesn't deal at all with loss of first parents, since Choco just magically appears at the beginning of the book needing a mommy (not a daddy, you'll note). I find that kind of disturbing, but kids don't, and no book can deal with everything. You can read this book to a child who isn't even 2 yet and they will like it. And my daughter still loves it at 4. And there's a board book version, too!

I have mixed feelings about the >Telll me Again< book. My daughter does like it, even though it doesn't really apply to our situation. It does it a good job of showing the excitement of the adoptive family, and also how inept they were at first. The pictures are fun, though a little scribbly for younger kids (bolder things work better). The thing I really don't like about it is that it discounts the first mother and first family completely. The only mention is: "Tell me again how you couldn't grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me." That really disturbs me, because it makes it sound like surrogacy or something, as if the first mother grew the baby just in order for her to be adopted. I change or leave out those words when I read it. My daughter does like this book, and picks it out every so often. It is nice for stressing the love in an adoptive family. And it is better than nothing. Buy it used or check it out from the library.

>Over the Moon< I didn't like enough to buy (and I buy a LOT of books, even though as a librarian I can check them out forever also). It seems really superficial and parent centered. Read the School Library Journal review here:

http://www.amazon.com/Over-Moon-Adoption...

One book I simply LOVE is >In My Heart< by Molly Bang

http://www.amazon.com/My-Heart-Molly-Ban...

It isn't >about< adoption. It is about love, and it is the most wonderful book about love that I know, for kids or adults. The family in the book is pretty obviously an adoptive family, because the child is dark skinned and both of the parents and the grandmother are very fair, but that isn't discussed in the book, it is the the subtext. I think it is great to talk about adoption and race also, but it is also wonderful to give a message of love to your child and this book does that. The theme is that when you are away from people you love, you can look inside your heart and still have them with you. And that love inside your heart can brighten the darkest moment and warm the coldest chill. And your heart is big enough to hold everyone you love. In our family when we read it we use that opportunity to talk about our daughter's first family (and second, foster family also) and say that they can still be in her heart and she is in theirs. And the illustrations are simply marvelous -- tons of really cool details. Two and a half and up, maybe even earlier.

Also look for Betty Jean Lifton's >Tell me a real adoption story< http://www.amazon.com/Tell-Me-Real-Adopt...

You would have to buy it used, as sadly it is out of print. It is very straightforward and treats the first mother with respect. It starts off with the mother telling another in a series of adoption fairy tales (really, with a fisherman and his wife, or a king and queen) and the child saying she wants a "real" story. So the mother tells her her own story, including having met the first mother and how maybe they can get in touch with her. It would be perfect for a semi-open adoption, especially if there was hope of more openness. Three and a half or 4 and up.

I second the suggestion for the Mr. Rogers book. It is very even-handed and treats first families with respect. The pictures are dated, but that won't matter to kids. It isn't a story, though, more of a teaching tool. It works well for what it is, but for the littler ones there kind of needs to be a story to hold their interest. My daughter likes this book, but doesn't pick it out that often. But it should be on your shelf for teaching moments. Three and up, I'd say.

Todd Parr has a new book out about adoption >We Belong Together<. http://www.amazon.com/We-Belong-Together...

I was so excited to see this book -- until I read it. I was so very disappointed, as I love Todd Parr usually. The point seems to be that the adopted child was a helpless victim and the adoptive parents are rescuers -- yikes! We did not buy this (and I buy practically everything!) and you should not either. I do like his >It's okay to be different< book VERY much, though, and it should be on every kid's shelf, adopted or not.

Our favorite adoption book (aside from Choco) has been >The Red Blanket< by Eliza Thomas

http://www.amazon.com/Red-Blanket-Eliza-...

Part of the reason for that is that it is a story of adoption from China, so it fits our situation. And definitely part of it is that there is a dog in the family and mentioned prominently in the story (we are big dog people). So your mileage may vary. But what I really like about it is that it treats the baby in the story as a real person with feelings of fear and loss when she is taken from the orphanage by her new adoptive mom. And that has really helped my daughter to know it is okay to feel those feelings. We read this one a lot. Two and a half or 3 and up

Uh oh, I was just going to start on this and now it is 1:30! I might have more later, but that is most of it.

ETA:

There's a new one I forgot to mention that I like quite a bit. It is from EMK press, so I'm surprised it is not on their list. Maybe because they think it isn't Pre-K? My daughter is 4 and she likes it, but it is true that 5-8 might be best.

The book is >Forever Fingerprints: An Amazing Discovery for Adopted Children< by Sherrie Eldrige -- and adult adoptee!!!

http://www.emkpress.com/fingerprint.html

http://www.amazon.com/Forever-Fingerprin...

Because Sherrie Eldridge is an adult adoptee, she understands the issues involved from an adoptee's point of view and this book is great for helping an adopted child tap into and mourn the loss of her first mother and first family. My daughter has cried at this book (a good thing, I think!) and laughed also. I think it is great that this book can help my daughter tap into her losses, and I think the humor helps to actually delve deeper, because it makes experiencing the loss a little safer, emotionally. The premise is that everyone's fingerprints are unique, and that they were formed that way when they were inside their mother's womb, so their fingertips are a connection to their first mother. I think this is a nice approach, though I'm not so sure it is an "amazing discovery." I had hoped it would be a little more "amazing," somehow, but  I'm not sure what I expected. There are a few off notes in this book also: some odd potty humor and also the adoptive mom unbuttons her shirt and wraps it around the girl when they are talking about the first mother -- kind of like she is wanting to pretend she grew in her tummy? But those are by far outweighed by the strengths of the book and the permission it gives to experience sadness and feelings of loss. It would be a kind of strange book for children in an open adoption, mostly it seems intended for international adoption or fully closed (maybe some foster/adoption situations also).