Has becoming a parent changed your views on adoption?

Question

My views changed drastically after having my own kids. I understood my a-parents more in their desire to have a family. I appreciated what my bio-mom had been though more profoundly, and my desire to meet her and curiosity grew. I'm wondering about others regardless of what part of the adoption triad you are.

Answer 1

Yes, I can't describe the intensity of feelings I had upon meeting a blood relative for the very first time in my life

It was after having my children that I decided to search for the truth of OUR origins.  Unfortunately, the USA has decided that myself and my children are not equal citizens under the law and denies us access to OUR information

Thanks sealed records - blech

Answer 2

i am also adopted and i could never give up my son.  having him was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Answer 3

Yes, very much so!  She is my only blood & even tho- I am adopted I do not feel that the type of love you have with your own biological child is the same between parents & their adopted children.  It's just that they have never felt this type of 'unconditional love' that I now have with my own daughter...not to say that my love for my a-family isn't real...just different.

I agree - I have a different outlook on my biological mother who I never knew.  There's not so much hate & aggression there anymore.

Answer 4

Having two children of my own has somewhat changed my views on adoption.  I had a baby girl seven years ago that I gave up for adoption.  I have a daughter and a son of my own now.  My views on adoption as a whole have changed, in that I have a greater respect than ever for birthmoms.  It's not easy.  I knew it firsthand, but I especially know it now, as I now know what a gift I gave to my baby's a-parents- some women feel this loss right away, but I did not- I never wanted to be a mom when I first got pregnant, so I never felt a huge loss when I had my first baby.  But my views on our personal adoption story have not changed-  I always have and always will feel that she's in the right place, with the right people.

Answer 5

Adoption was an entirely foreign entity to me prior to making the plan for my youngest daughter, Z.  I was and am parenting an older child, so I know the love a mother can have for her child(ren).  This is not to say I did not love Z, I just knew I was emotionally unprepared for her.  She will always have a special place in my heart and I hope the best for her and her parents.

Answer 6

Nope, parenting is parenting.  What has changed my views on adoption has come from 11 years of conversations with firstmothers, adoptive parents, and especially adoptees.  Those conversations were what got me to step out of my own experiences and see the full impact of adoption.

Edit to add:

I wanted to add that I can see how much of an impact giving birth or adopting could have on an adoptee though with regards to their thoughts about adoption.  I don't want to dismiss that impact at all.

Answer 7

I'll be honest.  I was really looking forward to having my son because he would be the first person I ever knew that I was biologically related to.  And you know what, it was so great.  He did and does look almost exactly like me (only he is a boy).  And he was the most beautiful, precious person i had ever met.

And meeting him and seeing his little infant face and holding him and caring for him made me really,  REALLY angry at my first mom.  How could she give away her own child?  I found it just infuriating.  

Of course, I didn't know the real story back then.  I had always been told that my firstmother relinquished so she could go to college (a lie).  

My feelings changed when  I finally learned what really happened but I was really mad way back then.

Answer 8

Now that I'm a mom, I can't imagine giving up my baby.  The fact that birth mothers make this amazing choice so that their baby can chances that the baby wouldn't have had with the birth mother is inspiring.

Answer 9

yes.

i was quite ignorant about adoption prior to making a plan.  then i realized after having my son that there is NO EFFING way i could endure pregnancy, labor and delivery and hand my kid over.

Answer 10

I really despised my adoption even more after I gave birth.  I held my newborn babies and couldn't imagine how my mother could have given me up; how can anyone give up their own flesh and blood?  

Not only that, but just seeing and experiencing the way my moments-old newborn babies searched for me, the way they instantly calmed when they heard my voice, the way that I was their entire universe even moments old...really made me sad for my infant self who was left alone in the hospital nursery, probably searching for my own mother, and never finding her or hearing her voice again.

It must have been terrifying.

Answer 11

Becoming a parent did not change my views on adoption.  It changed me.  I became more capable of love and more open as a person.  In relation to adoption, it only made me more determined to adopt.  I feel my bio-kids are lucky to have such a loving and supportive home, and I wish our kind of home for other children.  I think through becoming a mom, I just became more determined to offer what I have to others...whether bio-kids or adopted kids.  It saddens me to hear about children that live in abusive homes...and I know I will adopt as soon as I get the chance.  

However, it will be an older child and not a coveted infant.

Hope this helps.