Has marriage counseling really worked for anyone?

Question

My wife insisted that we attend counseling if we were to stay together.

Even though I was not the one who strayed, I agreed to counseling. So I get in there and the therapist says I was unapproachable and distant and that is why she did her bad behavior. He went on to say that I needed to make some changes with some better communication skills and conflict resolution.

Hey I'm not the one who cheated and yet I'm the one who "can't be dealt with!" and have to change.

Based on this experience I have to ask, does this counseling c**p work for anyone except the women?

Answer 1

Well the question is broad based.

First counseling is designed to approach and attack a person's mindset.

In other words challenge your mind to answer to difficuld situations.

The counselor will ask a question or make a comment and see how you react.

Answer 2

Yes, I can promise u I would not be married today if I did not go. It worked for us. You may need a diffrent therapist if it is not working for you.  

Answer 3

I went and the guy took my side and it made my wife mad. She was so obviously wrong though...  We divorced anyway.

Answer 4

Define "work." It works if you come to understand what to do. Sometimes, the thing to do is get gone. Hey. It worked.  

Answer 5

nope it did not  wound up punching holes in the wall  

Answer 6

no, she went back to her old ways

Answer 7

Nope.  Waste of time, wifey darling insisted on counselling then got bashed by counsellor #1.

She fired him and we ended up going to another (female) counsellor.  Same thing, wife got bashed.  I was an "ideal" husband, except for not cooking quite enough dinners (twice a week at the time).

Wife was furious and considered counsellor #2 a traitor to women.

Ex-wife is now undergoing constant counselling to deal with the "loss" of her marriage.  She's addicted to counselling, we've been split for 15 years, now.  I can't even remember her maiden, or middle name.

Answer 8

Yes but only if you really want it to.  If you are both 100% committed in saving the marriage then it will work.  It helped us a ton with our communication.  We actually talk to eachother now and learned how to agree.

Answer 9

yes.. my hubby and I attended counseling. I was at fault and both the counselor and my hubby took turns bashing me for it, and I took it. we had filed for divorce, and then at last minute decided to try the marriage counseling and we ended up not divorced.

You have to be willing in the room to try everything, even though she cheated, you have to learn to communicate with her. its 50/50...

its difficult but you can do it and overcome all the problems.

good luck.  

but if you think you had no faults whatsoever in the marriage, then it will do nothing for you and your marriage will fail.

Answer 10

I would have laughed at my therapist and called him an idiot.  His logic comes off like him saying "well, your husband raping you was really all YOUR fault because you haven't been putting out for over a year".  The bottom line is that maybe you were "unapproachable & distant" (creating a problem with the marriage) but it doesn't give her the right to "cheat".  Nobody forced her to allow some dude to put his p***s in between her legs, she made that choice all on her own.

If she was unhappy, than she had the obligation to TELL you or to leave the marriage altogether..not to act like a s**t and put out to some other dude.

Answer 11

Counseling only works if A. Both parties really WANT to see how they BOTH contributed to the problems in the marriage, and B. the counselor works only to foster communication, not place blame.

If your wife thinks it is all your fault she cheated, then she will not work on her own issues and therefore nothing will change.

If you think all your marital problems are just because your wife cheated and that none of the issues began with you, then you will not work on your issues and nothing will change.

You can only save a relationship that has been torn apart this way if BOTH parties can see where they contributed and work on their own issues in order to make the marriage stronger. I personally don't see the need for counseling to achieve this goal, but some people do. However, no matter how much counseling you get it won't work unless you both take responsibility for your own part and do something to fix it.

EDIT: I say get the divorce. If you don't think you did anything to contribute to your wife feeling like it was necessary to cheat on you, and she doesn't see that she's wrong then you're just wasting $150 an hour. Of course you did something, she wasn't just sitting around one day all sunshine and roses and said "Hmmm... I think I'll go have s*x with someone else!" She probably told you many times that she was unhappy, and I bet you fought constantly. She is still wrong, but again unless you intend to change your behavior, whatever made her unhappy enough to think it was a good idea to cheat will still drive you apart. Save your money for the divorce.

Answer 12

thats so funny...maybe you don't need any more sessions as the therapist hit the nail on the head straight away...whilst you can be blamed if she cheated and you have stayed faithful your wife obviously thinks someting is wrong between you which lead her to seek "comfort" in someone else... lack of communication, she had needs and you weren't listening so she strayed... now it's too little to late... it looks like she is only "trying" to save your marriage coz she thinks she should...

Good luck x

Answer 13

not without the desire for it to work coming from both parties.