Has your child ever thrown a fit while listening to you

Question

My two year old does this sometimes. He will do something that he knows he shouldn't be. I ask him to stop and he obeys, but cries at the same time. Or when I tell him that he has earned a some time in the corner he will listen and go stand there but he will scream and be upset. I guess it's normal (I mean he *is* only two and I'm telling him to do something he really doesn't want to do), but do you experience this with your kids as well? What do you do when your kids do that?

Also, how do you get your toddler in a structured daily routine when he doesn't show any interest in one? I've tried for months to get my two year old to sit down and color with me, or read a book, or do something fun together and he doesn't show an interest in it. Even when I play cars or farm animals with him, he's always interested in doing something else within 5 minutes. He can't even sit through me reading a short book to him without jumping out of my lap to go play with his match box cars! :) Any suggestions there?

Answer 1

All the time!  

It's normal; he's learning cause and effect as well as testing limits.  He wants to make sure that you really meant it (even if he's done it 50 times before... maybe this time you'll change your mind).  He's pretty sure you'll say no, so he does it to test the theory and to test how much he can push you.  When you respond, he learns that he was right and you're consistent.  When you don't respond or you give in, he learns that you're not consistent or that you wear down easily.  You're doing a great job just staying consistent.

It's a good sign that he cries while obeying because it shows he has independence (wants to do it, wants to test the limits) but also obedience (will do what you say just because you said it).  He's not happy about it, but he's well-adjusted and will do it anyways!  It's very normal and very healthy!  It shows that you're doing a great job as a parent!

I would adjust the way you propose the activities a little bit - instead of trying to get him to do an activity with you, put him in an area where he only has access to three or four things... a truck, a book, a puzzle, coloring... then let him choose the activity.  Once he decides what he wants to play with, join him.  Another option: you play one thing while he plays another (co-playing), and talk out loud to no one in particular about what you're doing.  "Wow, that little boy's green shirt is so pretty."  Eventually, he'll get interested and he'll join you because that book MUST be interesting if Mommy's voice is so excited!

Answer 2

Read books about cars.  ;-)  Try Scarry's Cars and Trucks and Things that Go.  Seriously.  My 2-year-old, who won't sit for much, will study that book for an hour.

Otherwise, it's all about the timing.  I'm sure you've realized that interrupting the game of "crash the cars into each other" is not the best time to suggest reading a book or doing a puzzle.  Catch them for quiet activities when they're already feeling a little quiet.  You can read during lunch or a bath, for example, or before nap and bedtime.  And don't be discouraged if it's not for long periods at first.  A 2-year-old with a 5-minute attention span is a totally typical 2-year-old.  But a 2-year-old who colors in 5-minute intervals will be the 2 1/2 year old who does it for 10 minutes, and the 3 year old who does it for longer.  Keep at it and don't lose heart!

As for being obedient but crying, count that as a big success.  And then prepare to explain to him over and over to use words to tell you how he feels.  He'll get it eventually.  It's okay if he doesn't get it at 2.    

Answer 3

My son does this all the time. The mere mention of the words "time out" sets him crying. He just wants his way and you're keeping him from getting it. I think it's totally normal.

As for structure, he may just be too young for it. My son will even ask for other stories in the middle of reading a story. Everything is new and they want to explore. In another year or so, he'll probably be ready for more structure. In the meantime, you can do a few things, like bedtime routine, meal routine, etc. That way, he has some structured activities.

Answer 4

I know exactly what you mean.  I think all kids do this and it IS understandable, I guess.  They cry because they know they have no other choice but to surrender their will and it frustrates them. But still, I don't like it.

Sometimes when my older kids have to do something they don't like (clean their room, schoolwork) instead of going outside to play or getting on the computer, I notice a little bit of attitude.  I don't have the problem of them disobeying me; I am pretty sure they will obey me everytime, but sometimes I detect a bad attitude.  When they were little, I wasn't sure how to deal with it because like I said, I can kind of understand it.  But then  as they got older, it just started to 'feel' wrong.  I have one son (number 2) who honestly almost never has a bad attitude. So I was able to compare the difference between obeying without  a bad attitude about it and obeying with a bad attitude.  My husband and I came to the conclusion that obedience with and attitude is wrong.  It is rebellion even though outwardly the child obeys.  When God expects us to do or not do something, he wants us to obey him and be willing to obey him either because we are contrite or because we are glad to be doing His will.  I think we should expect the same from our children.   If my son gets a punishment for something he did that was wrong, I expect him to be contrite and apologetic.  If, instead, he gives me a bad audited, he still hasn't surrendered his will, which is the whole point of the child training and disciplining in the first place.  I expect him to accept his punishment because he deserves it.  

Here's an example, If I rob a bank and get caught and arrested, I will have to go to court for my hearing.  If I have a bad attitude like I am being 'wronged' for having to get arrested and go to jail, then I still have not taken responsibility for my actions.  I am still blaming someone else for my situation.  That's rebellion.  Rebellion is wrong.

Here's what I do about my younger ones when they cry and throw a fit for being punished.  I start out by telling him/her "No crying.  Your in time out/the corner/trouble for ___(fill in blank).  You are not allowed to scream and cry and throw a fit or pout".   If he/she doesn't stop, I treat it like disobedience, which in my house is a spanking.  Then he/she learns that they are not allowed to have a fit or pout just because they are mad.

The older ones still try it (of course) and we just say to them, "Your not allowed to whine and cry and have a bad attitude about being in trouble because crying means you think I am being mean to you.  If you deserve your punishment, then I am not being mean."

If the child is crying for any other reason other than his being mad or unhappy about his punishment, (like if he is saddened by his bad behavior or upset because he thinks another child will get the toy he had), then we will address those concerns separately.  BUT if the crying and attitude and pouting  are because of the punishment...we don't allow it.

**************Just because it's 'natural' behavior to scream and pout when one is  angry doesn't make it right.  Lying is also natural.  Kids do it without having to be being taught because it's natural...but it's still wrong.

Routine:  His attention span is probably very short.  try to have activities planned for no more then 15 minute increments.  The routine isn't going to be so much that he sits and read fort the same amount of time everyday.  It's more that he has reading time right before lunch  every day.  Or nap right after outside play.  As long as you do the same things at the same time, that is what makes a routine.  

In the mean time, expect him (at 2) to want to do something different every 10-15 minutes.  

And don't forget that free play!  He can do that for like 15 minutes every hour or something.  

Good luck and have  fun!

Answer 5

As you have noticed his attention span is very minimal. You are going to have to wait a couple more years for him to develop more cognitively. The screaming and crying are just his way of rebelling against what he has to do. Just ignore it. Play is a very important learning tool and it is important for them to learn to entertain themselves so in the future try only reading and playing if he asks you to

Answer 6

Children have more ego than most parents.

Best is to treat them like adults. It is normal for 2 yr old to throw fits. They are great at it.

When he does wrong, just say firmly that he should not but please do not pursue it further.

If he cries, ignore some. Show him you love him in spite of it all. Change the topic and do something he likes, but no bribes.

Toddlers have a short attention span. Most do not like books. Girls do. Boys do not.

Instead, give him some educative toys that will increase his eye hand coordination. As well as increase his attention span.

Do concentrated reading for 5 mins only; increasing  time gradually.  

Answer 7

That's why it's the terrible twos.  My daughter does the same thing.  I let her scream while she sits in time out and eventually she stops.  Wouldn't you be mad if someone told you to go stand in the corner.  Yes, you would be mad and you would "pout".  A toddler screams and cries because that is how they communicate when mad.