Hateful Mother in law & a husband who won't stand by my side. ?

Question

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year but dated for about four before getting married. His mother loved me until the first time marriage was brought up, then she turned. She insulted my family at christmas, has been down right rude to me by putting her nose in the air and refusing to speak or acknowledege me. She even has his sisters in on it. They are just the same, very hateful girls. When it was first brought to my husbands attention he told me I took it wrong. He always finds someway to combat what I say. My parents LOVE him like a son, they are awesome to him. Why does he fight me so much on this. This is the only problem in our marriage, and one that could be solved if my husband would stand up to her. I'm losing my mind, we've been fighting about this off and on for about 2 years. He says he will fix it and then does nothing. Its about to cause a divorce. Any advice? Please I need some outside take on this situation.

Answer 1

I have a friend in a similar situation. Her MIL wasn't thrilled her son married her, nor was she happy when her younger son married another of our friends. The difference in the situations of them is that one of them says nothing while the other has no problem standing up for herself. From an outsiders view I think that my friend that stood up for herself has much better peace of mind than the one who didn't. Because her MIL senses who she can mess with and who she cannot, she chooses what battles she picks.

Personally I would speak up for myself. I understand that your husband should stand up for you in a perfect world, but this is his mommy. He may not be in the position to stand up for himself, let alone you. I would make an effort to speak to her alone, in private and let her know that I would like for us to have a close relationship because you both love her son, but I will not allow her to disrespect me or my family period. You may be the bad guy, but you know what that's okay. She's missing out on your love and friendship and it is her loss. As for her flying monkeys, the same thing goes for them. If they can't respect you and at least be polite, they can stay at home too. You don't need their drama. This is just a grown-up version of Mean Girls and you don't have to be the victim.

Answer 2

Mommy's don't want to say good-bye to their kids.  If he see's that she is treating you differently  now and takes her side... tell his *** to move back with her so he can be closer to LATCH ON!

Answer 3

this is a toughie.  it's difficult when the only person you count on to be by your side, is not.

i think you should talk to your MIL about the situation.  if your husband doesn't have the guts to talk to his mother about how he is treating you, stand up for yourself girl!  it is not right that she treats you that way -- and let her know it!

it's one thing to be snubbed, but it's another to be insulted, especially by someone who is supposed to be your "mother".

good luck! do what is right.  you deserve to be respected.

Answer 4

Well, if you truly feel he's not "seeing" it, here's an idea ... have a video cam hidden in a room where you know she'll be next time they all come over.  Have it record what's going on in the room - the way she speaks to you or about you, treats you, etc - and then show it to him (maybe even have her there?)  If he still refuses to see it, and if you cannot speak to her yourself, then your only course of action is to kick him out or move back home and file for divorce.

Be sure to tell him that had he sided with you when he saw how badly his mother was treating you, you would never have had to take this course of action.

I wish you the best -

Blessings

Answer 5

It will lead to divorce and I am sorry to say you might be better off. He lets his mother and sisters treat you this way when he knows that they are doing it. He will not defend you and even fights you on it. Not a marriage I would want to be in. Wait until the kids come and he sides with her over them too. Your life will be h**l. My husband will not let anyone treat me badly even if I am wrong. That is how it should be.