Has anything new happened in the aristocratic world?

Question

I've been gadding about Spain for a week and wondered if anything had happened in toff's corner. Polo games? Servant beatings? Lolling about drinking champagne? Any ugly altercations with the great unwashed?

Answer 1

All seems to have been quiet while you were away.

Welcome back and trust you had a good time.

Answer 2

My shipment of French brandy arrived, so I have been more or less mentally absent for the past week. I have a feeling I may have doled out a severe beating to a servant sometime around Thursday evening, though sadly I have no recollection of whether it was one of mine or someone else's. Such is life sometimes. Otherwise very little to report this end old girl.

Answer 3

Ze sztinkingk cruzsties are haffingk anozer of zos blingingk noiszy vrave urpsz on ze vwillage green I am not objecktingk zis time, I juzst zought ve couldt go ant szcore szome off zem diszco bizscuitsz fvrom a couple off vwitczhesz, VWHIZZAR!! VOT??

Answer 4

Well you were missed at Deauville......  All of us were there, Rotter lost his shirt, I lost my trousers. But sadly it wasnt in any situations involving you, bustiers, and other nethergarments.

Just the odd few diplomatic incidents........

Its good to have you back ....  and Oh how Ive missed you for our secret assignations my dear......   Tuesday ok ?

Answer 5

My dear Lady P, the diesel drinking old hag from the village had escaped from the Château D’if again and poor Bagthorpe (87) has not been sleeping, he is having night mares about her un wanting afflictions being forced upon his withered dishevelled torso, personally I think the old duffer likes it but hey ?

Apart from that Aunt E..you know the one in the loony bin is getting freed soon so we shall have a right royal bash on the old estate, if  especially if Camilla turn up Ms Bagthorpe (47) the dungeoness… she’s the one of the …Lebanese persuasion, she is willing to give her a bash…

But that’s all really.

Answer 6

Ahoy Pampers! It's good to know that you have once again hove to in our island waters. I was going to answer your question by recounting the amusing tale of how Sykes - a junior forester on the estate staff - came to fall into a wood chipper at the weekend and who has since been added to the compost bins (I'm expecting to have some prize roses this year!). However, Ms Magic has reminded me that I have fallen behind with one of my favourite pastimes - namely the conjoining of  junior female members of staff with root vegetables.

I do generally try to make sure that the prettier ones all receive their 'daily five' !

Answer 7

Over at Chalfont Grange, we've had a little bit of a worry about my steam yacht being stuck in Southampton Water until the sea levels rise (I've put Manners on coal burning duty so we can get it out to sea in time for the regatta in July), another about it being potentially in the Atlantic in 2036 at the same time an asteroid may strike the general vicinity, the Duchess has just returned from sabbatical to visit her great aunt Morticia in New York State and wants something called an African Strangler plant, Shork has run himself over with his own ride-on lawnmower and Hopkins lost his memory when the dining room chandalier fell on him.  

So yes, it's been quite an interesting week...

Answer 8

What are you meaning to ask?

Answer 9

Well there was a bit of a do out here at Crestfallen Towers. His Lordship mistook Claire, the upstairs maid, for the Rolls  and took her for a spin. Her Ladyship was quite upset and fled to America and became the Jenny Craig spokeswoman. Fergie is teaching her the ropes. His Lordship has been drunk since the whole sordid affair transpired and Claire has taken to wearing a tiara while cleaning the wc.

Answer 10

For the most recent Royalty News update visit http://www.royalty.nu/news.html

Answer 11

Lady F, what a pleasure to see you're still around. I'd heard on the grapevine, you were in Paris with the Prince of Arabia? Well, nothing new to tell I'm afraid. The only incident that comes to mind is the thrashing I dealt to a man who dared to call upon the estate to 'sell' me electricity ! Hugs and air kisses.

Answer 12

Mostly burning coal in these parts, madam.

Answer 13

Welcome back old girl. Nothing really of any importance the usual horsewhippings and psychological torture of the staff have taken place up at the manor of course. Oh and Bongo has been taken in for questioning again over the increasing number of people disappearing in the village, coincidentally many of them are on my RRL list, how curious! Mrs Humfrey's still refuses to do the decent thing and pop her clogs (the wretched women) pretty much as you left us my dear, except you may have to ship your stable girl Lucy off to her aunts as I appear to have gotten her in the family way, most inconvenient. Tip top.

Answer 14

us peasants 'ave been gettin' assorted vegetables thrown at us-if it keeps the master 'appy,I for one dont mind.-God bless 'em all.