Has anyone who has adopted a baby given the birthmother money to compensate for what she has given you?

Question

It might be illegal but I believe people who really want a child will do what it takes.

Answer 1

If you're considering this, I'd see an attorney about it first. Just outright giving her money is "paying for a child" and I'm pretty sure that's very illegal. But I think it may be legal to pay her living expenses and medical while she's pg, and there may be other ways of compensating her that are legal.

Answer 2

that would be illegal would be like selling the baby, youi are giving her what she needs just by adopting the baby

Answer 3

It could be considered illegal if you give the birth mother money and gifts after the baby is born, because it could look to an outsider that you are "paying" for the baby.  If the birth mother is having a difficult time with paying for food/shelter, etc. prior to giving birth to the baby, you could work it out with your lawyer that the birth mother would be taken care of financially prior to the birth to ensure the health of the baby, but it wouldn't make much sense to do so after the baby is born.  Adoption is very expensive for the parents that are doing the adopting, because of doctor's visits for the child, lawyer's fees, and court paperwork, not to mention necessities like food/formula, clothing, diaper, electricity, and other necessities.  If you adopt and choose to allow the birth mother to still be a part of the baby's life, and you give gifts to her from your family around holiday time, then there isn't anything wrong with that.

Answer 4

I believe that surrogate mothers do receive not only medical expenses but a fee also.  I've never adopted but have been told this by a couple of people who have used surrogates.

Answer 5

I'm an adoptee, but I do have a close friend who placed her son up for open adoption.

The agency she went through didn't allow an exchange more than 50 dollars between PTAs and F-mom until AFTER the adoption was finalized.

So in her case, no.  No money exchanged hands save for a single dinner.

Answer 6

Ethically I think it is problematic.  You cannot put a price on a human life.  

If you are talking about covering bills for hospital stays, prenatal vitamins and prenatal care, post partum follow-up visits, that sort of thing, I can understand that.  But actually giving the birth mother money for the baby itself seems unacceptable to me.

Answer 7

i dont think that is illegal

it is just giving money in exchange for a baby

Answer 8

its illegal to recieve money for your baby ... and i think that is ridiculous ,

the adoption agency and lawyers make 1000's of dollars on every baby ...

why not help the real mother who is probably poor with some cash to maybe get her life headed in a better direction , the people who adopt have money or the lawyers and agencys would not deal with them ...

its a big crock of sh*t and as usual the poor people get screwed over by the rich people

Answer 9

Well if you have an agreement to get their baby when its born you usually compensate their living while they are pregnant.

Usually to ensure the mother is happy, healthy and stress free.

Answer 10

1. why does she deserve to be compensated for giving up a baby?

2. babies arent for sale

Answer 11

no if anything i think the the person who is talking the baby is doing a favor if ur going to pay or a baby dont u think thats a little wrong

Answer 12

in other words pay for a baby on the black market?  NO

Answer 13

I am sure it happens. It is right? No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When people are desperate, they will sometimes, do desperate things.

Answer 14

my adoptive parents gave my birth mother college tuition money. it was a gift though, not compensation.

Answer 15

Are you telling me you think the worth of a baby's soul can be compared to a materialistic value?

Answer 16

I believe those are usually surrogate mother's, like in Baby Mama.  Payment is cool in that case, but usually children up for adoption are being abandoned by their mother, why should she get a reward for that?  That's sad.

Answer 17

i understand and yes its possible.

but if the mother really wants a better

life for her child that she cant give it

she should be paying YOU. i know that

doesnt happen but im just saying it should

be the other way around you know? it

seems kinda sleazy on the mothers part.

but yeah, you should watch "i know who

killed me" with lindsay lohan, the dad does

that for the baby in that movie.

Answer 18

Each state has their own laws regarding this.  But, no state will allow just handing over money.

HOWEVER, there are many states which allow it to happen, as long as it's ONLY what the state allows to be covered, and it's documented, then presented to a judge before the adoption is final.  Typically what is legal are such things as medical expenses, rent/house payment, car payment, utilities, their legal fees, counseling, and anything that is deemed necessary for living.  Some states are stricter than others on what they will allow.

Oh, and they call it living expenses, not compensation, as if that changes anything.

ETA:  In domestic adoption, there are plenty of bmoms who get more than a dime.  I am in no way saying that it makes up for the pain of losing a child to adoption.  But, it's poor research, or simply a lie to claim that bparents don't receive a dime, at least in domestic, non-foster adoptions.

Answer 19

No but I know a guy named Miguel who did.

Answer 20

All types of $$ transactions take place, the illegal kind where the baby is more or less sold, and the kind that are more on the up and up and handled through a legit lawyer. In this case the adoptive parents give the birth mother a monthly sum of $$ to help out with dr.'s bills, rent, food, etc. It's sometimes as much as all of the bills combined, or at least 1/2 of what's needed, esp. if the birthmother has no one to help out like a bf or family. Hope that helps!

Answer 21

Yes, it happens all the time in international adoptions, but usually the adopting parents just write off the $20,000-$70,000 in paperwork without every investigating it. Usually, its not the birth mother that gets a dime, its the person kidnapping the child, the person raping a child and taking/selling the babies, or the woman pretending to be the birth mother, as well as the attorneys and adoption agencies and people forging DNA paperwork.  

It makes me wonder whose more unethical, the people above or the adopting parents turning their back on this racket and/or defending them. "That didn't happen in my adoption". Good grief. Denial and ignorance is disgusting.

Edit: Browse through threads on a-parent support groups of IA adoptions.  They even discuss what is a good gift or tip that you should give the attorney or facilitator that made their dream come true.

Answer 22

It doesn't seem right to recompense the birth parents.  A child is priceless, so how could you say what (s)he is worth?  Furhter, you may actually offend the mother.  Money is no comfort to losing a piece of you, or for dealing with the pain and discomfort of child-bearing.  I would hope that knowing she has given her baby a good home, that perhaps she herself could not should be reward enough for what she has done for her child and your family.

That siad, I do think it is VERY appropriate to pay for all birth-related expenses... doctor's visits, hospital fees, maternity clothes, etc...

Best wishes!

Answer 23

For one thing, YES it is illegal!  

For another thing, maybe that happens in a few shady situations, but usually adoptions at birth are handled lawfully.  Adoptive parents pay for medical expenses not covered by insurance, living expenses lost due to the pregnancy, and any other expenses due to pregnancy like maternity clothes or prenatal vitamins.  Thats it.

Answer 24

What amount of money could compensate for that?

By the time we found our son's mom she was pregnant again. We sent her money so that she could have medical care and so that she'd be able to keep her baby rather than relinquish again.

Answer 25

NO because usually the mother doesn't want the child so why pay her for her negligence?

WAIT WAIT I just re-read the question are you saying you paid her for the baby and now it's yours?  THEN BOTH OF YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL--their are court proceedings that can take place to GIVE you custody JACKA**

Answer 26

I dont think its illegal. I know this isnt real but in the film Juno the lady asked juno if she was looking for any compensation when there was a lawyer present so i dont think its illegal just depends on the birth mothers morals

Answer 27

NO WAY....if they r given the kid away that means that they dont have the right to have a child....no responsibility and prob cant even take care of herself. dont give her money... we dont need more crack heads out here

Answer 28

I've adopted and no I did not give money to my son's natural mother (or "buy" him) .  I am not a criminal.

Your question is INSULTING to PAPs and APs.  You insinuate that if someone really wants to be a parent, they'll do something illegal to become one.

I believe an apology from you is warranted.

Answer 29

I'm sure people have done.

I know youd probably really apprieciate what she has done.

But i don't think its a good idea in any circumstance to offer her money. She may feel shes just SOLD her baby! She has given it for adoption for a reason, but im sure she doesnt want cash in return.

Answer 30

Usually, the adopting parents pay for the birthmother's doctor and medical bills.  Most people also give the birthmother money  to compensate for her pain and 9 months of pregnancy.

Answer 31

If any money changes hands directly, the adoption is considered illegal and if the court finds out about it, it could stop the finalization from occurring.  They are so strict about this rule, that when our son's bio-grandparents wanted to set up a college fund for him, they were told by the attorney to wait until after the finalization occurred.  Otherwise, it could be construed that they were paying us to adopt the child.