Hate the idea of childcare

Question

I had always planned to be a stay at home mum until my daughter went to school. She's now 10.5 months and it's looking like my husband and I are going to split up and so our daughter will have to go to nursery but the thought of leaving her with others to look after her makes me feel sick. I wanted to be the one to see all the firsts, to be there for everything and after being with her literally 24/7 for the last 10.5 months (and til 13 months when she would start nursery) I can't imagine being without her. She won't even let anyone else hold her at the moment, and starting nursery is going to cause her so much upset :o( I'm planning to integrate her as gently as possible, but she's seen her grandparents every week since birth and is hysterical when even they try and hold her so I can just imagine the state she is going to get in when she has strangers to care for her. I really need some reassurance, has anyone else had a baby like this that went into childcare? How did you integrate them? How did it go?

Answer 1

Give your marriage another try.  Go for counseling.  Do anything you can.  

If that is just impossible, I guess you will just have to do what you have to do.  THere is no easy answer here.  It is going to hurt one way or another.  I will be thinking of you today.  

Answer 2

Welcome to the world of working mothers.  We ALL feel this way about our children.  But you can take reassurance in the fact that children are way more resilient than we give them credit for.  I worked in the childcare field for 10 years and my 16 month old daughter has been in daycare for 6 months.  She LOVES it!  In all my years in the field, I have only seen one situation where the child truly was not ready for daycare and the mom ended up pulling her out.  

It's much harder on Mom than baby, believe me!  I cried for the first two weeks, but my daughter was absolutely fine.  Never shed a tear!  I still cry some days, and can't wait for the end of the day when i can pick her up!  

For the first week, I visited the centre with my daughter every day, for anywhere up to two hours.  I did this at different times of the day so she could see the different activities and routines.  The second week, I dropped her off for a couple of hours on the first day, a whole morning the second day, and by the end of the week, she was staying a full day.  By week 3, she was full-time, no problems!  

Your daughter will likely cry when you leave, but it is usually very short-lived.  It may take her a few weeks to adjust, but give her time, it is a big change.  

Good luck!

Answer 3

If the split is inevitable at all costs, try to find a job that has on site child care.  So that you can pop in and see her every once in a while. Another option is to do a lot of "child care shopping" before settling on any one place.

Spend lots of time at the child care center before you have to actually leave her there, so you can see if she becomes comfortable interacting with the caregivers there. You never know. I once was visiting my mil at the daycare center that she was working at at the time, and this kid who I never saw, and he never saw me before, suddenly came up to me, and wanted me to hold him, or otherwise interact with him, the whole time I was there. I guess he detected a certian warmth in me, that just attracted him to me. If you see your daughter finding a niche then you can feel comfortable about leaving her at a center. But if she's just clinging to you a whole day at a given center, don't bother trying again at the same place.

Answer 4

Nobody can love your child like you do, but they can do just as good a job of looking after her day to day needs. I went back to work when my second son was 8 months old. I found a childminder by ringing the council, believe it or not. After I phoned her I went to see her. She definitely wasn't in it just for the money. Looking after kids was her life and my son loved her from the first. He's now 22 and still visits her, even though we live in a different town now. You need to check out your childminder carefully of course, but by being council registered, I knew her home was safe and secure. You should leave your child with relatives occasionally, no matter if she cries. More often than not they settle down when you're out of sight!  Do you spoil her?  Your name suggests that may possibly be the case.....

Answer 5

I worked in daycare for 10 yrs before I had my kids and have seen this situation many times! I am all about honesty and will tell you it is not going to be easy, but in the end she will be fine (and so will you)! Just do the research on your daycare, easy her in gently, like start with one hour and increase by an hour a day for one week (don't hang out with her it only makes it worse), and trust that these people know how to make her comfortable. It sounds like it would probably help her gain some independence and you would be amazed at how quickly a group of kids her age will draw her in. I have been out of daycare for 5 yrs and still get Mothers Day and Christmas cards from some of my kids, so if you really find the right place she could form some wonderful bonds! Good luck!

Answer 6

When you're visiting daycare centers bring her with you and see how she reacts to the other children and the teachers. I was worried about the same thing with my daughter (who was 11 mo. when I had to bring her to a new daycare after being home with her for 2 months) but once she saw all the other babies her age and all the fun toys she practically forgot about me. A good center shouldn't have a problem with you letting your daughter play for a little while so that you can get the feel of the place.

I also made sure my center was very close to where I work (as opposed to being close to home) so I can go visit during my lunch break and be very close in case they need me for some reason. I hope that's an option for you.