Has your boyfriend or husband changed his mind about children?

Question

Are you or have you been with someone who initially didnt like or want children, but then over time changed his opinion? I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and I'm learning that he's not very fond of children. It is too soon for us to talk about our future and the possibility of children, but I am wondering if I should worry about this. Is this a sign that I should head for the hills before I become even more attached than I am now? Is this one of those things that men really don't change, or do many men dislike children in their late 20s and then come to think more about fatherhood once they become more future oriented, and when they see most of their peers are having children? I know that this is something we should talk seriously about, but I'm thinking that it might be too soon to make this an issue. Have any of you had similar experiences and wisdom to share?

Answer 1

Kids are expensive.  I don't want them nor do i want to raise them.

Answer 2

My husband never wanted children and even consulted his doctor for a referral for a vasectomy when he was 22. Due to restrictions from our health insurance, his doctor refused and told him to come back when he was 30. He is 28 now. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that he didn't want kids, but surprise! we conceived our daughter 3 months into our relationship. He was scared poopless the entire pregnancy, wondering what kind of father he would be, wondering if it was a dream, but he knew he had responsibilities and was mature enough to accept them.

The first time he held our daughter in his arms, his heart melted and all his fears disappeared. He loved her from the moment he saw her, and she's a complete Daddy's Girl now. She has him wrapped around her finger.

Soon after she was born, he was saying "So when do we start on the next one?"

Our next one is due in December. He loves being a dad. He tries to bond with our unborn son by reading to him, talking to him, singing and playing music for him and I know my husband wouldn't trade Daddyhood for the world.

Answer 3

my husband decided he didnt want more after we married and changed his mind again to wanting more 3 years later. too late, now i dont want more because i am 35 now.

it is very possible he will change his mind.

Answer 4

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and he is all over the place with this one, and marriage.  He likes some kids but not the "screaming, loud, annoying" ones...which seems to be all the ones we live around.  But yet, I have much, much younger siblings who he adores.  I have an 11 year old half-sister and I was talking to her on the phone last week and he asked for the phone...he got on and asked her if she would like to sleep over next weekend.  I was surprised!  We've talked about both marriage and children many times before and I know that he wants both, just not now.  I want them too, but also not now.  I think it is a security thing.  Most men want everything to be perfect in their own lives before they change something.  Many guys are still trying to figure their own selves out well into their 30's.  I am 22 and my boyfriend is 27, so he also wants to make sure I have time to figure myself out since I am almost 5 years younger than him and have almost 5 years less the experiences in life.  Then you have those guys who want to get hitched and pop out kids right after high school or college.  They are all different.  One of my friends didn't plan a pregnancy with his girlfriend, (mind you they are in their late 20's and have been together for 7 years), and he was very against kids, but his words were, "Once I held him, I fell in love.  I don't know why I waited so long!"  My boyfriend is very family oriented and many of his friends are married and have childen, and I know he wants to carry on his name but it is such an individual decision.  If you really want to know, I would suggest asking him.

Answer 5

Look, If You Think Your Not Ready To Address The Fact With Him Just Casually Bring it Up In A Conversation.

If Your Really Concerned Just Talk To Him.

Whats The Harm ?

Answer 6

my husband told me he never wanted kids then we ended up with my son which my husband is attached at the hip with.. the two of them are best friends and he couldn't function without him. As far as baby # 2   I am told NO WAY .. I think he is afraid he can't love 2 kids as much as he loves our son.

Answer 7

I think every men thinks that for awhile. My boyfriend as well said he didn't want any & now he plans on doing so when we get out of highschool this year & start our lifes.

Answer 8

If they haven't decided by their late twenties that they want kids someday, they most likely never will.

Answer 9

I am not sure of your age, but I know my boyfriend's feelings about children seem to change almost minute to minute!  A vast number of his friends have kids and alternately complain and brag about them...

I think most people have trepidation here and there until they actually see and hold their own child.  As your relationship progresses however, you should make sure that he knows that you DO want kids eventually (I assume).

Good Luck!

Answer 10

okay, here are what the other posters' "dream come true, all of a sudden wants to be a dad" stories are missing-

WHY DOES HE NOT WANT KIDS?

if your boyfriend doesn't want kids because he doesn't feel like he'll be able to raise them well (ie doesn't feel financially able, etc) then yes, he may change is mind if you show him it can be done, or if he gets a better job, house, etc.

if he doesn't want kids because he's out there enjoying his life and doesn't want the responsibility RIGHT NOW then yes, perhaps when he's older he MIGHT change his mind.  but even these types of men envision having a wife and child in their future, just dont' want one right now.

if he's told you he doesn't like kids or want to be a father, then no, he wont' change his mind.

7 months isn't too early.  just tell him while you don't plan on having children any time soon, you expect to have children in your life someday.  see what he says.  if he says heck no, then there's your answer.  you might also want to see what his view on marriage is.  some men see themselves as married in the future.  some men don't.

His actions are already telling you something, now it's time to hear the words.  if he doesn't want children, you should separate now before the relationship gets even more intense.

Answer 11

My advice to you, seven months in isn't really that far in to talk about marriage or kids, but ask him honestly if he ever would like children in the future.  More than likely he's young and has a few things to do in his mind before he even tackles that hurdle.  Make your decision based on his answer.  You may be surprised what he says.  When I was pregnant with my first baby, my husband didn't want to hear anything about it, came to the appointments and was happy it was a girl and that was it.  Never wanted to talk about her or how she might be or look like, etc.  When she was born, he had a big dumb grin on his face and held her more than I did.  He also did more feedings in the night than I did AND even did diaper changes.  Some men are weird and are just like that, if it happens then they deal with it and some better than others.  I got lucky LOL.  The whole pregnancy I was terrified he'd turn out like a jerk and cried a lot!

Answer 12

They will not change their mind or be the "dream dad" you envisioned.

My first husband (kids' dad & now ex) gave me plenty of warnings, but like you, I figured he would change & hoped for the best.  Finally talked him into our first child, and had a blessed surprise 6 years later.  He was so "thrilled" with that news that he threatened to leave me then & asked me to see about getting tested since I was an older mom-to-be, with the implication that maybe there was a medical reason to terminate the pregnancy.  

He checked out of the family emotionally, and was never home--"working", he claimed.  Finally, he admitted to affairs & left.  His relationship with the kids since then has been sporadic and on his terms (as in when it suits his purposes & is convenient).  

Do NOT force a guy to have kids if he plainly states he doesn't want them.  You will regret it, and your kids will suffer even more.

Answer 13

My boyfriend was totally against the idea of kids until I got pregnant. And then he couldn't keep his hands off my belly and already thought of names. I had a miscarriage and he was so upset he didn't think he could ever handle it again, but here we are expecting and he's an excited daddy once again. I don't suggest getting pregnant to find out but he might come around. He's just got to realize when it's his baby it's completely different.

I just wanted to add we're not irresponsible getting pregnant twice on accident, I was on a different birth control everytime. So ladies beware, it can happen.