Hate toward adoption workers?

Question

Is it fair to say that most people on this forum have issues with social workers?

If you do then why?

Answer 1

As an adoptive mom, I was pleased with the social workers we used with our agency.  I was impressed with the amount of counseling and care they showed for the bio family (and they have said the same).  However, at one point the state foster program became involved trying to place the child into foster care.  When they did, they told me personally that they would not allow the private adoption to occur because in their eyes the child was "a caucasian infant and therefore a hot commodity" to them.  I was appalled that anyone - especially a social worker - would refer to a child in that manner.  Fortunately for us, a judge stepped in and allowed the private adoption to continue as the bio family had wanted.  But I would definitely say that it changed my mind on some of the social workers out there.

Answer 2

I guess I'm blessed.  I've had nothing but good dealings with the vast majority of social workers I have dealt with.  Keep in mind that I have not only completed two successful adoptions but I do deal with social workers professionally all the time.  

Sure, I've met a few "thuds" along the way but by and large they have been great.  It's not an easy job and the burn out rate is high but they do care.

Answer 3

Yup I do. Why? Hmm could have something to do with the fact that I have been lied to by, manipulated by and coerced by them in the past.

Yeah loosing a child due to government and social worker incompetence will make a person a wee bit pissy.

ETA

Thanks. I'm sure they thought they were doing their jobs. It is hard to see the bigger picture with numerous people ramming  welfare mandate down your throat. Doesn't mean she did the right thing, nor does it negate the trauma she inflicted on two innocent people. It will never make a difference in how I view SW's.

Answer 4

Just the ones who work in adoption, for agencies who have incentives to have a child placed for adoption.... that's all.

Answer 5

honestly, i respect most SWs.  quite a few friends of mine and my mil are social workers and do one h**l of a job advocating for their clients.

my issue with adoption SWs stems primarily from the fact that the focus of adoption has changed from finding parentless children, parents; to finding childless parents, children for profit.

also, my issues come from own experience.  when i made an adoption plan, i felt as if the counseling was one-sided, and only benefited the adoptive parents.  when i asked questions about adoption loss, et al., my issues were dismissed as emotional and hormonal.

when i decided to change my mind, i was hounded for weeks (3 weeks before i delivered, and one week after i returned home from the hospital) and told that: 1) i would be reported to CYS for neglect, 2) i'd caused the aparents undue pain, 3) i was hormonal and didn't know what i was doing, 4) i was setting my son up for a life of crime and poor outcomes.  she even quoted me stats that most black males in prison were raised by young single mothers; hence to give him up would actually be "saving his life."

it was all bs.

i have also spoken with fmoms who felt that SWs used their titles and "purported expertise" to convince those who were ambivalent that "the best thing to do is place..."  

i don't know... i just think that the role of a social worker is to support their client to make a decision that benefits "the client"; not to manipulate or coerce.

the fundamental difference between adoption agency SWs and county/hospital, et al SWs, is that the primary revenue that pays their salary is based on successful adoptions.  hence, i find it almost counter-intuitive to assume that most are out to support the interests of potential fmoms.

Answer 6

the only ones i hate are adoption social wreckers.  they lie.  at least, to me.

Answer 7

My (now ex-) husband and I had a great social worker. She was very helpful, informative, and supportive throughout the adoption process. Our son's social worker, however, was a total nightmare. Major control freak; constantly threatened us; made it clear she didn't like us because we aren't Hispanic (she is Hispanic, our son supposedly has some Hispanic blood on his first mother's side, and our son's foster family was Hispanic); and on and on. She is the type of social worker who gives social workers a bad name in general. Unfortunately for social workers, when someone mentions those words I think of the psycho first -- not the social workers I have had good dealings with. One bad apple spoiled the whole bunch...

Answer 8

I went to school for six years for Social Work and have worked for several years in the field so I know more social workers than the average person. I have found that half of them are the most wonderful people that you will ever meet. They got into social work because of a true desire to help people. However, the other half are controlling, egotistical people that fail to realize that a person that has a different opinion than them is not necessarily wrong, just feels differently. Unfortunately, social workers do have a lot of power over people's lives and sometimes are so caught up in their own opinions and beliefs that they fail to realize the damage that they can cause in the process.

Answer 9

I don't have a problem with social workers in general (I work in the social services field myself, and have for years, although I am not a social worker).  Like the answerers above, I have issues with the shady practices that go on at adoption agencies.

I knew nothing about all this deception and corruption in the adoption industry when I first came here to Y!A.  I find myself reading my old answers and cringing at my uneducated rantings.  After I started learning about all this shadiness, I looked into my adoption agency.  First off, it's too late to go back and work with DHS, otherwise we would.  We've already paid all the fees we will ever owe to our agency, and we can't get the money back.  Second, OUR social worker's pay isn't based on whether or not a child is placed with us.  She does only state adoptions, which don't pay $20,000 like the infant adoptions the other social workers at my agency work on.

All that is well and good, because at least I know that I'M not contributing to this corruption (the only money I paid was for the homestudy, and the social worker who did our homestudy is actually a "freelance" person who does all sorts of homestudies for all sorts of agencies...so I'm not putting any money in the agency's pockets).  

But it is pretty frustrating to read our agency's website, and find that they use the same coercive tactics to snag babies from young, unmarried mothers that I've read about on this board.  The "loving options" page, which deals with the domestic infant "program" through my agency, says absolutely nothing about the "birth mother's" right to change her mind at any time prior to finalization, which leads me to believe that they would fight for the child to go to, and stay with, the adoptive parents, even if one of the biological parents wanted to raise their own child.  They offer classes to teach adoptive parents how to deal with their feelings about open adoptions, and although I haven't taken any of these classes, I would assume they cover the little tidbit about open adoptions not being enforceable.

All their literature is geared toward the needs and wants of adoptive parents, and completely ignores the child's needs. That is bothersome to me.  As a prospective adoptive parent myself, knowing that I could have bought into this scam if I were interested in infant adoption, not understanding the intense connection between a mother and child, not understanding that while I might be able to provide a stable home, this child doesn't CARE about a stable home because all s/he wants is MOM...yes, that is extremely bothersome to me.

What is even more bothersome to me is that these people BELIEVE they are doing the right thing.  They are passionate about what they do, not because they believe that they SHOULD tear apart families unnecessarily, but because they believe that they are BUILDING families, and that the separation between mother and child IS necessary.  That, to me, is extremely frightening.  They're like Stepford social workers, drones that carry out the dirty deeds their bosses program them to carry out, without questioning anything.  Extremely frightening.

Answer 10

I don't have issues with social workers.  My best friend is a social worker, she does a great job working with the geriatric community and the developmentally disabled.

However, I DO have a problem with adoption workers, namely, the ones who make a career out of "counseling" pregnant women and facilitating adoptions.  The people who earn their paychecks from separating babies from their mothers in order to fill the orders of some desperate PAP's with a fat checkbook.

THOSE are the ones I have a problem with.

Answer 11

I can understand that people have problems with adoption agency social workers that cheated them in the past.  But this is not standard practice today.  

The goal of the profession is to help people live better lives.  I do not think it is fair to overgeneralize and say that social workers are bad.  

I had the greatest experience with my birth parent counselor who was a social worker.  She was wonderful.  In no way did she try to sway me in one direction or another.  She supported me and talked to me.  If I had decided to parent, she would have helped me get the resources to do so.   I believe this is more common now than agencies that take your children.  It is illegal to "coerce"  a woman into choosing adoption now.

BTW, she worked for an agency and she told me right off the bat that her pay is not affected by whether or not I place.

Answer 12

I think its important to see "who" is having the positive experiences w/ the adoption worker(sometimes social worker) and who isn't.

I do believe there are "some" good ones out there, unfortunately I haven't met any yet, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

Adoption has become a business of providing a child for couples or childless people, so I believe that its fair to "assume" that the experiences of the adoptive parents on this forum or most forums, would be "positive"reflections of social and adoption workers. The child was delivered and goal achieved.

For the adoptees and first parents however, we have lost our mothers and fathers often at the hands of social and agency workers working for the industry. The best interests of a child too often become overlooked so that car payments can be made and food is in their belly. Adoptive parents wouldn't necessarily experience that.

Agencies are a business. They don't make money by helping women keep their children. Its a conflict of interest to be in charge of the best interests of a child and need a paycheck only received after the adoption is finalized.

I don't like these agency workers because they're making money off of trafficking children and calling it legal because its "adoption." they're manipulating women out of their children by "positive honest language" to "promising confidentiality" when there is no such law guaranteeing it. Not to mention, they have no right to withhold the birth certificates and adoption records from adoptees. 9 out of 10 and thats being generous advocate against the unsealing of our records. They fight against us to protect their "black market adoptions."

If someone works for these places, we have a problem. In my eyes they're not ethical, they're not moral and I don't know how they sleep at night.

Answer 13

I think it is wrong to stereotype ALL social workers in adoption.  Just like it is wrong to label ALL birthmothers, adoptees, adoptive parents etc...

We had to take custody of two mistreated children who were living in dangerous conditions.  They were placed with us in a loving home largely due to the persistence of social workers who cared. It is all a matter of perspective.  Like any profession there are good social workers and there are incompetent ones.  

To the person in the other post who was unfairly blasted because (GASP) she wanted info on how to become one, I would say go out and become the most ethical, caring and competent adoption worker out there.  

Geez!  Adoption is not going away.  Don't we need competent and ethical people in the field?