Has anyone tried to scam you in your journey to become parents?

Question

I read a question about pregnant women harassed for their babies. I don't know much about that, but it made me wonder about the opposite situation. How many parents have been scammed in some way while reaching out to find a baby or child to be adopted? Are there particular agencies or websites to avoid? What are some of the red flags when someone contacts you about a possible adoption?

Answer 1

If anyone wants to charge you money in the process - you are being scammed. People should not be for sale, and babies and children are people. Profiting on someone's loss of their family is a scam.

Answer 2

most of the "scamming" is done by agencies, facilitators and creeps over the internet.  unfortunately, there is so much demand for infants, that people exploit the emotions of adoptive parents for financial gain.

actually, i do know of a family in ohio ( a friend of my mother's) who spent a S**t load of money to adopt a baby from eastern europe (can't say this it's russia, but it might be.)

they answered an ad posted at the local trader joe's and called to get the process rolling.  according to my mother, the "application/processing fee" was $15,000! then the fees continued. it was $10K for one thing, and $10K for something else. they were even told that they had to pay $15K for the birthmother's prenatal care to ensure the baby's health, since many women can't afford it. this hustle went on for about 6-9 months before they became suspicious. the final blow was when they were told that they'd matched, and had to travel to get the baby.  they were told that they had to 1) pay for the air-line ticket for both of them (only one was going to travel, yet they were told by the facilitator that they both had to come), 2) the baby, and the 3) facilitator. they also had to go through the *travel agent* affiliated with the *adoption facilitator*. that's when they started asking questions and sought some advise from friends.  it was my mother who told them, "you need to call the police.  i think you've been scammed!"

to make a long story shorter, they had lost over $100K on this adoption scam. fortunately, they were able to re-coup some of their expenses through a civil suit (the people were living locally, and the police were able to catch them).

so, that's the only story i know.  all i can say is adoption is a supply and demand, money-game involving human emotion.  and whenever there's profit to be made from human emotion, someone will exploit it; and someone will be exploited.

as an aside, i do have to say that many unfairly think it's pregnant women who change their minds who are the scammers.  trust me, no amount of money given to a pregnant woman can measure up to the organized adoption scams going on involving pseudo-agencies and adoption facilitators.

the red flags, as in this case, would be responding to an unsolicited ad or posting about a baby.  i would also check with the BBB, as many have suggested. and, my suggestion (because i have strong issues with infant adoption, especially the coercion in domestic adoption and "baby stealing" in international adoption) would be to try and adopt from foster care.

speaking of foster care...i can't even comment on the "hot commodity comment, bpd-wife!" wasn't it NJ where the 3 brothers were so malnourished that the oldest weighed 45 lbs. at 17 yo???  yeah, i see where their priorities are. that's just a hot mess...

Answer 3

It has happened both ways.  Dr. Phil had a series of shows surrounding this.  I have heard countless adoptive parents who have been through this.  It has come through adoption agencies and people acting as "natural mothers."  It infuriates that there is no protection for any of us. Texas has its own website on the CPS website.  It shows the violations of adoption agencies.  When I was researching LDS Social Services out of the Dallas area, I found a violation on them.  I don't think too many states have this.  You have to talk with agencies.  I have linked a couple of websites for you to look into good agencies.

Answer 4

Thank you for asking about the rest of us. Every time I ask a question here, the anti-adoption trolls falsely report them and they are deleted.

Always check with BBB, first. I wouldn't recommend either one of the agencies I used. The owners were "baby collectors" and lived like kings. You can email me and I'll tell you the two agencies and what they did in more detail. Needless to say, they both are being investigated by the IRS now, which comes as no shock. I don't think either agency deserves their tax-free status and I pray that Russia won't allow these agencies over there anymore.

Answer 5

NJ Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS)

When my son was born, he was immediately removed from his bio parents' home because of certain situations.  He was placed into Kinship Care with his bio-grandparents.  NJ DYFS told the bio family that they should try to find an adoptive family on their own to proceed with a private adoption since the bio parents had decided not to parent the child and the bio-grandparents did not feel that they could raise a new baby.  NJ DYFS felt that creating a private adoption plan for the child would also be more beneficial because of our son's medical disorder.  

But once the bio family chose us to proceed with a private adoption and we began contacting lawyers, the state "changed their mind" and decided that they were going to "capture" our son into foster care program for the purpose of adoption.  We were told that since our son was a "Caucasian infant", he was considered a "hot commodity" and NJ would not allow him to be adopted privately.  

Fortunately for us, we had a family court judge who sided with the bio family and allowed us to proceed with the adoption.  But because of the problems we had encountered, we chose to do an "identified adoption" thru a local reputable adoption agency.

Answer 6

Always use a reliable agency, and not all agencies are such. You can go to any number of adoption forums and ask if anyone has had experience with such and such an agency. Most of the time you will get a lot of opinion one way or the other. They're great or they're terrible. Often these forums have places for adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, and birthparents to post. I would investigate in all 3 before pickng an agency. (Would you really want to adopt from an agency who treated the woman who gave birth to your adopted child poorly?) I would always go thru an agency unless I was dealing with a family member.