Has he been cheating on me?

Question

My hubby is in military and deployed a lot. He was gone for 6 months and when he got home I saw his email that he left open on the computer. He said "I want you, too" talking to a girl he was friends with while he was gone. She says they had s*x but also told me some things I know are lies. I know she had a crush on him. They continued to text until I saw his email and I put a stop to it. Now he has been deployed another six months and I saw several new numbers he texted a LOT. He said they were guys he works with. I decided to call the numbers and they were girls. One said they only talked but he asked her to come over, the other said they had s*x. The one that said they had s*x also texted him a lot and he didn't respond so I think she was mad at him. My hubby says he was depressed bc he missed me and they got his mind off of me but that he never met them but was totally wrong and will never do it again. I told him to get STD tested. I love my hubby and want to believe him but I also feel like an idiot if I do. He had texted one of these women back and forth 174x on our family vacation. This happened while I was pregnant and shortly after I had our baby. He has obviously lied a lot and I don't know who to believe. I used to trust him 100%. Are some women really lying home wreckers or could they be telling the truth? HELP!!!

Answer 1

The answer is within your own posting:  Yes, there are women who are lying home wreckers- BUT-your man texted another woman 174x while on "family vacation".  A home wrecker usually has an accomplice, and it is usually the unfaithful spouse!  I am sorry for your pain, but you are in a very bad situation-he is cheating-even if he has never had s*x with one of these multiple women, he is replacing YOUR companionship with THEIRS, and he is willing to risk your trust in him by doing so.

What else do you need to know?

Answer 2

Lets look at this logically, even if the women are lying home wreckers, your husband has no business communicating with them as much as he has. This should tell you he is definitely lying to you. He sounds to have no idea what it is to be in a committed relationship and has used his time a\way from home as an opportunity to cheat and he is having fun doing so. He is getting away with lying to you and underestimates your intelligence by telling you he only contacted them because of how much he missed you. He obviously knows what you want to hear. I am afraid to tell you that you married a guy who  does not deserve your trust. You sound so in love and blinded by your love for him. Time to face the painful truth, he is a lying cheater and he will say anything to confuse you and delute you from the truth. He does this not because he values your trust, he does this because he sees you as a pushover that will believe what you want to hear. Up to you to take it or not. The saying, "90 % of being a happy person depends on the type of person you marry" is true, just like when you marry the wrong person it will cause you so much unhappiness.  You married a person who is only going to continue to lie to you and if you decide to stay with him he will only cause you much disappointment and heartache. Why not face the ugly truth and stop allowing him to get away with fooling you and end it. No one deserves to be treated with such lack of respect and consideration. Trust me, when he is out there making it with another girl he is not thinking of your feelings. Get out so that you can one day find a man who knows the meaning of being faitfhful.  

Answer 3

Do you think a group of women (who do not know eachother) managed to sceme a plan to ruin your marriage?

I think not...

You know the truth - and you need to move on.

Answer 4

Yeah Right, I ALWAYS go and have s*x with other men when I am missing MY husband- that makes TOTAL SENSE...........NOT!

Answer 5

Sounds to me like you would be better off without him. It's possible that some of them may have lied but I lean more to the side of it being your husband that is lying (speaking from personal experience). Just because he is missing you doesn't give him the right to sleep with other women. He was with you on family vacation while still texting one of the women so what does that tell you!!!! Do yourself a favor and file for divorce. If there isn't trust there isn't a relationship. You deserve someone who is going to be faithful to you and not sleep around just because he is away and misses you.

Answer 6

I honestly think that you need to leave him. His behavior is in no way acceptable. File for the divorce papers. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I am sorry :(

Answer 7

I think he is cheating! Even if he wasn't cheating he is a huge liar and he has to be in constant contact with other woman, and that is just pathetic. I would lose him as soon as possible,I am sure you could do much better.

Answer 8

I'm a cheater....and let me tell you....he is 100% cheating...he's in damage control and telling you whatever it takes.  Leave.  You'll find someone else.

Answer 9

im sorry. but you should keep it together for the kid. deff get him std tested cuz alot of girls are dirty and just sleep around. but things will never be the same between you to. move on if you can but keep it together for the kid

Answer 10

Wow, sounds like you're grasping for straws here. Sorry but it sounds like your husband is the liar in this scenario. Dump him. Life is too short.

Answer 11

Yep

remember go with your gut then if it looks like a rat then it is a rat.

Answer 12

Cheating is a choice not a mistake. Your husband made more than one bad choice. If it was just a one time thing with one girl and he knew what he did was wrong then I could see things working out between the two of you.

The thing is, this happened over and over again. He has a serious problem and needs to get help for it. His excuse that they got you off his mind is just BS. Cheaters always make up the stupidest excuses. It's always about them and what they are going through. It's never, "Yeah I messed up and wasn't responsible. I'm sorry." You can sit and wonder why he did what he did but you'll never get the answers.

My advice, save your money and time and leave this guy. He has no idea what the h**l he wants in his life. Well he knows one thing he wants and that's to do things with other women behind your back.

Him getting deployed will just be a reason for him to cheat because he knows he can use his stupid excuses over and over again.

Put your foot down, be strong and find some one that knows what they want in life.  

Answer 13

sweetie most of the military husband that go out to see either has s*x with other women or whatever because those are s*x months and men can control themselves. am sorry if i sound very rude but i have seen military men in clubs dancing and looking for women to have s*x and to spend their money with. i feel sorry for those women waiting for their husband being home taking care of their kids and being faithful while they out having fun.

cause any guy that goes out there for so long has something to do with other girls! just tell him to have the std test done and since he has lie a lot i will be very difficult to trust him again! we should right a book about military husband because they are all cheated believe it or not! sweetie think about what you are going to do but don't be soft on your husband!

Answer 14

These women have no reason to lie to you. Your husband has done it in the past and obviously has something to hide! And if he missed you then he can look at a picture of you or mail you a letter, Not have s*x with other women!!! I wouldn't doubt if he does have an std. He must not care about you or his family. you need to get a divorce. once a cheater always a cheater. guys like this make me so mad.  

Answer 15

LOL....so you think that ALL these women could be lying home wreckers?  Your husband is a disgusting cheating b*****d....How much more proof do you need?  Need to actually catch him bumping the nasties with some floozy before you believe that he is cheating on you?

Answer 16

  It's obvious that he has been cheating, Im sure you caught onto that? So now the balls in your court, what are you gonna do? You cant put the blame on the women with whom he is texting & messing around with, the blame goes towards your husband, as it is he who has the abiltiy to say no! It will drive you crazy if you continue to endure this kinda treatment, you must think of yourself & your children, stop worrying about what he's doing, & start figuring out how your gonna get out of this mess. I believe that you do love him, but does he love you?  If someone loves you, they show it in their actions, just saying the word I love you is not showing love, as it is merely a word, so basically what his actions do show is that he lies, & cheats, this is something you need to come to terms with. I really hope it works out for you, as no one deserves to be treated like this.

Answer 17

Thats really tough!

I'm sorry that your going through that

But you need to trust your instincts. Because usally they are right.

I dont THINK most women would lie about their relations with your hubby ... what would it do for them? Maybe some would because they are losers but over all it does not benifit them to lie to you about what happened.

You need to stick to your feelings and keep your foot down and find out whats going on. Your husband is prolly going through alot of stress and prolly is really horny being deployed and all but it doesnt mean that you deserve to be cheated on or lied to.

Good luck

Answer 18

Although i do believe that there are  women out there that are lying homewreckers out there, but in your case i believe that your husband is a cheating lying man, he is lying to you and he is very much so cheating on you, and the faster u see it for what it is, the sooner u will know what kind of a dog he really is, don't believe him when he says that he has never met up w/them, that's a lie ,and i wouldn't believe him if i were u.

Answer 19

next deployment he goes on -- move far away and take everything

Answer 20

It really does sound like he is being unfaithful.  You can blame the women involved, and you can blame him, really though, he is the one who took a vow of faithfulness with you.  To blame the women would be a waste, your energies will be better spent dealing with him, yourself, and your marriage.  I know first hand that the military presents a tough set of circumstances for any married couple, especially with deployments, but I know many military couples who are faithful, and who focus on each other and their marriages even when they are apart for what seems like forever.  It seems you know the truth.  That can be A LOT to handle.  Don't go forward alone... find someone you can talk to and who can help you discern the best path to follow, and who can help you down that path.  Put YOURSELF and you children first, and be weary of making excuses for him, or else no matter what he says, it will translate to a license to cheat for him.  Good luck, and I feel for you.

Answer 21

He has cheated on you. And because he misses you is a really lame excuse to cheat. Sounds to me  he is just an ***. And just because you love the *** don't mean he is any less of an ***.

Answer 22

that would suck.. I am sorry to hear this.. but, I think you know the answer you were asking.. tell him if he wants it to work out, stop emails, texts and obviously s*x.. that would be very painful.. when someone talks a lot to the opposite s*x, relationships become close and feelings begin.. it is very tough to keep it surface.. he has to maintain self control... I would tell him that ya'll aren't having s*x until he does get a STD test..  

Answer 23

He's a douchebag. He's cheating. He's lying. Do you really want this for yourself for the rest of your life? It is time to kick him to the curb. I know that is easier said than done (especially since you have at least one child), but from what you write it doesn't sound like anything will change. Just consider your future, and whether you want to be putting up with these shenanigans 5 or 10 years from now.

You deserve better than this.

Answer 24

You know the answer in you mind and you should trust your instincts.  If he really loved you why would he text one of these women 174x.  He's lied to you in the past and it sounds like he will never change.  You are only kidding yourself if you think he will.  I am sorry you are going through this and wish you all the best, whatever decision you make.

Answer 25

From what you said I do think he is a cheater and a liar. For your own sake and future,you should leave him. Sounds however like he has you wrapped around his finger and anything (lame excuses, obvious lies, cheesy 'but I love you, you're the only one' type of comments etc etc) he will tell you, you will believe him.

Being in the army is no excuse. If he loved you either he would be honest with you and tell you the truth so you guys can work it out or he would tell you he does not have feelings for you anymore and let you be. He does neither and does what pleases him, easy solution to him: a wife and mistresses. How bad...

Good luck, think about your long term future.

Answer 26

Sorry, but sounds like something is up.  How is he seeing these women?  Are they where he is deployed at?  Even if they are lying- he's still talking to them.  He knows that is wrong.  It's probably a mixture of lies and truth.  I would really put my foot down and get him to admit to everything.  Then, you can go from there but only when you know the whole truth.  He's not putting his family first, and I'm sure it's hard being gone from home, but I'm also sure there are plenty of soldiers that are faithful to their spouses.  Texting other women is inappropriate in itself if he is married to you and has a family with you.  If you talk to him, and still don't believe him and still are seeing the texting and phone calls and emails it's time to make some really hard decisions.  Maybe he thinks he's getting away with it and won't stop until you give him a taste of what he stands to lose.