Has anyone seen how Honorary Bridesmaids might work in a wedding?

Question

Here's the story: My fiance and I are planning an October 10, 2009 wedding. I am in a sorority and he is in a fraternity. However, both of us would prefer to keep the wedding party small because if we did more than just family, the number of attendants would just skyrocket (like to 12 apiece).

My question is if anybody has been to a wedding where there were honorary attendants? I was thinking about naming a few that don't have to buy the bridesmaid dress (they would all still be in college or just have graduated so I don't want to force that expense upon them), but they would be allowed to have seats in the front row and be mentioned in the program.

Also, my sister, who will be my maid of honor, will only be 19 when the wedding happens and living at least 6 hours away from me, so these honorary bridesmaids would probably fill the role of actual bridesmaids. Does this make sense? Or should we just reevaluate our wedding party to begin with?

Answer 1

I think that you are making a big deal out of nothing. Honorary bridesmaids? What the?

They are in the party or they aren't. I am fairly certain that they would understand that you can't possibly have every single sister in the wedding without it looking like a three ring circus up at the front of the aisle.

If they are not in the wedding party, I would not expect them to throw you a bridal shower since that gets so expensive. I would just reevaluate your wedding party.

How many are already for sure in the party? How many sisters would be in the party? Imagine trying to make sure that 15 bridesmaids stay organized.

You can always reserve a row behind your parents during the ceremony so that they can see. Though, I think that may be a tad insulting to your family members.

Answer 2

Wow. I am in the exact same situation -- we're even considering the same wedding date as you!

I talked to a few of my friends and asked them how they feel about the fact that my sister is the only honor attendant on my side. Most friends are completely fine with not having to buy the dress and stand in front and are still willing to help out.

I think that you shouldn't expect all of your sorority girls to be throwing you parties, etc, but it makes sense that the friends you are closest to would be willing to go dress-shopping with you or make sure that someone is holding your hand in the moments before you walk down the aisle.

As far as the more expensive things go -- for example, throwing a bachelorette party  -- why don't you just invite everyone over for a potluck or cook something together? Or you could just go out on the town together but you could split the check? If they're really your close friends, they'll get it that you can't pay for them, since you're the bride and have a whole wedding to plan, and they'll understand that it's about together-ness and not being "treated."

As for the shower, which can also be expensive to throw, it might be a good idea to tactfully ask your mom and dad if there's an aunt in the family who might be interested in throwing you a shower or in helping your sister to plan the shower. Often this is the job of a family member anyway, and not the bridesmaids.

Good luck!

Answer 3

That soudns like a very confusing problem. But the obvious answer is, it's your wedding and if that's what you want to do then that's what you should do! What ever you want and will make you happy is how your wedding should be.

Answer 4

I know you are trying to be nice, but that is completely insulting. Either make them your bridesmaids, or just invite them as guests. But to give them a fake title is not cool.

Answer 5

I think "honorary attendant" is sort of a B.S. title, since it carries absolutely no special role in the ceremony or specific duties.  I think you should just scrap the idea of bridesmaids and groomsmen, have just an MOH and BM, and tell anyone who asks that you had far too many friends to choose from and didn't want to leave anyone out.  They'll understand.

Answer 6

You could offer them the honor of reading a passage or poem at the wedding. If any of them are musical perhaps they could play an instrument or sing?

We kept our wedding party small...my husband has a huge family so we had two of his sisters read Bible passages the third sing.

We had another friend accompany her on the piano.

You could ask them if one would be kind enough to make sure the photographer takes the pictures you have requested.

and make sure you thank them publically as well as a note or gift.

good luck.

Answer 7

I have honorary bridesmaids in my wedding next week but they are all my teenage cousins and get a dress! (I got my dresses at Macy's though so they weren't as expensive as they otherwise would have been) in your situation I would recommend giving them all a job so they can be included but not bridesmaids of any sort (then you don't have to provide them with a bridesmaid luncheon or expensive gifts) have them run your ceremony music, hand out birdseed and programs, maby do a reading or sing a song etc. then you can name them in your program and still give them a small token of your appreciation at the rehearsal dinner and reserve the 2nd row for them because once you put parents grandparents in your front row it will be full (I am giving all my helpers personalized soap whereas my bridal party gets jewelry. so they all still get something but it is cost effective for everyone)

Answer 8

I had the same problem im not only a sister (Greek) But i also have a lot of friends and close ones not just buddies.  You have to figure out who are the most special people to you and who are you just wanting to add in because their your sisters or because of guilt.  If it turnes out that you have more than you originally thought you would then either get you HtB to help you narrow or ask them all.  Im sure they know the price of being in a wedding so if they accept dont feel guilty about the cost to them but dont add more than needed either. Once the bridal party is set then set the grooms party after since with the exception of the BM men get as emotional involved in picking their party (fron what ive seen). So if you end up having 12 Brides Maids that are all close to you and want to be  part of your day then so be it. The more help the better. but make sure their dependable cause depending on teh people it can be a little more stressful.  I always thought id have a small party to but as a 4th year student when it cane time to really pick i ended up with 9 including MOH and their all my closest friends. I hope this helps.