Has cancer changed you or a person you know drastically (emotionally)?

Question

my dad, after having thyroid cancer, he seems to be doing fine, its be about 6 years now ish.

he seems to be completely depressed and angry.

he keeps shutting us out of his life and if we try talking to him he gets angry.

what do we do??

Answer 1

Make sure he is seeing an endocrinologist. Follow up is important for anything to do with the thyroid.

Answer 2

Six years ago, I assume the issue is not totally related to cancer. He needs professional help. Bless you because I guess he will refuse the help.

Answer 3

Yes one of my friends brothers had leukemia and 2 years after he's never been the same. he's less social and more aggressive.

Answer 4

yes ,I just found out I have lung cancer and I"m depressed and angry and shutting everyone out ...I'm 64 and just got my freedom ..by that I mean I worked for 39 years for everyone and now that I have time and want to do things I now come down with cancer ..you bet I"m  angry  I hope you don't lission to your dad and still try seeing him  

Answer 5

many with cancer in my family and it is devastating

Answer 6

First of all I would get a professional to talk to about his condition and see if they could get him to open up about his bitterness. Second I would get some professional help for your family on how to deal with this. I must say I wasn't bitter about coming down with leukemia as I had no one to blame but myself. However I do have other problems which keep me feeling down all the time such as diabetes, and I often feel as though i have lost a lot of my mental capacities as I just feel as though I can't remember things and get discouraged easily. I died 3 times during my stay at Vanderbilt and that is why I feel like I lost my mental capacities. I will be praying for you.

Answer 7

He needs a psychologist and a support group.

It is normal though.  Most people do go through a period of time where they are angry at the world, god, and everything else when dealing with cancer.  

And, most cancer patients have a lot of good reasons to be angry and depressed.  With cancer, I have lost basically 4 years of my life, I was on life support for over 2 weeks, I lost my hair twice, I have gained 60 pounds, my last treatment was a nightmare that aged me 20 years it seems and left me infertile and with life long complications that require life long expensive meds.  I was 21 when diagnosed, now almost 25.  I am poor.  I dont go to the mall or the movies.  I do my 'fun' shopping at yardsales with about 10$ a week.  I buy my clothes at Goodwill.  My car is about to fall apart and I have no way of getting another one.  The house I rent is old, not insulated, and filled with mold that is no where near healthy for me.

I have a lot of good things in my life.  I have a sig other who loves me very much, and only through him am I able to have the things I do have.  (A sig other, btw, that I cant legally marry because even though he makes too much for my public insurance, he doesnt make enough to pay my med bills and his insurance wont cover me at all).  I do have a house to live in, I do have family that love me.  I am getting to go back to school.  

Overall I am happy with my life.  BUT, this is NOT the life I had planned.  I should have been settled in my career, married to my life partner, have a child, have money, a nice house, nice clothes.

Again, I am happy, but its very hard to not become angry with what I dont have..   the things I would have had if not for having cancer.

Maybe your dad is going through the same things.

Try very hard to get him to see a psychologist (I see mine everyday, and its what I am going back to school for).  If not, then a support group.  Does he do any hobbies?  What about talking about the hard stuff?  For a long time I was afraid to tell my sig other a lot of the things I was angry over.  Because, we came together during my cancer (we were friends before, but circumstances that only would have been there with my cancer allowed us to become closer).  I was afraid of how to tell him I wish I had never had cancer, because he wouldnt be in my life had I not.  Sometimes it can help to just be completly honest about your feelings, and maybe he is not.

Or maybe he is scared.  If he thinks the cancer is coming back, or is back, or even if he is just afraid of it (it lingers in the back of every cancer patient the rest of their life...  anyone who tells you otherwise is lieing.)...   That would definatly be enough to make someone angry and depressed.

Answer 8

Are you sure that after 6 years, that's the reason he's depressed and angry? I mean how do you know his behavior TODAY is related to his cancer ?

Anyway, just 2 cents here and they may be completely off:someone who is independent, used to not leaning on anyone, used to being the head of the family or very, very respected and authoritarian...maybe he felt  helpless and confused and unsure when he got diagnosed....or maybe there's been this uncertainty about getting back what he had before, in terms of respect, authority and just feeling valuable and needed.

I think most patients don't like to be talked down to, don't like to be treated as if they're ill, don't like to feel they're under the microscope, don't like to  feel they've been REDUCED to their illness.   They don't like to know they depend on the mercy of others (even if it's not mercy but love and family), don't like to feel like they don't contribute (don't like to feel they're contributing now less than they did), maybe they feel aprehensive about what the others (family, children) are thinking about him now. I think the most important thing is to make him feel needed an that his contribution to the family is substantial and crucial which is something he may not understand although it is sooooo in his face. Call him to ask him for advice or guidance on something, make him feel useful and important, remind him that you need him.

Again, this might be completely off...maybe his anger and depression have other roots (someone mentioned he might be scared of the cancer coming b etc)...communicate with him as gently and lovingly as you can to try to slowly dig down to this root.

May the Virgin Mary guard you and your family!